Adoption Question?? Nature --versus-- Nurture? 10 Points for best answer!!?

Question

First of all my hubby and I are foster parents. We adopted a baby boy last year that had been with us for 15 months. It's the best decision we have ever made! He is our angel & we love him SOOOO much!! We also have a foster baby who we got straight from the hospital, he is now 9 months old and his parents aren't doing what they should be to get him back. So it's looking like we may be able to adopt this child also. We are very attached to him & are the only parents he's ever known.
The baby's mother is Bi-polar, has addictive behaviors, & is known for being a violent person, his father is about the same.
The baby has had a TERRIBLE temper for as long as we can remember, and at 6 months he was throwing temper tantrums already!! When he gets mad he will scream like someone is killing him, & hold his breath!! My question is.......Who here believes nurturing a child since birth will overcome the nature of the child? Is a Baby's parsonality genetic or learned?

Answer 1

I am an adoptee. When I was in my twenties, through a miraculous chain of events, I was able to find my birth parents and to meet them. When I met my birthmother and her family, I was amazed at the similarities between us...similarities that could not be explained by anything other than genetics. I know that the in-vogue thing to say nowadays is that we´re all a blank slate, and that the environment in which we are raised makes all the difference. The truth is that we inherit a lot of our propensities, our temperament, and even many of the interests towards which we gravitate...it´s in the genes.

Now, having said that, does that mean that if a kid´s bio-parents were rebellious goof-ups, violent, or, as you mentioned, bipolar, then the kid is doomed? I don´t think so.

In the first place, being bipolar is so irresponsibly over-diagnosed nowadays. It seems that everybody and his uncle is supposedly bipolar. Secondly, no matter what a kid´s temperament or genetic disposition may be, how the child is raised is going to go a long way in determining how he responds to his internal programming. Most children respond positively to a good, nurturing environment, consistent discipline, affection, and responsible parenting.

Finally, genetics does not make decisions for people. Having parents who are thieves does not automatically mean that a kid is going to be dishonest. Having parents who are alcoholics does not make a kid decide to drink. Each of us is responsible for the choices we make, regardless of our genetic make-up. That´s where good parenting comes in.

Answer 2

What a good discussion question! Let's see...I think both are pretty important, but can you elaborate on what you mean "nature". Do you mean what is naturally inside a person or their environment? I believe each person is born who they are, personality wise. They also behave a certain way based on their up bringing. So somethings get suppressed, I think, until a person hits a certain maturity level and chooses to be "them". Maybe I'm saying nature ultimately guides a person to become who they are. Nurture is also important, but I can tell you from working with foster children nurture is helpful at any stage in life. It does not matter if a person is nurtured at birth, childhood, or adolescence, a person can appreciate it. I've seen it at all stages. I've seen children experience extreme abuse and receive nurture from foster and adoptive parents and appreciate it; I've also seen them reject it; no matter how old the child is. But, nurture does not make a person become nice or giving or caring or whatever. Some people come from the most nurturing parents, and still end up rejecting it because of some personal issues they have. I can't wait to see the other responses.

Answer 3

I personally think that it is the combination of the two. Some physical, genetic issues can impact on a childs personality, but I believe that the environment (nurture) has a lot to do with personality.
As a student studying Early Childhood Teaching, I have read a lot about what influences a childs behaviour, and a really good research project, called the Total Environment Assessment Model for Early Childhood Development commissioned by the World Health Organisation states that a child's personality and development is influenced by the child's genetic makeup, the family (including extended family and close family friends, the community in which the child lives, the Early Childhood centre/s the child attends and so on, right up to the global environment.

Answer 4

Certain things can be changed by NURTURING, but I do NOT believe things like ADD, Bi-polar, or anything that is passed GENETICALLY from parent to child can be changed by Nurturing ONLY. For example... I have 2 adult friends--both carry a gene that pre-disposes that their children will be slightly to moderately slow. They had 3 kids... all had developmental disabilities... had any ONE of them been taken from their parents at birth, they would all STILL carry the same GENES that their parents gave them and therefore, even with emence amounts of nurturing, their conditions would still be the same. Genetics is, for the most part, stronger then love. However, with everything else in life, there ARE a few exceptions... and the LEVEL to which a child reacts to the nurturing may have some visable effect... Example: a child is born with autisim... if he is left to his own devices, the child will progressively get worse and more withdrawn... GENETICALLY, that is what happens. HOWEVER, (and I have SEEN this happen)... taking that same child and working with it constantly and "nurturing" it positively and physically for years CAN change the nature of the illness for the better.... BUT, it will not TOTALLY eliminate it....

Answer 5

I'll echo some of the other responses here... It's clearly both. It was explained to me once in the following way, using IQ as an example: Biology sets the range for IQ, and Environment determines where, along that range, a person will fall. (I can't say whether it truly works that way, but it gives a rough and ready example of how the two can work together.)

I have some of my adoptive father's mannerisms. Enough that others see them in me. And I have some of my adoptive mother's compassion, I'd like to think.

But upon finding my birth mother, I discovered that my interest in science fiction (shared by no one in my adoptive family) is apparently a trait shared by many in my birth family. My birth mother and I wound up in the same profession. Many of my personality traits seem to mirror hers. It's actually a little eerie at times, how similar we are.

The child you describe may be prone to bi-polar disorder, addiction, and violence. But the bi-polar won't have surfaced yet. And the other things are not forgone conclusions. Indeed, I would advise you not to think that you already know the "nature of the child." That won't be obvious yet. It's good that you know these things about the mother, as these are things it will be important to keep an eye out for as the child gets older (especially into his late teens and twenties). I just wouldn't want him to think he is doomed to have these qualities himself. If he does think so, it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And the description you give of the child reminds me of my youngest adoptive brother (who is the biological child of my adoptive parents). Neither of them ever displayed the temper that my a-brother was prone to. So even with biology and nurturing on his side, he was a difficult child. But even he turned out okay in the end. (Though, if you tell him I said that, I'll deny it. ;) )

Don't try to "overcome" the child's nature. That both suggests that the child has a preset personality and that you want to impose your will on him. I don't think you meant it that way, but you do need to be careful not to set up an adversarial relationship. As another answer said, nurture the child's nature. That seems about right.

I wish you well.

Answer 6

I don't think there is an easy answer to this question, because the research shows that it's a combination of both. Any parent who has two children can tell you that the children are different despite being raised the same. It has also been shown that mental disorders are genetic, which means your younger baby will have a higher risk of developing it. Addiction is a little different. Although you can be predisposed to becoming addicted to something, you can be taught to avoid things (drugs, alcohol, overeating) that you would be addicted to.
Bottom line: your love and affection as well as your child rearing style will help your baby overcome any problems he might have.

Answer 7

You've asked the question professional psychologists have grappled with since the beginning of the profession. I think the answer everyone agrees on is that both nature and nurture contribute significantly to who a person is, and the "percentages" will never be nailed down. However, you should realize that bipolar disorder is something that has a strong genetic link. This doesn't mean that your son will have it. There is still a lot bigger chance that he won't have it than will, just a greater chance he'll have it than the general population. Also, as far as your baby's behavior, it may not be "inherited" in the genetic sense or have anything to do with bipolar disorder as much as caused by drug exposure in eutero since you say the mother has "addictive" behaviors.

Answer 8

Well many psycoanalysts have asked the same question. In my opinion (which everyone has one) there are learned characteristics and some genetic ones. I believe that most characteristics are learned. I grew up with an undiagnosed bi polar mother that was also an alcoholic. she had quite the temper, but you seen nothing until you seen me!! It wasn't until i went to counseling that I learned I did not have to be this angry wench anymore so I believe that nurturing the child will help him overcome any biological obsticles in his path. Good Luck

Answer 9

It is a combination of both. The baby has you in his corner, so that is a big benefit...but mental illness and adiction issues can happen even when a child expereinces a normal upbringing.

No one can predict what the outcome will be. Given the babies already difficult personality, he will probably be a challenge to parent. But dominant personalites focused in the right way can make adults that are movers and shakers, he could grow up to be an awesome person!

Good luck.

Answer 10

Well I guess I will put in my two cents although I think a lot of people will disagree.
I know a lot of people who are adopted, and a lot who aren't, and they are all like their biological family in comparison to their adopted family. That isn't to say that they ended up like their biological family (for example I know one kid whose parents were essentially illiterate and had no ambition whatsoever, and although he isn't very ambitious, he IS a big reader... he is just more lax so I guess he takes after them in that way). Also, bipolar disorder has a larger genetic component than normal depression, but that doesn't mean the child will get it. He may be having terrible temper tantrums because he is scared you will leave him.... even kids adopted from birth often have abandonment problems.

So I think overall, a baby's personality is genetic, but environment can make or break it. For example, someone who is impatient is likely to always be that way, but environment can make the difference in whether that person is so impatient that they kill someone to get what they want, or if they just work harder so they can have what they want sooner. Extreme example but I think you know what I mean lol.

By the way, congrats to you for going through the struggles of foster parenting, and being there for children that are probably wonderful but sometimes are overlooked.