What's a polite way to decline to talk about your personal life when someone asks?

Question

For example, when colleagues or acquaintances get a bit too curious and ask "Do you have a girlfriend?" or "Why are you single?" and I really don't feel at that moment like answering them or giving them personal information about my life or my personality style or issues, what's a good way to say "none of your business" without actually saying none of your business?

Remember that these would be people I'd have to work pleasantly with in the future; not looking to be disrespectful or to put them down.

I just find myself in these situations a lot, and I frankly don't want to discuss my romantic life with women at work, and that sort of thing.

Thanks.

And it would help if it could be done in a classy/svelte/cool/slightly humorous/mature way. Obviously, if it's stated in just the slightest incorrect way, it comes across like I have "something to hide," or that "something's wrong with him." And that's not the case. I'm just protective of my privacy, and wary of how gossip gets around.

Thanks.

Answer 1

I noticed that you said it was the women in your office, and not the men who were asking the questions. Bear in mind that women are perpetual matchmakers, and if you might be single, you become fair game for their matchmaking skills. Also, in my experience, a lot of women who see a man without a girlfriend wonder if he is gay (I know, who cares, but you know how curiosity can be). That doesn't mean there aren't simply some genuine nosy Parkers out there, but just put that into perspective.

People also ask those kind of questions to make small talk, and as an effort to create some kind of relationship. The job is, after all, a type of family, with your co-workers your family members.

No matter what "comeback" you give, immediately change the subject to work-related issues.


Do you have a girlfriend/Why are you single? (Of course most of these are to said with a big smile)
- Why do you ask?
- This job is the love of my life
- You're already taken, or, Mary, are you flirting with me?
- Does Angelina Jolie count? (or, insert woman of your choice)
- I'm afraid the office might be bugged and if I said anything, tomorrow I'd find my personal life on the front page of a tabloid
- Well...since she's a very public figure we have to keep our relationship very private
- Yes, but don't tell my wife
- Not many women who'll put up with my poisonous snakes
- I won't know the answer to that until I get home tonight
- Alas, this job doesn't pay enough for me to be able to pamper a woman the way I think she should be, and why should any woman be shortchanged?
- Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads
- You know how it goes...if I told you, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you
- Why, in heaven's name, would you want to know/care about that?
- Someday we'll sit down and talk about it/I'll spill my guts, but this isn't the time and certainly not the place
- Oh, I don't kiss and tell...you should know that....
- My internal firewall won't seem to let me talk about it
- Now, if I told you, you'd stop thinking I was a deep and mysterious enigma, wouldn't you?

In my experience, if you say something to the effect that you like to keep your private life private NO MATTER HOW POLITELY....thats a red flag for everyone to bug you even more for info.

Answers such as these should give the hint that you aren't going to talk any further on the subject.

I hope those can give you a little inspiration.

Answer 2

One way which does work is to turn the question around on the asker.

When they say 'are you single?', you can simply say 'why do you want to know, Bill / Beryl?'

If you'd like it to be a little humorous, you can always add something like 'Why do you want to know, Bill / Beryl, do you want to date me?' (Make sure you laugh after saying this, to show it is a joke).

However they respond, you can then make some 'throwaway' comment, such as 'haven't found the right person yet', or 'five down, five billion to go' or 'not until I've discovered the secret to eternal life, until then it's all work work work' ~ anything silly that also leaves them no-where to go.

Mostly, people who ask these types of questions are looking for a way to have a slightly more personal conversation with you.

They know you from work and know that most people like to talk about themselves, and ask a question which is a little too intimate. Also, it can be cultural ~ in some cultures these tye of very personal questions are considered quite OK, whereas questions about other matters (e.g. religion) are taboo.

Most askers will not mean any ill intent, so you are wise to try to be pleasant!

You are within your rights to say "I'm a very private person, I don't like talking about myself much", and can quickly follow it up with something of general interest ~ the game last weekend, great holiday locations, the latest tv show, did they see the paper this morning, that type of thing.

That way, you show that you would LIKE to be friendly, but also establish the boundary of topics for the time being.

Another excellent thing to do it discuss some aspect of your private life that is non-threatening to your own sense of privacy ~ how cute your nephews and nieces are, or what great tricks your dog does.

That way people feel as if you are sharing something of yourself, without it getting deeper than you want to.

Best wishes and good luck :-)

Answer 3

Refusing to answer the question is always going to seem rude, and maybe also weird. Just say something vague. Or lie. If they ask you why you're single, you can just say, "I don't know" or "I just am" (on that last one, make sure your tone of voice doesn't sound mean). When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always reply, "Nothing." You can't really be too vague to the question, "Do you have a girlfriend" but you might as well just answer it. That's not too intrusive.

Answer 4

To be honest, if someone did ask that to me I would be a little offended and annoyed. It's kind of rude to ask something like that don't you think? I would suggest saying someone along the lines of this " I'd rather not approach that topic if you please" " it makes me feel rather uncomfortable" Something along that I think is quite polite for a reply to such a rude question. I hope I helped as I try my best! Those statements should dismiss the topic altogether or make the person reply with a short "sorry, I didn't know you felt uncomfortable about talking about that"

Answer 5

When they ask these intrusive questions just in a nice tone of voice and kindly and calmly say:" Thanks for asking, and thinking of me, but how about you and yours"?

Smile, and then change the subject about an urgent file/meeting that can't wait, and make a motion to get to your desk.

Those questions are normal and some do ask.

I had a woman that wanted to know what my room looked like and what was in it. Now, sir, that is borderline creepy and psycho. So, really these questions are not so bad compared to mine.

Answer 6

you could give them a lot to talk about if you told them that you have been involved with a celebrity for years but have to keep it a secret due to the wishes of this person and can give them no information on the subject and please never bring up the subject again.. Don`t tell them what kind of a celebrity she is author, artist, politician, actor... good luck people love the mysterious and who knows it might work for you.

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with saying "...that question is really personal, don't you think?...." and then change the subject.

At work, don't ever discuss your personal life, it always comes back to haunt you.

Besides, its none of anyones damn business what relationship, if any, you're in!!

Answer 8

If you want polite, I'd have to agree with the three before me. Luckily for me, politeness means little and everyone knows it. I usually run with something like, "when I like you enough to tell you, you'll know" or "Dude, what are you? My mom?" Course, I have some issues with antisocial behavior and know that people are like sand, so I don't care whether I can work pleasantly with anyone.

Answer 9

I would say something like " I would prefer not to talk about that in the work place," or "I don't talk about my private life in public settings", "but thank you anyway,"... and quickly change the subject back to something work related.

Answer 10

How about just smiling, shaking your head and saying "I'd rather not talk about that right now." and then change to subject. To anything at all. Be pleasant, be polite, but be firm.