How can I make him see that his lateness is annoying?!?

Question

My bf is always late... sometimes only a few minutes, or sometimes (like today) a long time. There's always an excuse, and they are valid, but it is so annoying. Like today for instance, (he was fixing something) said he would be done in 20 minutes and call me then (we had plans for shopping for the night) and didn't call me until an hour and twenty mins. later!! It is so annoying and so sickening and he *never* understands why I get mad about it! It's especially rude when other people have to wait too, such as my parents today, who were waiting for him to call so they could leave to go to the shops! How can I handle this.. I can't take it!!!

Oh wow, I can't believe all the great answers and ideas! Thank you so much, this is going to be a tough one to pick! All you advice is great, and I'm definitely going to take it into consideration next time! Thanks again =)

Answer 1

Don't wait for him.. if you are going shopping, with him, and he's exceedingly late (not 10 -15 mins) just go without him. He'll catch on soon enough. If you have plans for dinner, and he's late, either go ahead without him, if you are meeting others... if you are cooking, eat, clean up.. and when he shows up.. tough luck for him, if he's hungry.

Answer 2

This is a behavior that you will likely never be able to get him to change.

My husband is always late. It is very rude. He is a procrastinator, meaning he waits too long to begin to get ready when we're going someplace, he stops to do unrelated things while he should be getting ready, like reading his e-mail, or he does things that just aren't as important as getting ready as it gets later and later, like programming the Tivo. I think he got started doing this when he was a kid, and he was allowed to do it then, and so it's become his M.O. I spent the first ten years of our marriage driving myself places to get there on time, when he was running late. He was late for a christening, when he was the godfather. Everyone was standing at the baptismal font waiting for him. He was late for a wedding, and actually walked up the aisle RIGHT ahead of the bride, looking for me frantically in the pews. He always has an excuse, but I've observed him for more than a decade, and the reason is that he doesn't manage his time to get places on time. I often arrive ahead of him, having driven myself, and I know he will come running in late (usually about 20 minutes), like his tail is on fire. I have gotten used to it, but if I was ever single and dating again, it would be a deal breaker.

I can only say if it annoys you intensely that he is always late, find someone else. It will likely not get better.

Answer 3

People who are habitually late rarely can be changed. It's a very rude behavior and one that doesn't have to be tolerated. In the future if he is not on time, do not wait for him. Rather go on and do whatever you were planning without him. If it was something for just the two of you, make it clear when he finally arrives that he was late and you have other things to do. Don't let him run your time by his laziness. He will either step up to the plate or you will have to move on.

Answer 4

My husband is and always has been considerate and punctual as am I.

My sister was always late--and sometimes didn't even have the good grace to make an excuse. We did all sorts of things to get her and her husband to come to family events on time, even telling her an earlier time so she would get there when we wanted to start our dinner, etc.

When she was an hour late to an anniversary dinner we were giving her--that did it! My sweet husband told her that it takes as much effort to be on time as it does to be late and that chronically late people are actually telling you that their time is more valuable than yours. It is their way of manipulating people to put up with their inconsiderate behavior. As my husband said, if you are going to be late, call--and if you won't call, then we will start without you.

And we did from then on. It is not appropriate for one person to continually hold up the plans of others--and it is amazing the seemingly plausible excuses they can come up with. No one can take advantage of you unless you first give permission! So, don't give permission--don't get mad, just go do whatever you were going to do, without him. If he really cared about your company, he would be there for you.

Good luck

Answer 5

Here's how I solved that problem with my ex. We're still friends, but he's still late for everything. So whatever time he's really supposed to be somewhere or do something, I tell him to do it half an hour (or even an hour) earlier. Then he shows up or does whatever relatively on time.

If you want to tell him it's bothering you, just handle it one situation at a time. Don't attack him with "you're always late". The next time he does something like that, tell him that he said he would call or be there or whatever at a certain time, and would he please do what he said he would next time? Tell him that it affects not just you, but other people too. Good luck!

Answer 6

Explain to him why it makes you mad. Apparently he doesn't have the same understanding about lateness that you do. Maybe you're not able to articulate why it makes you mad, in which case, think about it before explaining it to him. Here are some ideas that might help you:
In American culture (and I venture this is also true of yours), time is connected to status. Usually the person with lower status has to be on time, but the person who has higher status does not have to be. For example, if you have an appointment with the president of the United States, you have to be on time, but it's okay for him to be late. So perhaps when your boyfriend is late, it causes you to think that he doesn't respect you.

Of course, when you do discuss it with your boyfriend, you'll want to pick a relaxed time to discuss it, not a time when either of you is upset.

Answer 7

You must take control of yourself.

I never wait more than 15 minutes for anyone or anything......period. Not friends, not kids, grandkids, doctor's appointment - nothing.

Unless the person calls and says he/she is running late....at the end of 15 minutes...I leave or make other plans.

You must stick to it. Let everyone know including your rude boyfriend. It is selfish and disrespecful to keep some one waiting...

Answer 8

r u my wife? o wait nevermind..this sounds just like me! always late and i will never change..it sux when i make multiple people wait on me..it just a baaad habit..and my mind trying to do everything at once proir to leaving..if u love em ul have to cope with it...but he still needs to get the message that its unacceptable..and really needs to put others first MORE

Answer 9

First, tell him it ticks you off, second, if he continues to be excessively late - go without him. He'll either get the hint or you'll meet someone better when you are out without him.

Answer 10

dont wait for him just leave and do what ever it is you want to do, if you do this a few times he will get the message