Why is everyone against me when i'm trying to give up alcohol?

Question

I've been of drink 6 months and I am really proud of myself but no one else seems to be. I went to a wedding reception tonight at 7pm, I got tortured by everyone offering me drink, They dont know I had an alcohol problem and I dont want to tell them my business, so I had to turn them all down and they did think I was odd, And because I declinded them I was left sitting alnoe in the corner with my wife, I eventually had enough and told the wife I was going home, she started crying and fell out with me, Not one bit of support did I get from her, she just let me go home. She will start an argument when she gets home, but what do I do? I knew had I stayed I would of drank, there is so much pressure from society to drink alcohol,

Any advice appreciated, did I do the right thing? What should I say to my wife when she returns? I do feel very guilty for leaving her but shes with her parents and siblings

Answer 1

I think that your first mistake was not being honest. Just tell people you were having issues with it and that you don't drink anymore. As far as sitting in the corner... I think that was your own fault. Not drinking doesn't mean not having fun. You could have gone wild and been the life of th party if you had wanted. But you didn't. You chose to sit in the corner and feel sorry for yourself.

Sorry to be so harsh, but it sounds to me like you are still playing the victim. Admit your problem, move past it, and don't be a wall flower.

Edit:
Listen don't get me wrong, I think you did the right thing by giving up alcohol if you had a problem with it. But part of recovery is admitting to family and friends.. not just yourself that you have a problem. I still stand by what i said about you making the choice to not have fun however.

Answer 2

I really understand what you are saying as I had to give up drink 5 years ago due to a drink problem. I hate being asked why don't you drink and you're right there is so much pressure from society. It seems the ones that really press you on it are the ones with a problem themselves.

I got sober with the help of AA and it's really only another problem drinker that understands. Most people believe its a question of will power but its not alcoholism is a serious illness. I have seen two people die recently from it.

You did the right thing by leaving if you felt you were going to drink. I had to stay away from 'wet' places for a while when I first got sober. And now 5 years on I can go to wedding receptions, birthdays, pubs etc and I don't feel the need to drink or even want to but this is only because I'm working a recovery programme and attend AA meetings regularly.

Your wife must have seen the fallout from your drinking, so perhaps you can explain to her that you didn't want to embarrass her if you drank. If you were anything like me I would have been a complete nightmare

Email me if I can help further.

Good luck with your sobriety, your doing the right thing my friend.

:o)

Answer 3

I think it's great that you gave up an addiction!! It would be difficult to deal with everyone trying to offer you a drink. My response to them would be, " No, thank you, I don't drink." Of course, you'd have to say it to everyone that offered you a drink, but... eventually they'd get the idea!

Did you explain to your wife why you wanted to go home? She may have thought you left because you didn't like her family or something else. I think if she knows the reason why you were leaving, she would be a little supportive. Maybe just the occasion made her a bit emotional.

When your wife gets back, just tell her you love her very much, and that you are doing what you are doing not only for you, but for her, as well. You don't want to be an alcoholic husband, and want to show her respect. She's your wife. She loves you. She'll understand- and if not now, she will eventually.

I'm very happy you were strong and left when you felt weak. It would have been very easy to slip right into the habit again, once you were there. Chin up! You done ME proud!! As long as you communicate with your wife and be very open with her.. VERY open... this will work out wonderfully!! She can help you through all of this if you guys talk.

Answer 4

well unless you tell them they don't know what is going on with you and may feal uncomfortable about asking you. Your wife should have informed your family though, or you should have so they can offer support, but the main thing here to remember is that you did the right thing by walking away before the temptation to take the drink was irresistable to you.

I applaud your efforts and so you should be proud and it really doesn't matter about not seeming to give you credit, your doing this for you because you recognized that you needed to. It isn't easy and try to find people who are going through the same thing and become a support group to each other, AA everyone dosn't like to go there but you may meet someone just like you there are other organizations as well...I hope you keep up your endurance and every day will become easier and don't be afraid to ask for strength if you believe in God that is, He will grant it, He will carry you through, but it will always be your choice to return or stay sober. Peace

Answer 5

I am not English, but I think that your problem is not just with alcohol. You say "because I declined them I was left sitting alone in the corner with my wife". What I say , is that no one is left alone for refusing a drink. What it seems is that you are not socializing.
You say "everyone is against me". Are you sure?
You can drink moderately without need to get drunk. If it is a wedding, you can accept a drink; if you know that they are going to drink alcohol at the wedding , you should think in advance what you will do at the wedding. It's you that decide how much are you drinking and not the others. And if you decide not to drink alcohol ask for another drink.
Your wife feels bad, and with reason. She expected you to accompany her in the wedding, and not to leave her alone with her relatives.
If you want understanding, you have to give understanding too.
I think you shouldn't have left the wedding. You feel guilty for having left your wife alone at the wedding, and that is logical. Anyway, don't feel guilty for having refused alcohol. You are giving up alcohol, and that is a good decision to be proud of. Nobody said it was going to be easy. You have to be prepared psychologically. It's only my point of view.

Answer 6

Aww it must be hard. Don't feel guilty. Your wife is one person who should understand that you had a problem with alcohol and it should be very difficult for you. Did you explain to her that you wanted to leave because of this?

You were right to leave, because if you stayed, you would have most probably drank and then you would have felt guilty about it, and the blame would have probably been placed on your wife who didn't want to go.

Maybe you should tell other people (probably not eveyone, but some people) that you had a problem with alcohol so they could support you and it would make life a lot easier for you.

Answer 7

at first there are long term part impacts, it has purely as many hazards as smoking a cigarette if not greater. additionally, it fairly is extremely addictive, so as that's why that's no longer right for you. you won't be able to be a robust person once you addicted to some drug. people who've tried weed like I for confident, yet that because of fact it make you chuffed and comfortable and places each and every care in the worldwide away. Have I ever tried weed, no. Will I ever attempt weed, no. yet do i know particularly some people who use weed on a on a daily basis foundation, regrettably definite.

Answer 8

Well done for being dry for 6 months. Not sure about the wife thing just try to explain to her how the pressure made you feel. As for the rest who offered you drink when your in that situation again you could say either no thank you I'm driving or maybe you could say your on medication. It's always going to be hard. Good luck

Answer 9

Firstly congratulations to you - do not feel in any way ashamed of any of your actions tonight - you have done NOTHING wrong! Your wife should show a bit of understanding and appreciation for what you have achieved, and had no right to guilt trip you like that.

Drinking is a sociable activity in the UK (I assume that;s where you are), and yes, you may get labelled "boring" or "unsociable" for not drinking. But it's not like this in every culture - many societies would be shocked and appalled by British attitudes to alcohol and getting drunk. I actually think the stress, insecurity, shyness and general culture that drives us to alcohol in the uk is extremely unhealthy and good for you for getting away from it. What does it cause at the end of the day? arguments, cheating, fighting, vandalism, it's not generally a good thing to do in excess the way us brits do.

I personally used to drink way too much, and it wasn't really alcoholism, just binge drinking because I am very shy without a good few vodkas down me. But it spirals out of control for some people, and if like me you're one of those people, you're better off without it.

People need to realise that you shouldn't need to be drunk to share your feelings or talk to other people. I think you're a great example to the rest of us, be proud of yourself

Answer 10

Hello there Willy

I work on a Drug and Alcohol unit and after looking at the other answers people have given you I can only agree with most of them. This is not ever going to be a straight, smooth road for you or those around you (although a bit of straight talking with your wife about how you feel, what you are attempting to do and how you would like much more support from her may help!)

I know it is not perceived as 'manly' to be a non-drinker, but as someone who used to drink in vast amounts it takes a long time, honesty and very, very plain speaking to let those around you know you no longer drink. As soon as you have had your last drink you are a non-drinker just as soon as a smoker has had their last cigarette they become a non-smoker. You are now a non-drinker and have been for the last 6 months this is nothing to be ashamed of - in fact you should be very proud of yourself. Although, it is a battle that you will always be on your own with. Non-drinkers and drinkers haven't a clue what they are talking about when it comes to giving up a crutch you have been leaning on for so long. Please believe me it does get easier once people get used to the fact that you don't drink but you can go out with them and enjoy yourself and not spoil their fun. Just say to those that are determined to get a drink into you that you don't drink and leave it at that. You don't have to explain or apologise, after all you don't demand explanations from them as to why they drink or get drunk on a regular basis.

So next time and every time just say when asked what you drink 'an orange juice or whatever please' and when the questions, awkward remarks etc., come your way stick to your choice, explanations aren't necessary - choice is. Be very proud of yourself, very proud, you have managed to stay clear of a killer substance and not necessarily a substance that could kill you, when drunk you could kill others too! Or, you could always tell the truth, that tends to stop most people from trying to shove a drink down your neck, but remember have a really honest conversation with your wife and tell her you want her support and if she is not willing to give it to you wholeheartedly then ask why.

This path is never, ever going to be easy as I mentioned before but for the sake of your health, your self respect and the safety of others, if not yourself, please stick to you guns. You are now a non-drinker - RESPECT!

Answer 11

I'm really sorry for you. That's really rough when you've given up the booze (Good on you...you should be really proud).

Sounds like you might need to avoid certain situations with certain people.

I've never been a big drinker and I ALWAYS get this with certain people, even though I didn't drink before. There is a lot of pressure to conform. Hold your head high, and do what I do, I'm always the sensible one who gets to enjoy telling people exactly what they did the night before!!

You need to speak to you partner; it's out of order that she is only thinking of herself. She has to understand that you wanted to have a good night out but it became impossible.

Really pleased to hear to that you have this under control. it must be really hard, I know a lot of people with drink problems who don't think they have one. You had the guts to do something about it, don't let anyone make you feel like less of a person, because you're not. You're more.