People tell me that my daughter, turning 3 in January, should know more than she does, how can I tell?

Question

I am a 25 year old mother, and my daughter will turn 3 in 2 months. My friends tell me that she should know how to recite her alphabet and numbers at this age. She knows colors, and she repeats her abc's with me. I have taught her shapes and she can point to them and say them. I set aside time each day for us to practice her alphaber and numbers, but she can't say them on her own. She reconizes some of them when she sees them. I read to my daughter every day, but people tell me that she should be starting to read the books on her own. I am feeling guilty because if she isn't doing these things it is because I am not teaching her enouph. She is a smart child and I don't see any signs of her being a slow learner. How do I know if she is learning enouph? Her doctor never really ask me how well she is learning things like this. My husband and I spend alot of time with her and try to teach her as much as we can. How do I know if she is learning quickly enouph

Answer 1

Everybody learns at different ages, some kids do know their number and letters at 3...but my daughters kindergarten class which is 5 and 6 year olds are still all learning those. Your daughter is ahead for her age in my opinion! Keep working with her at home and ignore those RUDE people that are not your friends.

Answer 2

I'm tempted to say some very unkind things about those people and their wunderkids.

Every child is different. They learn different things at different rates; they notice different things. Rote memorization is *not* evidence of intelligence. It's evidence that the kiddo has had flashcards held up in front of her little face for months on end! If your daughter is curious and engaged, the rest will fall into place.

My own son is about a month older than your daughter, and if I had to guess, it sounds like they know about the same amount of raw facts.

The difference is that I'm 34 and hold an advanced degree in my field, as does my husband. People tend to assume that we're smart and, therefore, our kid must be, too. The truth is more complicated. Like most people I excel at some things and struggle with others. There are some things at which I am a spectacular failure.

I expect the same is true of you, and your kid, and my kid. And everyone on this Earth, including your, ahem, well-meaning friends.

Don't sweat it, and don't pressure your daughter. I think playing in any form - chasing pigeons, talking to stuffed animals, building block towers, finger painting - is probably more educational than any workbook or series of drills you could devise. Keep on reading, and over time, you'll be amazed how much she's retained.

And when your self-appointed advisors threaten to put the dunce cap on your little girl? I'd reply by listing something that she is fabulous at - whether it's knowing lots of animals or using her musical instruments. Tell them you're not worried, and that *should* close the subject.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

First, all children learn and develop on different levels/time frames so don't freak out when other parents tell you how wonderfully smart their kids are. Most children don't learn to read until 3 to 4 years of age. It can also depend on how active they are. Some children are too busy exploring and figuring the world out on their own to show that they're actually listening to what you're teaching them. Sounds like you're on the right track with her.

Second, I'm a little concerned that your daughter's pediatrician doesn't seem to be assessing her for developmental milestones. I would definitely be asking about where she should be for her age and if you don't get a clear answer, look for a new pediatrician.

You can always contact your local Health Department and find out if they do developmental screenings. Most do at little or no cost.

Answer 4

You're doing everything right. I remember when I finally read my first book on my own. Give her time and continue to practice, practice, practice.

Set time each day where you count numbers and say the alphabet. Also take it at a gradual pace maybe just have her learn 1-10 and A-E then build upon that. Once she gets used to learning time her brain may go into learning mode "Oh ok this is where mommy and I learn to sing letters and count number."

I wouldn't worry too much just keep practicing with her. If worst comes to worst once she's in school they usually offer programs to help children develop skills to learn more efficiently. We all have different skills and you're child could be a genius so don't stress too much and ignore the other parents.

Answer 5

relax, all children are different, and your child should not be starting to read yet, and anyone who tells you that their child can either has a gifted child, or they are lying :), or the child is memorizing the story and not actually reading it. the only thing that your child should be able to do out of all you listed is to say the abc's on her own, but even then...it would most likely be from her memorizing the song and not really realizing what the abc's mean., try some flash cards and hold each one up repeating the letter and then asking her to repeat it after you, other than that, everything else you mentioned sounds fine. one thing to look for....when she watches her cartoons, like dora, blue's clues...etc, does she play along? does she sing and memorize the songs? does she recognize the characters and say them by name? does she talk plainly or baby talk? thats one thing that is a no no with children, do not baby talk, it really hinders them, talk to them like you would a regular person, and talk to them as if they should know what you are talking about, if they have a sense of, "okay, I should know this" they will do all they can to make sure they do because they always want to please mom and dad. but again, all children are different, my child at age 3 could recite the abc and count, shapes and colors, etc, but there were so many other things that she knew that would really shock us, things that we didn't think she picked up on, and thats where the difference comes in. also, if a child is more active interest, like, for instance, my daughter is 6, and she can now read, but to save her life the child can't be graceful in ballet, nor do a cartwheel, just learning to ride a bike is a hugh challenge for her, but my niece? she's in competition for gymnastics (she is 6 also) and ballet recitals, etc, but she is having a hugh problem with her letters. but from all you mentioned, your child sounds just fine, and what she doesn't know she'll learn in kindergarten.

Answer 6

Well my daughter is 3....she will be 4 in Feb. She can write her name, say her ABC's, but she only recognizes 10 of them, count to 20, but can recognize 1-10, count to 10 in Spanish and French. She knows all her shapes.
When my daughter was 2 we took 1 letter and 1 number a week and did flash cards with her. She picked it up very fast. If you think about it some children go to pre-k or Kindergarden not knowing anything. She is fine....keep doing what you are doing and she will pick it up sooner then you think.

Answer 7

Don't worry about what other people say your kid should know. The only people that matter are you, her father, her doctors, and eventually her teachers.

If you are concerned, give your doctor a call. She doesn't need to have the alphabet memorized before she's three. That's really really early. I think it's a good idea for kids to have learned the alphabet and hopefully some numbers before they start kindergarten (b/c they are reading full sentences in kindergarten now!). But don't stress about. She's not even three! Ignore your friends advice for now!

Answer 8

Not very many 3 year-olds can read. My husband and his brother could read when they were in pre-school, but they were advanced. My son, at 2 1/2 could recognize the letters of the alphabet and read his own name, but like I said, that doesn't happen with all kids. My mom got my son an alphabet poster at the $ store that has pictures on it and I would point to the letters as I repeated them and it only took a few times for him to start saying them when I just pointed to the letters.
Your daughter is fine. She knows more than most kids when they start Kindergarten!

Answer 9

SCHOOL
Believe it, or not school plays a big
part in teaching your child.
If there are educational problems many
times it's found out by the
Schools Teachers.
They will talk to you about it, and work
on teaching methods for your child, and
the home help that can be used.

Don't go by everything your friends
say about your child learning ability.
All children are different,
and that goes for learning to.

My Sister told me her four year old
Grandson knows how to spell his name.
She was surprised, and sadly said
" His Mother must have worked hard
on that ". :-(

She used to work with 3, and 4 year olds.
I worked with first graders for five years.
I knew what she meant.
Sometimes children are pushed to learn
to fast, to soon. At a young age too
much can suck the fun out of learning.

I know two women from different states
who have 9 year old sons in the
4th grade who refuse to do their school
work. Both are very smart . It' sad.

Your child can work on colors.
Let her learn one,
then introduce another color.
That way you know she knows it.
The same for letters, and numbers.

Have a Color day.
Red / red day.
(Sort of) hide Red objects around the
house, then let her find them.

At three I don't expect a three year old
to really read a story to me.
But after hearing me read a story that
they like afew times, I expect them to
read the story to me ( in their own way,
they know the story ).

Having other older children around
may help, because little girls love to
play school.

Feel free to e-mail me.
Subject: your Id, and that you're from here.

Answer 10

Oi! She seems fairly well advanced already. When my first was that age, 10 years ago, I was told that by three he should have been able to recognize most colours, count to ten, point to shapes and household items and say their names and sing the Alphabet song with help. How times change. It seems that every year our children are expected to be more and more advanced just to be considered normal. I think that where your daughter is at is just fine. Go with your gut and not what the "competition" is telling you. If you are really concerned why not look into agencies in your area that offer one on one time with an early childhood educator, they are not only able to tell you what milestone's should be reached when but offer support on how to stimulate your daughter to encourage learning.

Unfortunately Mom's tend to always want their children to "outdo" the other kids. Pushing a child too hard can be as detrimental to their learning as not doing anything at all.