My 10 year old daughter is so shy. How can I build up her confidence?

Question

My daughter has always been shy of certain situations. She's fine with people she knows but she wont speak on the phone to my relatives in Aus (who she knows but not well) she wont go into a shop by herself to buy herself some chocolate even if I am outside. She is afraid of social situations on holiday she wont join in with other groups of kids she likes to play on her own. Do you think its healthy? I know its her personality but I am scared that she will be a recluse all her life. She only has one friend at school who is also a bit of a loner. I really want to build up her confidence but dont know how. Advice appreciated!

Thanks everyone. I have tried to get her to join clubs, she did kick boxing for a few months, she didn't wanna do it but I made her then I realised she wasn't ever gonna like it so I stopped taking her she would prefer to be at home playing games with me, she is a really happy child always singing only thing she gets depressed about is going to school cos she says that other kids are horrible to her and even the teachers pick on her! They are probly just trying to help her to join in but she is happy being left alone!

Answer 1

Before you worry too much, ask yourself this... Does she seem unhappy? If she is comfortable, than there really is no reason to worry. If she seems depressed because she isn't making Friends then it may be time to take action, like using her interests to help her join clubs or after school programs. If she is happy then why fix something that isn't broken?

Answer 2

Clearly you are a very caring mother and only want what is best for your daughter. I would try to be understanding of her and not try to push her too much into situations she isn't comfortable with. Clearly she is very shy, but a lot of that is probably just her personality and temperament. And often as kids get older and naturally gain more confidence, they will come of their shells and find their place in the world. Personally, I was extremely shy as a child...in a lot of the same ways as you are describing your daughter. When I was ready, I made steps toward being more open with different people and in new situations. However I am still very shy as compared with most people and social situations are often difficult. It's just the way I am! I think it's most important that your daughter know that you accept and support her. Some people are just more introverted than others and most important is that she is happy. She'll find her way as long as she knows she has your love!

Answer 3

I' think 10 is early to worry. Children develop at different rates. But before you try to involve her in more social situations, I would talk to a child behaviorist recommended by your doc or school to get a plan in motion. Actually do you understand what your child likes? Build on that slowly. Remember its not what you want your youngster to do and be like, they will show you if you listen. Kids can be completely their own individuals, as I have found with my three. I have one who is a high achiever and she is high strung perfectionist. Then I have a social as heck son an another daughter that seem to have trouble setting goals, and party hardy. Lifes a box of chocolates you never know what you'll get!

Answer 4

I was the exact same way growing up, and it lasted through highschool. Im an adult now and have regretted missing out on so much because I was shy.I always wished my mom would have made me do things growing up so that I would not have missed out on so much. Put her into activities and make her stick to it. Dont feel like your being mean to her because in the long run its good for her. Make her go into little stores to get things for herself , when she doesnt want to, each time she does it will build her confidence and she'll begin to want to do it.

Answer 5

First thing is don't force her into uncomfortable situations, this seems to be a natural tendency, I would go so far as to suggest that it is a result of a high level of awareness which itself can be an indicator of above average intelligence. As previously suggested, encourage participation in clubs and so on, the smaller and less threatening the better.

Answer 6

When a child feels positive about himself, his self-confidence, self-respect and behaviour will be positive too. A child who feels negative about himself will have less self-confidence and is more likely to feel unhappy and to behave negatively as a result.

Some children are very shy and don't have the confidence to speak or interact in public. Others are complete extroverts and very confident. Being a shy child is no reflection of a child's mental ability. Children who are shy in their childhood often pick up confidence as they grow up and become sensitive, confident, mature adults.

Answer 7

martial arts it teaches self discipline, gives confidence over time. she will make friends. she'll find a way to express herself most of all she will gain so much. try it for a month. go to marital art's studio in your city pick a little 1 at first, there kids of all ages, some offer one on one classes at first. when they join the other kids, there will be different classes of belts, to learn overtime. then competition's this is where she will learn the most from her master. all of my sons have been to martial arts, all of them shy at first. it does work, but it takes patience, love on the parent. time to let them grow into there own person. that is the difficult part of is once they learn, they have a skill to use everyday of their lives. 2 of my sons are giving lessons in self defence to others in college have learned a way to pay their own way. also learned to talk to people.

Answer 8

she should be fine, i was the same way i would always hide behind my mom and have to hold her hand everywhere i go. to this day i still wont go anywhere by myself. if she likes to read try getting her some kids books on self confidence and talk to her about it, tell her teachers to try and involve her more in the classroom but not to put her on the spot. good luck i think your daughter will be fine, i have tons of friends!

Answer 9

Give her opportunities of exposure to different walks of life. Take her to different events, sporting or musical or theatrical or whatever so she can see how others react in various situations. Let her come out of the situation rather than letting her know what you are trying to accomplish. Pray about it if you are a believer.

Answer 10

She's fine... it is just a part of who she is. Once she gets older, she will start to identify with more people and will have more friends. If you try to make her more outgoing, it might just make her more introverted. Just be there to encourage her and love her and just accept, no matter how hard it may be, that your daughter doesn't have a lot of friends and is simply shy.