I'm 24 and live with my friend (Nia,age 13 - no alive relatives) for 2 years already.Nia is quite mature, responsible, intelligent, kind,sensible girl(she acts like a 19yo and she doesn't miss any childhood-she is happy).We are very close,share everything(I don't feel as a guardian because she is the one who helps me when I have a problem or need support).I've never yelled at her or got angry with her.
She has that friend Sara (age 23 - I know her but we are not so close).A week ago Sara passed (a car accident during work-she is in the police and so am I,we were colleagues but weren't so close).And now Nia can't get over Sara's death.I help her, listen to her,hug her,talk about that when she needs(all the time) and understand her(I am there for her).Nia just feels so bad and I feel bad I can't help her pain go away.We all(my and Sara's colleagues) try to help Nia but she keeps crying all the time,she can't think of anything else,she doesn't want to eat or go out.How can I help her?
2007-11-17 04:26:34 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Don't offer the councelling thing - Nia never taks to psychologists and councellors,she doesn't like them.The only person she talk with am I.We have tried to get her talking to a councellor (there were other problems in the past) but she refuses and we can't do anything about it.
2007-11-17 04:26:49 · update #1
Time heals all wounds. She needs time to grieve the loss of her friend, and you are doing exactly the right thing by being there for her, letting her know you care, and when ever she is ready to talk about it you will be there for her as well. It took me months to get over my mother's death, even though I knew it was coming because she had cancer. Everyone grieves in different ways, If Nia needs to cry, let her cry. She will come around in her own time. It sounds like this child had a very rough start in life, and she is blessed to have a friend like you to care for her.
It might be nice to put together a memory book about Sara for her, with pictures of them together, and those kinds of things, enlist your co-workers who knew Sara to help you. Make the book all about the good times they had together. This will help her to remember the good times, and help take the focus off of the car accident that caused her untimely death, and hopefully will bring the smile back to Nia's heart.
Don't try to pressure her in to counseling, or push her to talk. She will, when she is ready. She will get over this, it's just going to take some time. It sounds like Nia has already had some major losses in her life already, so it may take her longer to work through this. Just be there for her, that's what she needs the most.
2007-11-17 05:14:03 · answer #1 · answered by CSmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you are helping quite a bit. Your support is essential. Considering her age, what she really needs is to go through a grieving process in a healthy way - she should cry and write in her journal - maybe try to write a "novel" or post a video about how she feels. Her emotions are developing and this will be a wonderful growing experience that she can eventually find inspiration in.
But she should also be encouraged to do at least one "now" thing every day. This includes making new friends at her own pace.
It also includes making sure she does not overeat or turn to alcohol to dull her pain. Going for an ice cream once in a while is helpful - but eating too much and watching too much TV is not.
When I lost a good friend I took a lot of walks outdoors and brought a notebook with me to write.
Eventually she will do more "now" things every day, and be settled about Sara.
It will also help to tell her that Sara is at peace now; if you are religious you may tell her that Sara is with God and is safe.
What terrible news, I am very sorry and wish you the very best.
2007-11-17 12:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe a short holiday will help a little bit. If Nia is so mature the story of the dead person who went on holiday and will remain in the new place, will not work. Try to find out why Sara was so special to Nia, try to engage into a conversation about the good times Nia spent with Sara, if you manage to get the positve out of Nia, then you would have gained her trust.
2007-11-17 12:37:25 · answer #3 · answered by ville009 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deaths are hard for everyone. Nia just probably needs time to think so give her a little time and get her out of the house doing things she likes. If this keeps up for a while you need to talk to her, tell her that Sara probably wouldn't want her to be miserable. She will always be sad and crying is just a way to let her emotions out so let her cry. If all else fails get a bunch of Sara's friends together and have them all say something they really liked about her and finish off with saying that everyone has to pass away sometime. I hope this helps.
P.S. If none of this works you need to inroduce her to Jesus if she hasn't "met" him yet. Good luck!
2007-11-17 12:36:40 · answer #4 · answered by ღSaraღ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like that was the last straw for her.
The one thing that broke her down.
It happens sometimes over something that you would seem is so insignificant.
Tragedy is hard and when someone so young that she can relate to is taken away it really hurts.
She needs time. Grief sometimes takes a year to subside and it is a gradual subsidance.
She is finally able to release all the bad stuff that has been pent up inside of her and she just needs time to get it out.
The best thing for you to do is to listen to her. You don't even have to say anything, she just has to get it out and just talking about what ever is in her is what she needs.
Try to keep her involved with you.
There may be someone at school she can trust to talk to. It don't have to be a counselor, sometimes teachers know what to do, too. Or even the janitor or kitchen worker.
I think you are on the right track.
2007-11-17 13:29:41 · answer #5 · answered by Tigger 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your loss and I feal that you are doing the right thing by supporting her. Just let her know to live out the rest of her life and to be happy because I would guess that as her friend Sara wouldn't want Nia to be upset forever. I'm not saying forget her just honor her in other ways. Please tell Nia that we feal her pain.
2007-11-17 12:33:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lil'V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awww, poor Nia. If Sara just died a week ago, it is going to take a LONG time for Nia to process that and grieve. Just be patient with her.
2007-11-17 13:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you cant expect her to get over the death of somebody she cared for deeply so quick, just keep doing what you're doing now, she needs somebody to be with her at the moment, and tell her that crying will do her passed friend no good, people come and go and when they go is something you wont be able to stop and happens for a reason, but even if they have left you, they still watch over you and still worry as much for you just like if they were still alive, and it saddens her past friend to see her cry from wherever she is, she should live a happy life, being herself for her and for her past friend :3
2007-11-17 12:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by janice_dela_cruz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, grieving is a natural process and you have to allow her to grieve. And it's going to take a while. Also go to the bookstore and get a book on how to help dealing with the grief.
In the meantime all you can do is be there for her and love her. You won't be able to take the pain away, but you'll be able to make it easier!
Good luck to you and Nia!
2007-11-17 12:32:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A memory shelf or box might help. So she can create something that represents Sara to her, that she can look at and remember the good things. Writing in a journal can help sometimes too. Other than that, keep reminding her that people care about her and that time will ease the pain.
2007-11-17 13:11:57 · answer #10 · answered by Jeccy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋