My 12yr old stepdaughter has been living with us for 6 mths. Her mum neglected her& "couldnt cope" as she has 3other children. My husband hardly ever sees his daughter as he has 2jobs where he works early mornings & evenings so he sees her pretty much as she is going 2bed.Her mother sees her once per fortnight, so im the one parenting her.
I'm also 7 months pregnant with my first child & i work.
Her mam has just had another baby, since then Abbie has been really really cheeky to me, disrespectful, argumentative and naughty, but she is always good for her dad.When she is good we get on really well, but she is turning into the child from hell.I dont have experience of being a mother to a child yet, im only 25.Her mother thinks my way of punishing her is 2harsh & has a go at me over it & my husband is tired of me moaning about his daughter who he can see does no wrong. She is obviously confused and feels unwanted. Do I be selfish & send her back? or keep trying? i dont know what 2 do.
2007-11-17 02:45:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know abbie feels as if she is being replaced by all of her mothers other children, she feels neglected by her mother. her mother does favour all of her other children over abbie and she has even told Abbie that- she told abbie she was going to put her into care if we didnt take her in. i have been with abbies dad for 8 years and we have always treated abbie as a family member rather than just a child. she knows we care about her and she knows i am trying my best with her, it is unfortunate her dad isnt here but i feel i have done a good job so far at being a parent to her and abbie knows this - we have little "chats" and she says she doesnt want to go back to her mums, because she isnt loved there. she says she doesnt know why she is being naughty and if she does she cant help it. she leaves me little notes and cards telling me how sorry she is, and how much she loves me - making me fel really guilty for being horrible to her.
2007-11-17 03:31:28 · update #1
Send her back - the stress is killing your unborn child. She's NOT your problem and both parents have dumped her on you.
2007-11-17 02:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by Dina K 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
set her and your husband down together. tell her that since you are the one who has to take care of her then its going to be under your rules. tell her that you love her and only want the best for her. that you will never make her feel unwanted and you want her to be able to come to you when she needs you. tell her with the baby coming it will be different and you will need her help. let her know she will be apart of the baby but babys take alot from everyone.tell her you will try to teach her the rights and wrongs in this world,but want her to listen ,not think of you as a bad person. teach her to cook. do her hair and put some make-up on her. she wants to know your friends with her too. try to see the things she enjoys and make it important to you too.just spending time with her watching tv will let you two bond.let her know this baby will be apart of her and have her help pick out some outfits with you. include her in your life. when somethings going wrong,talk with her. start telling her that you love her before bed every night. show her that she is loved.
2007-11-17 04:15:35 · answer #2 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't send her back to her mother..Set her down and tell her Look this is how it is going to be......You said she is feeling confused and unwanted but by sending her back to her mom would only make things worse..Sounds like she needs stability and you can give it toher.
She needs to know that she has a home and that she isn't going to be uprooted and handed off to her mother again.
You need to tell your husband that if he were around more he would see how she is but that he needs to trust you and that what you tell him is not moaning but the truth
2007-11-17 03:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd send her back to her mother.
You're pregnant and working, and it's not your responsibility to raise someone else's kid when her father rarely sees her.
And if the girls mother complains about the way you punish the girl, then tell her to come pick her up and raise her herself.
I think you've been thrown in the middle of a dysfunctional family and everyone seems to be making you the fall guy and you're not getting any respect or support from anyone.
2007-11-17 03:01:15 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
first of all, i think that your too young to get married [not being oximornic because im only 13]. most women that marry in their twenties have a divorce [ex: my mom. she married my dad when she was 23 and it has been 20 years of misery. she only stays cause she wants to raise my brother and me right] anywho; i think abbie is feeling like shes being replaced by all the babies. first, her mother didnt want her [which would make you feel like crap enough], but then, she goes to her dads expecting to feel loved [not bashing you or anything at all] but only sees her dad before she goes to sleep and your pregant - trying to replace her. this issue is too big for a teenager or even an [unprofessional] adult to solve. my advice would be to call doctor laura [1-800-drlaura] on monday. praying for you!
2007-11-17 03:02:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best thing would be to send her back and avoid harming yourself, your unborn baby and your entire family in the process.
2007-11-17 02:55:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes send her bk, and if the child ends up back in your care again; contact the social services.
2007-11-17 02:57:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Send her back if need be tell the court you do not want her in your house.
2007-11-17 03:01:38 · answer #8 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋