what to leave at a headstone?

Question

my boyfriend had just passed away, and yet the headstone was not put up yet i still want to leave something there for him.
i know everyone leaves, flowers, or decorations, but are we allowed to put other things there, and if so what kind of things should i leave, like things he liked to do .. i just want im to see i care you know.

Answer 1

When my grandfather died - my son and I went to visit his grave. My son was 4 at the time. Some of the family brought flowers, but my child set a couple of stones on the headstone, when I asked him why - he said because he had found them and thought my grandfather would have like to see them. I think that you should leave whatever means the most to you - or whatever strikes you at the moment. We also left a ceramic rose as my grandfather raised and loved roses.

Answer 2

You can leave anything you want. There are many traditions in the world.

The Chinese leave rice, Voudounists leave bottle of rum and other things, In Judiasm, you leave a rock on the top of the head stone. For a veteran, you would leave a flag, in European cultures (including the US) You leave Flowers, pictures, keepsakes (nothing expensive) Candles, Crosses or other religious symbols, Notes (yes, some people leave little poems or personal messages).

What did you and your boyfriend have in common? Di you like to bike, or ride mototcycles or swim? Was there a particular place the two of you spent a lot of time together? (If so, you can get some dirt or rocks from that place and leave it on the grave).

And believe me, sweetie - he knows you care. My condolences on your loss.

Answer 3

a lot of great answers here.
i just want to tell you that whatever is left is usually only left there for about a week or 2 before the staff of the cemetary will clean it up and throw it out. a friend of mine used to work at the cemetary (before he died) and we used to go through all the stuff left behind. it was a small town so if we knew there was something that the family wanted back we would give it back after 6 months or so - or give it to a different family member.

i am SO sorry for your loss. you must be devistated. remember he is in a much better place than we are.
peace be with you

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your loss! You must miss him terribly. I like the stone idea many people are giving. Personally, I think it is very trashy to leave toys, paper objects, candles, etc. In very little time they will become trash, due to the weather. The cemetery staff will throw them out in a week or so. I thought of something I would do because I like to paint. Paint some stones with things your boyfriend liked, or just words like "Love", "Remembrance", or "Eternity". They will be more permanent, like your memory of him.

Answer 5

Laminate a photo of the two of you and attach it to a stake to stick in the ground. Think about what his hobbies or favorite sports were: boating, car raceing, football..., then place some of those things around the plot. Just give it some thought and you'll come up with some great ideas. Sorry for your loss. God Bless.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for the loss you must be feeling. If it was my man, I'd write a letter to him each day, just as if we were talking. I'd have his little camera set up to take happy snaps of me with him abeit absent from the shots, and leave happy photos at the site. Leave an album of your photos so that other loved ones can look through. They will be taken away eventually.

I'm sorry I can't help you more.

Answer 7

I'm sure that leaving flowers or other remembrances would be appropriate, even if the headstone is not in place. I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

Some people (including me) just leave a little stone.

I used to see a lot of stones in the Jewish section of the cemetary. When I asked a friend to explain it to me I learned:

Stones will not die or spoil and are not likely to be stolen.
A stone is just a reminder that "somebody was here and remembers you."

I thought:
WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
and started to do the same thing myself.

Answer 9

anything that you feel he would have liked is appropriate. it doesnt have to be flowers. there's one headstone near my mother in laws that the wife did a fall wreath and had the husbands hand tool he used to make furniture inserted in the middle. some have cherubs and things like that on them.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for your loss. Leave something, that is personal between you and your bf.. something that means something, only to the two of you.. a stone from a place you went to, together... or something along those lines.