if your boy/girlfriend is jealous, does this mean you are not giving then enough love / attention?

Question

every time i go anywhere without him, my boyfriend questions me, to the extent that i feel i am doing something wrong, even when i am not. sometimes i dont enjoy going places because i keep thinking about how upset / anxious he is without me. i know its his "insecurity",but could i fix this a bit by reassuring him more/giving himmore attention?

Answer 1

As you've already stated, you know his jealous streak is a result of him being insecure. You cannot 'fix' his insecurity by giving him more attention.

The thing here is: it is HIS problem. You giving him more attention may reduce the problem --- but only for a little while. Over time, you will get tired of giving this added attention & reassuring. By then, he will have gotten use to the added attention. As you try to withdraw back to 'normal', he'll still be insecure, just that he'll need even more attention (becomes a rather viscious cycle).

Is there an adult you can go to for help? Depending on how bad the jealousy, you could need a trusted adult (pastor, teacher, school counselor) to first discuss the situation and potentially diffuse the situation with your b/f. People who have an insecruity which results in jealousy can become unstable easily. For whatever reason, they have an inherent distrust of others and use the jealousy, anger and intimidation to impose a sense of control over the situation. You are already experiencing this by not wanting to go places because of what you will have to face later.

You have taken the right first step by seeking help. Please go to a trusted adult to find help. While your b/f may be harmless, this is no time to find out otherwise. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change .

Please understand, while I think you should end this relationship, you need to get the advice from someone you trust who can understand the complete picture.

Answer 2

Hi, Your boyfriend is very insecure, and most probably will never get over his insecurity no matter what you do. Why should you be put through the 3rd degree every time you go out, that is not fair on you and the situation may only go worse. You have to have a life with friends as well as with your boyfriend and he must learn to understand this, because what was endearing behaviour when you first met will slowly become very annoying and then he risks losing you. It may even take over your life, and why be chained indoors with no friends just because of your boyfriends insecurity.

Answer 3

I don't want to seem harsh, but end this. If you don't have tons invested in this relationship. He is very insecure and will be a constant control freak. I married this same man. And while I love him, it never goes away. Therapy may work, but do you really want to worry about that right now? You don't deserve to feel like you are always doing something wrong. His problem is exactly that, his. You will spend all of your time trying to make him happy and it won't work. Don't you ever spend one second thinking that you did anything.

Answer 4

it extremely is probable between the main puzzling issues that would and does come between a husband and spouse. For all that element in the previous the toddler he did get all your interest and now he has to share that. it is not jealousy, that's a feeling of being skipped over. blunders are being made by applying the two one among you. you're the two to blame and you're the two good. What a complicated difficulty huh? Now you have toddler #2 on the way quickly, meaning you would be divided much extra. on no account adequate time for each thing and all of us is there? You suggested high quality time. it extremely is something which you would be able to desire to devise. maybe no longer for the 1st couple of months after the recent toddler, yet after that. Plan and execute a date evening. Get a babysitter, maybe a depended on kinfolk member or good pal, so the "little ones" can spend the evening with them. Or e book a hotel room for the evening. Have a romantic dinner for 2. Then maybe a action picture, dancing or different interest you the two get excitement from. Then spend the evening on my own, doing what married couples do. Make love all evening. try this a minimum of two times a month. this would tell him that he too continues to confirm, which you nevertheless love him and which you nevertheless love him very plenty. In between date nights, attempt to schedule out a minimum of one hour interior the evening in basic terms for him, pay better interest to him. Make your kisses passionate, make your hugs better business enterprise and longing. throughout all of this technique, do no longer ask for his help with the youngsters, ask if he would prefer to spend specific time with them, in basic terms the two or 3 of them. As he responds further and added to that kind of coercian he would even see your attitude and function extra know-how. even though it does take 2, what you may desire to realize on the same time as you're "Mommy" you're nevertheless "spouse" and would desire to maintain him as "Husband" no longer in basic terms "Daddy".

Answer 5

This is the first phase of LOVe , wher in every boyfriend becomes over possesive and over protective of his girlfriend , yes its because of insecurity of loosing you.
This happens to every girl. No there's not much you can do about it. Probably you don't tell him if u r going out (to avoid arguments) Else don't go anywhere.

Answer 6

I doubt it, it's his issue. Probably rooted deep in his subconciuos. Maybe his parents didnt have a honest relationship? Its likely to go way back. I'd talk to him about it. But at the end of the day all you can give is your word, he can take it or leave it. No point in being in a relationship without trust

Answer 7

Being jealous is all about them being insecure. He's jealous because he thinks maybe he's not good enough and there could be someone out there that is better for you.

Answer 8

While you cannot completely fix it, talk to him about it. Tell him that you're only interested in him and he has nothing to worry about. Show him your love, but don't forget to make him understand that he needs to control his jealousy. Hope this helps, good luck!

Answer 9

Well, i think he seems to be insecure,and thinks that maybe when you go somewhere without him, that you have something going on.Talk to him about it.Other wise this amy just keep going on.And im sure you both dont want that.
Good Luck!

Answer 10

he is insecure, and there's probably nothing you can do to fix it, the more you reassure him the more he thinks your lying to him, so it's kind of a catch 22, your damned if you do and damned if you don't.