My daughter has to tell her son that the person he belives is his dad is not. He is 8 years old.?

Question

How do we tell him?

Answer 1

This is how I told my daughter. I told her when she was 5 years old, so it was pretty easy. 8 years old shouldnt be too hard either, hes young enough to accept it without feeling hurt. If you tell a child young enough its no big deal they just deal with it as kids do. I said to my daughter "You know how you have a real daddy, well you have another daddy too, he lives in another state and he isnt able to see you" I showed her a picture of her biological father. She just looked at it as if it was nothing.....lol. I also told her how lucky she is to have 2 daddy's. She went to school the next day and told the whole class in "show and tell" how she was lucky and she had 2 daddy's.....LOL. I wouldnt be saying too much more, let the son ask question and answer him in age appropriate terms. He will come to you at varying times of his life with question.....just answer him honestly and allow him to grow up with the truth. My aunt and uncle didnt tell their daughter she was adopted. She found the paperwork when she was 16. She was absolutely devestated. They had lots of problems with her.....she ran away from home and got into a lot of trouble. Thats why telling your children the truth when they are young enough is very important. Good luck.

Answer 2

Tell him now. If he finds out from someone else when he's older (as my cousin did by some brat at school) it will not only be harder on him, but he will feel he was lied to and the longer he feels he was lied to the angrier he will be. 8 is old enough to understand the basics. I wouldn't tell him anything about his real father that may make him feel like he wasn't wanted. If it is a case that Dad split just tell him Dad wasn't able to be a Dad to him for grown up reasons and when he's older if he wants to know you'll explain it to him then. I do suggest you speak with a counselor and get some advice on how to say it to him, how much info and what info to share with him at this age, and follow up with a session for him just to make sure he handles it ok.

Answer 3

she needs to do it sooner rather than later my mum didn't tell me I found by accident from some of my mothers friends and I was an adult and at that time 1 of 10 children and the result of an affair it hurt me very much .I now know my birth father but he is 84 and ill in hospital at this moment I took some days off work to go and see him .the very sad thing about all of this is his other children hate me as they think i am after his will and that is so not true all i want is to catch up on the many years i have not had him .I love my father very much and i understand why my mother didn't tell me she said she was waiting for the right time but the right time never comes .
your daughter must say something now children are very strong and her son will ask questions and she must tell the truth .and dint fill the child with a load of bad things about his father .I hope all goes well .

Answer 4

I think there is too much emphasis on blood relationships and not enough on social relationships. Try it from that avenue. Tell him you need to tell him something very important and you don't know if he's going to be upset or not, but first you want to talk about dads. Then ask him what he thinks dads are supposed to be like. Then tell him that he had two kinds of dad. A biological dad, who helped make him, and a social dad who does the dad things like looking after him. Tell him it's all a bit weird. Some people call their biological dad their "real" dad, and others call their social dad their "real" dad. Ask him if he can think of a good label for each of his dads. Maybe he'll call one his real dad, and the other his "other dad." Now he's probably going to need reassurance from his proper dad, that this news isn't going to spoil their relationship; and if his biological dad isn't interested in him, he needs to understand why, and that could change one day.

Answer 5

Telling the truth is always best, especially in cases like this. It will be hard, tearful and very emotional. However, everyone needs time to adjust to it and spend time together whilst they can enjoy that time. The end may not be the best memories, so they need happy ones to help compensate. Children can cope with death very well, better than some adults. This is often forgotten as adults want to protect young people. However, as unfortunate as death is, it is one of the certainties of life and something we all have to cope with. A hard lesson to learn first, but gets easier.

Answer 6

I grew up believing someone was my dad until a member of my family 'accidently' told me when I was 9 years old that he wasnt my biological dad! I confronted my mum and she had to tell me the truth. My biological dad was very violent and we left when I was 8 months old, he never got into contact with my mum and I know he only lives about two miles from me. I grew up with someone who took me on as his own daughter from 18 months old, I never knew any different as he treats me exactly the same as my siblings. I have never brought it up to him, as I dont see it as a issue. Everyone has a different way of delaing with things and at first he may be upset etc but this is understandable, everything he believed in will be taken away from him. I have enormous admiration for a man who can take on another mans child as his own! If you would like anymore advice on how I dealt with it dont hesitate to contact me via email. Best of luck xx

Answer 7

Went through this with my daughter I told her when she was 9-I tried to explain that i was only trying to protect her & save her from heartach.She is 19 now & understands why I did what I felt was in her best intrest but wishes I had told her at an earlier age.Just be straight up honest & explain Why,The father she always thought was her real father is still in her life & he's great & she loves him now more than ever.I pray it works out for you

Answer 8

It's hard to answer a question like that with out more details...did your daughter no all along ....did she separate from the 8 year old real dad, does she no who the real dad is,,,where is hes real dad, is he still alive....PLEASE don't take offense to my question...but more detail is needed...I know a few social workers...if you were to email me I could ask them the best way to handle this problem for you...I give you my word they will not know where this question came from or who !!!!!!!

Answer 9

this august, i had to tell my seven year old daughter that my current husband was not her father. i just sat down and told her the truth, what had happened and why. i then took her to her biological father's myspace page and let her look at pictures of him. soon they were talking on the phone and emailing back and forth. after i couple of weeks they finally met and now he is a permanent part of her life and she wants to be just like daddy. good luck and if you have any problems, it would be wise to contact a counselor or a pastor for the child to meet with.

Answer 10

People are too compassionate towards kids and want them to stay innocent but this child NEEDS to know, he will be confused but you'll just have to hope he soon accepts it knowing that this man, even though he is not biologically his father, he still is his dad and he loves him, if you wait until he is in his teens he will be angry and resent his mother and true father, the man who raised him. Kids are far smarter then anyone gives credit to them. This is just my opinion, I have never been faced with this dilemma and I wish you guys the best of luck :)