Which is worse: Telling someone you're coming to their party and not showing up or telling someone you're not

Question

coming but showing up anyway?

I know many people consider etiquette a joke these days but I do not.

Answer 1

I think saying you'd go and not going would be worse, because you never know if the party-holder has spent money on something extra for you, e.g. tickets for a movie or something like that.
but if you just said you're not going, you could say other things like "I'm feeling a little sick," or something else.
They'd understand if you didn't really want to go, or couldn't go, but if you said you're going and didnt turn up, you'll need a good excuse or you'd get alot of put-downs.

That's my opinion anyway,
hope it helps you!

Answer 2

That's a good one. Either way it puts the host/hostess at a disadvantage. It's possible that an emergency arose and the person was injured, or something like that, if they replied yes and then didn't show up. I would hope as soon as they could they would call. I think RSVP'ing that you are not & then showing up is worse. Someone may have been asked to fill this person's place.

Answer 3

Well, both scenarios are bad etiquette and inconsiderate in my opinion.

However I would be more offended if someone said they were coming and did not show up. Although, there may have been a legitimate reason why they didn't show up.

Someone showing up when they said they weren't coming isn't as bad personally but could be logistically worse since you could a limited number of resources (food, drink, etc.) and more people showing up could exhaust that.

So, my heart says it worse when someone doesn't show up but my mind says it worse when someone does show up that wasn't supposed to.

Answer 4

I think it depends on the kind of party, and the reason for being absent.

If it's a big party, and you initially said that you'd come, but then were unable because of some unforeseen circumstance, it's not a big deal.

If it's a very small gathering, and the hostess has carefully planned for a certain amount of food, and you've said you're not coming, but then come, this is a problem.

So it depends.

Answer 5

It's definitely not at all acceptable to say you're not coming and then show up anyway. They won't have planned for you.

Of course, saying you'll be there and never pitching is only a step below in ettiquette ugliness. If you have a valid reason for not making it, notify the host as soon as you know. Unless it involves death or dismemberment, simply not showing without explanation is poor form.

Answer 6

Take for an example, a wedding, if you tell them you're coming and don't they are loosing money because your plate is paid for by the host and hostess. On the other hand, if you tell them you're not coming and do come, there will not be a plate for you and no food.......the worse one is, to tell them you're coming and don't because they have lost money because of you......please have some etiquette and don't do either.................

Answer 7

R.S.V.P. means just that, respond please. It is much ruder to respond with a lie, the reason for the request is so the person can make appropriate plans for the event, purchase food, etc. If your plans change and you can make it, call ahead and ask if you may come if it's not a small dinner party where this will put the hostess out.

Answer 8

What I would consider worse is if someone siad they would come but didnt.

I rather they j ust tell me why they arent coming and honest up front vs lying.

Answer 9

The right thing to do is to let them know you are not coming, and then if you decide you are going, to give them a quick phone call letting them know, and making sure it's still ok to attend

Answer 10

Both is equally bad. You see, people have to know how many people are coming so that they can cater food.