how do I break the Ice and give a good impression.after all this time.?

Question

I raised my son till he was about nine. his mother and I dont talk at all. they moved to another city. and three years later....
I get an email from him . so we corresponded a few times... then nothing for three months. how do i approach this situation? I dont know what to say.....
I WOuld like to get to know him. how do I give a good impression and break the ice? he's 15,

Answer 1

Tell him that you want to see him. Ask him if he enjoys any particular types of sports (maybe take him to a game) or see if any events are taking place near the city where he lives and ask him to go to it with you. Let it be his choice. Don't pressure him in away to feel obligated. Make it sound like you are interested in spending time with him but that you also understand if he has other obligations. Tell him that you would like to get to know him after all this time and that you really do miss seeing him. After that, the ball is in his court. He is 15 so that is a tough age. Hopefully he isn't bitter and shares the same feelings. After all, he initiated contact with you first through email, so it tells me that he is also interested in getting time with you. Don't feel that you have to buy his love. If you can't afford tickets to a game or big events or theme parks, then just asking him to get together with you for a fishing or camping trip might be fun. Or, just go get a burger and shoot the breeze. Just be his dad.

Answer 2

You didn't mention how far away the city is, and that will make a difference in the ease with which you can reconnect.

You need to remember that you are the adult, it is your responsibility to make the overtures and do what it takes to redefine the relationship. Your son may feel abandoned if you have not made much effort to stay in touch over the years.
That is a very difficult age, kids are finding their way, they are confused and rebellious and don't know what they are feeling from one minute to the next, so don't expect it to be easy to get to know him....it may be, but just be prepared for whatever happens.

If he contacted you, and then stopped corresponding it may have been kind of a test to see if you cared enough about him to continue the relationship. Be honest with him. Contact him in person if possible and tell him how you feel. Do you have regrets about not being in his life, do you wish you could have been closer, do you worry about how he feels about you, that he may resent you etc.??? If so tell him.
If you are serious about being in his life reassure him that you will not leave again, and mean it. You must be sincere, and willing to continue to make an effort. And no matter what, do not speak badly of his mother.

Answer 3

i'm not quite sure why the emails stopped - did you stop or did your son stop?? but, in any event, if you want to get to know him, email him again. open up your heart to him. let him know that too many years have past and that you are sorry you weren't there for him and that you hope you can make it up to him that you really want to be in life. i wouldn't worry about the good impression as much as telling him the truth of what you feel. remember he is your son, try to build a relationship together. good luck in whatever you decide to do.