How to cope with death after having some time?

Question

i have so much anger within me and i cry all the time mourning the death of my mother. its getting impossible at times. at first i was ok because i knew she was relieved from the pain but now i just miss her and feel scared and empty and helpless. i feel every1 understands what im going through but noone does and i feel i am being annoying to people around me and i know i will always feel this pain and maybe it will be less but right now its really bad.

Answer 1

You will always feel the pain of loosing a Mother. There will always be a hole where the love for her was. It will get better in time, but until then.... let yourself feel the pain, anger, resentment or anything else you are feeling. You need to go through these feelings in order to heal.

If the people around you think it is annoying, then that is their problem. If you want to relieve some of the stress on them, you can always seek counseling so you can dump your anger and hurt there. I have a therapist and let me tell you, I say things in there I wouldn't say in most other circumstances. They can be very helpful.

I lost both of my grandparents on the same day. They were buried together. I have a few bad days, now and again but it is much better than in the beginning. I felt like there was a suffocating hole in me for the longest time. They were very important people in my life and I wasn't ready to let go. There are still times when I don't want to let go. Fresh wounds come up. (They just recently tore down the gas station my grandpa ran for most of his life.... it felt like he had died all over again) My daughter actually had to tell me to leave the place where they were tearing down grandpa's station because she said, I was just making myself suffer. I did, leave... but it took a while to recover from that.

I hope that you will eventually be able to come to terms with the loss of your mother. I am sure, even if it is frustrating for your friends, that if they are your friends, they will still be there for you. Sadly, no one but time can take away your pain.

Answer 2

I have been through a similar situation. The thing that gives me the most comfort is knowing that I WILL SEE HER AGAIN !!! It ain't over. There is a whole new and better life awaiting. Consideration: How many hairs are on your head? Lets say that each single strand of hair equals 1000 years. How many years would all your hair add up too? Now not only your head, add to that all the people in New York and Chicago. That total is just the beginning to the length of time Heaven will last, As you said, she is no longer in pain. Not only physical pain but she no longer has any worries, no need for glasses, she has no need for a dentist, doctor, etc. because where she is there is no such thing as pain, limitations,----everything is already perfect. She is also seeing the loved ones she had that passed away before she did. Shes happy ! You will join her some day. Would she want you to have a good life or a bad life? Good-right? So why put yourself through suffering and have a bad life? It helps a lot to get your mind on other worth wile things. Help out at a shelter for the poor a food pantry, a Church...help others. Give yourself an occasional treat. Do some things you have always wanted to do but haven't tried yet.

Answer 3

Hon, I so know what you are going through!! My Mom died in April of 2005! She died of a massive heart attack with absolutely no warning! I still remember getting the call that morning and the absolute shock and devastation that I felt!! She was my best friend besides my husband! We talked every day even though she lived so far away! She was the first that I told everything to! Something sad happened, call Mom, something good, etc. For so long after she died and even now I still sometimes pick up the phone to call her and realize that she isn't there!!

You will feel all kinds of feelings for a long time. It starts with sadness, then disbelief, then anger and can go back and forth! It seems like you just can't even stand people saying "I'm sorry" even one more time!! You know they mean well but it just doesn't help!!

I can promise you that the pain will get better!! I thought it never would, but now I can look at pics of my Mom and smile instead of cry! Don't get me wrong, I still get sad at points, but it is much better!! With the Lord's help, I have healed and I know that I will see her again in Heaven and that makes it so much better!!

I just want you to know that I will be praying for you and for you to know that over time it will get easier!!

Answer 4

This might sound kind of silly,

but when I've lost loved ones, it helps to imagine the person as a concentration of energy, and then to visualize the dissipation of that energy. This person isn't "gone" but has changed forms.

Some people think of this in terms of a conscious spirit. I guess if you believe in Heaven, you can try to visualize the ascension of the soul. I think more in terms of physical matter and energy and realize that those parts are still exist in the world.

Philosophically, your mother still exists in the memories you have of her and those others have of her. You, as her child, exist as a part of her. You can still draw happiness from the thoughts you have of things you two have shared, (I guess a different way of saying "think of the good times..."), and in that way she still continues to give you things, despite not being around the way she once was. That helps me. But maybe that seems to "out there." I don't know.

* * *

As far as support goes, it might help if you talk to other family members, especially if you have brothers and sisters, or like someone suggested, find a grief counselor.

People do know how you feel. Please don't shut off your grief or emotions, or feel bad about those things because people around you don't know how to relate to you or comfort you.

Answer 5

I feel for you dear, as I went through the same thing in 2003, then my father died two months later. Don't think you are alone in feeling this way, no matter what age you are. It is very bad in the beginning, but day by day the grief is easier to cope with. You should see a counselor--I did and it was very helpful. You should also talk to people who you know have been through it, and ask them how they coped. One thing a friend told me also was, "you will never stop grieving, but you will learn to cope with it." You will not continue to feel as if you were freshly wounded for the rest of your life, and as time passes, you will actually be able to have thoughts about her without cracking. It's been quite a road for me, especially with both going so close together, but now my thoughts about them are like little gems that I keep in my pocket. Little gems of love, humor, and memories.

Answer 6

For many of us the pain never goes away and it is OK to have those feelings and to miss her. If she died recently you should find youself better able to cope as time goes on. If it has been many months you might well see a therapist to help you get stronger and get back to a productive life. I'm sure your mother would want you to miss her but also be able to move on. I take it your mother was too young to go which makes it all the harder to accept.

Answer 7

Set up a day out of the week where you can honor your mother perhaps going to the cemetary or eating at her favorite place. Then try doing this once a month, then once a year. Not saying you want to forget your mother but you have to get your mother out of your head before you go crazy. Keep her in your heart and remember her when you wish. Know she is around you and is much happier now. She want u to live your life and be happy.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry. Of course as time passes the pain will lessen. Maybe finding a support group with other people who've lost their mothers or seeing a counselor could help you grieve and work through your feelings. There may be some offered through churches, community centers, health clinics and hospitals. Good luck =)

Answer 9

It is understandable you would feel the loss. As long as you continue to morn, you will not recover. You have not let go yet and when it is time, you will. She is not coming back and it may be time for you to Lovingly let her go. You may be holding her spirit here by your morning. There is a time we all must go and that was her time. She is in a better place and if you knew how wonderful, you would not want her back here.
Nothing anyone can say will get you well from your anguish. You have to decide to let her go and get on with your life. Dwelling on her will not change a thing. When her thoughts come , you will need to quickly change the subject in your mind and let her go.
Rev. TomCat

Answer 10

first, im sorry for your loss. However, You still have others that love you and you can not push them away. You need them right now. Lean on them, dont beat them up. Your mother has passed, but you can still move forward in your life. These things can only be overcome with time and effort. time passes, and so does pain. But you owe it to yourself and your mother to not harbor anger in your heart. Hang on to the beautiful times you remember and feel blessed you knew your mother. Learn to turn this into a blessing for your future.