How do i cope with a family member that does drugs?

Question

My brother is a middle child and has always been the biggest trouble maker out of the three of us. He is 19 and began to drink when he went to college. but this scares me because when he drinks he gets as drunk as possible to the point where he cant even control himself and like pees his pants. I also know he does weed and think that maybe he might do coke but im not sure.. i dont even want to know because it scares me to death..what can i do to help him if he doesnt even know he has a problem? we arent that close so its really hard but i still love him and it hurts me to see him like this.. HELPP

Answer 1

For starters, you can accept the fact that you are powerless over his disease....Believe it or not, that is what alcolism and drug addiction are...a disease. An allergy of the body and an obcession of the mind...and the saddest part is that there is nothing you can do for him except to detatch with love.
There is a program called Al-Anon, for family and friends of alcoholics...it is a support program that has helped literally millions.

Feel Free to email me if you need any more details.

Been there, Done that...on both sides of the fence. Life is better today.

Bless you and yours
)o( Trinity

Answer 2

You can't do it alone. Your entire family will need to aquire the assistance of a therapist and you will all have to come together for an intervention. Hopefully you all feel the same way about your brother and if so, finding him help will be the easiest part of the intervention process - staying firm with him and not giving in to him because you feel bad about tricking him into quiting his bad habits is another thing. Interventions are not easy. A lot of people think that they can call an intervention and then just walk away and the problem is solved. This is not so, there are some addicts that deal with their dependency on a daily basis through therapy, determination, newly learned habits and coping tools, not wanting to disappoint family and friends again by having a relapse and so on. When you form an intervention, keep in mind that you are telling this person that their behavior not only affects their life in a negative way, but it also impacts yours as well. The whole family needs to support this person through the recovery process...even if it means tough love is the only way to get through to them. Call up Alanon for you to learn coping techniques to help your brother and get in contact with a therapist and see what can be done. Your brother will not be happy with an intervention in the beginning, he will feel ganged up on, and more-over he will feel like you are all picking on him. That is why therapy is so important, so that the therapist can mediate the intervention and allow your feelings to be heard.

Answer 3

Your brother doesn't realize that he's hurting you. I think the first step towards recovery is establishing the facts. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about the way he's behaving. He might not like what you're telling him, but if you give him some space he'll start thinking about it on his own. Plant that seed in his head and every time the subject comes up make sure you let him know that what he's doing isn't healthy and it is affecting him and the people around him. Let him know that you're there for him but don't be too controlling. Be careful with your words and always be the bigger person. Don't let it turn into an argument.

Answer 4

My sympathy to you, and my prayers will be with you. I was married to a man that was heavy into drugs and nothing helped with him not even divorcing him, he did not have the desire to change. I also have a daughter who was doing drugs very heavy becoming pregnant stopped her drug use, but that won't work with your brother. My son was on drugs because he was unhappy, once I found out what the problem was I helped him solve it and he no longer felt the need to do drugs. Most people at your brothers age drink until they are so drunk that they don't remember what happens. It isn't right and not all teenagers do it, but it is not uncommon. I am the mother of six and I have found out through experience that they drink, they smoke weed, some try harder drugs. Out of six children I have two that have never done any drugs, but they have consumed alcohol. They don't drink to excess but they drink. Now none of my children do drugs. There wasn't anything I did until they asked for help and then I did what I could, I am always there for them.

Answer 5

you can tell him how his actions make you feel and THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO. If you do anything else, you are possibly entering into a co-dependent relationship which will only hurt both of you. If you feel like his behavior is beginning to affect you in a negative way and it is something you no longer wish to deal with, you can also arrange an intervention or even have a one-man intervention. Let him know that what he is doing really hurts you, that you love him, but that if he doesn't want to get help you can't be around him any longer. But, before you do that, let him know your feelings first. It may engage him and get him talking when he otherwise might not have.

Answer 6

You need to take that up with your parents... please tell them your suspicions so they can stage some kind of intervention. They can take him to a doctor to get his blood tested, and can proceed from there to get him into some kind of treatment.
The fact that he lets himself get so far out of control means that he is in trouble.

If he is still living at home with the parents and you, some steps need to be taken to secure the house because there is no such thing as a trustworthy addict. At some point, while he is inebriated and suggestible, he will talk about where mom & dad have all their goodies and you may well come home to a very calculatingly robbed house.
It happened to my family. My brother not only talked to the local hoods while under the influence, but would also steal things from his own family.

I suggest you get a keyed lock on your own bedroom door and use it.
I also suggest that your parents get a deadbolt lock on both their bedroom door and their closet door (to turn it into a safe). Consider getting a burglar alarm.

Answer 7

Check your paper for alanon (not sure if it is spelled like that)
there will be people that can help you because they have been thru or are going thru this exact same thing.
Either way
do not go this alone
do you have a parent that can assist in intervening....
he obviously has a few problems that are not being addressed.
until those problems are dealt with the the other destructive behaviors will remain because the drinking and the drugs are asymptom of the problem, but not the problem itself

Answer 8

if he isnt willing to admit that he has a problem, then there is nothing you can do.
admitting it is the first step.
even if your not all that close - talk to him (when he is sober) tell him how you feel and what you see,and offer to be supportive and help him out by getting him into coucnceling.
talk to your parents..
if all else fails, then one of these times that he is super drunk,call the police and then step back
he will be mad at you and may even hate you for awhile,but he will get over it

Answer 9

Your brother either has a serious illness or is developing a serious illness. It's called alcoholism and YOU can't cure the disease.

So you can do the same things that anyone that has a family member with a serious illness does to cope.

Namely, support group. Al Anon is one.

Good luck.

Peace.

Answer 10

I was on lots of drugs since i was 13 Im 20 now and am clean sometimes you have to let them figure it out themsevles that it is a waste of time. Rehab might push him even father away and it won't help inless he wants it (Ive been there)