Married Man?

Question

I have a thing for a man that is not only 12 years older than myself but also married. He has an apparent thing for me too. I dont want him to love me or to leave his wife or be with me or anything. I think the reason im questioning getting together with this guy is that there is no chance of a commitment. I pick men that are usually commitment phobes but they always somehow or another end up falling for me and i usually dont feel the same way back. This situation garuntees that however i dont know how i feel about getting involved with someone married. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Yikes...

Everyone here has nothing but nastiness and judgment.

You asked for thoughts...not judgment...but maybe I should read the question again.

I dated a married man once. The difference is, I was 20, unmarried and didn't care. I had specific rules of engagement and I was in charge of how the relationship was going to work out. His wife was not MY problem, she was HIS problem. And even if dating a married man is immoral, HE was committing the bigger crime as far as I'm concerned. HE was married to her, not me. I didn't make any promises to her, HE did.

I liked the idea that I could do whatever I wanted...no strings. What killed the relationship was the fact that he wasn't always available when I wanted to hang out...and let's face it, when a 20 year old wants to party, the 20 y.o. WILL PARTY WITHOUT YOU! So I moved on...

Now that I'm on my way to 40, happily married and deeply spiritual, I don't worry about KARMA...because I firmly believe that I wasn't the one damaging their marriage. He came to ME...and even though I knew what I was getting into...I didn't do it with malice...I actually thought I was in-love...

Look before you leap...it's easy to fall for a married man when you have nothing to lose. Trust me, I know...

When I asked my mother if she had ever been with a married man, her response was, "Sure..." When I asked her whatever happened to him, she said, "That's him over there snoring in bed!" My parents (stepdad) were married for 20 years before he passed.

Things just work out however they're supposed to.

Best of luck in making your tough decision...

Answer 2

If you want to help a marriage break up then go for it. Your reasons for even thinking about it are pretty selfish. You dont mention how old you are but you must be very immature to think this way. If you don't want commitment I am sure you can pick up a guy at a club any night you want sex. There is no need to go and break up a marriage just for sex.
I am sure you will get a lot of people calling you all sorts of names in Yahoo answers and thats to be expected. But you need to realise this is taboo, even if the man says the marriage is not working or that he is considering divorce I still wouldnt get involved. Unless he has already had a clean break from his wife its a no go situation.
Think of this as if you are the wife... how would you feel if you found out your man was having an affair? You would have thought you marriage was happy before this and then wham!!! he goes off with some bimbo.

Answer 3

The question is, "If you were married would you appreciate your husband cheating on you with another woman?" I am sure that your answer would be NO, so why would you do this with this woman. The golden rule should apply in this situation, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." Patience, you will find the one you belong with.

Side note:
If this other person is your "Soul Mate" make sure that he is not married before you starts focusing on a relationship with him. If he comes onto you, tell him that you can't until he no longer is married, period, end of story. You may like him but you don't need to sneak around to have a relationship. If anything, he would be committed to keeping you a secret (not exactly the commitment your looking for).

Answer 4

You say you don't want him to- love you or leave his wife or be with you...so I don't see the problem. You have said you don't want anything, or am I reading this incorrectly?

No one will ever find happiness at the expense of causing others pain. And that is what you do anytime you become involved with a married man. Even if no one finds out, the time he spends with you is a betrayal of his wife. Do you want to be with a dishonest, untrustworthy, unfaithful man? What can you hope to have if you do begin a relatlionship?

We all have free will, and can choose how to live our lives. We can choose to develop a good value system that can't be compromised, and is based on respect for ourselves and others. I think you need to work on your self-esteem and personal worth.
I know how you should feel about getting involved with a married man, there is no doubt in my mind what you should do. I think you know also, or you wouldn't be asking.

Answer 5

Well.. the good thing is that you recognize YOUR challenge... picking men that are commitment phobes... and I think part of you also realizes that YOU are a commitment phobe yourself... which is why you fall for unavailable men. They are "safe" and you'll never have to fully give them everything that is needed to succeed in a relationship.

Now.. what do you do about it? I know it sounds simplistic... but just say no. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you are NOT available for an affair with him or any other married man. Let him know that you respect yourself. Let him know that, even if HE doesn't, you respect his wife and her trust in him. The "thing" of which you speak is part attraction, part lust, part forbidden fruit. JUST SAY NO.

You will respect yourself down the line. And you will discover that married men who cheat just aren't worth it. All they are after is ONE thing. They will NOT leave their wives for you - and even if he did... do you want a cheater?

Put the whole thing in perspective. HE IS CHEATING... maybe not sexually right now... but he is thinking about it and he is pursuing you for that one thing... tell him to go home to his wife. Tell him to give HER the attention he is giving you... Tell him to put as much effort into his current relationship as he is putting in to chasing you into bed.

Then go home and tell yourself you have done the noble, the right, and the intelligent thing. You will hold your head up high and realize that you are worth more than a few stolen moments that will ALWAYS be in secret...

Answer 6

In this situation try not to think of yourself but rather your crushes' wife. Would you want to be her? Imagine have your spouse cheat on you...its a cruel thing to do to someone.
Think this through. Don't be the person that ruins someone commitment for life. If he wants to cheat don't help him break the trust and even possibly the love between him and his wife. Imagine the look on her face if she ever found out. Could you actually live with yourself if you helped cause that?

Answer 7

Yes - run the other way - fast! Only trouble lies ahead for you & this older married man! I had the hottest affair with a married man - so hot - we both left our spouses to be together "forever" - guess how long forever was - not even 3 weeks! Now I am horribly disappoointed and heartbroken!

Answer 8

No more whacky tabacky for you. HE'S MARRIED, you freak-biscuit!!! He's also a guy so his greatest weakness is you. Also, yeah he can commit. But the fact that he would cheat on his wife means he would cheat on you. Don't be stupid. Don't be stupid, don't be stupid. I had to say that three times because if you are stupid you needed to read it three times. You have low self esteem. Stop that. Go get a golf club out of your closet and go get yer own man, girlfriend. Fook that bum!!!

Answer 9

Well, as long as you are in a relationship where where you don't have to commit, who cares what it does to his wife and family?

Wow.

I don't even know what to say about you other than you need to do something that satisfies your need not to commit other than ruining an entire family.

But hey...look on the bright side...once you have the rep as a homewrecker, no one will want to be with you, either.

I am surprised you are even considering this. How proud your parents must be.

Answer 10

Do not go near a married man. You'll be saving yourself a lot of trouble and sleepless nights. It's a one way road to no where.