These relatives have to spend time planning an out of town trip.....have their car serviced and gased up, have someone to look after their pets in their absence, and yet they fail to give me the courtesy of a phone call to let me know when they will be traveling thru to visit other relatives just beyond my area. My mom recently passed away and I inherited her properity; these relatives never let her know when to expect them, they just showed up. It always annoyed her. Now, I live on her properity and the out of town relatives want to visit unannounced, as they did with my Mom. The last time they showed up unexpectedly, I wasn't able to go to the door. Now, I feel as tho I behaved badly, even tho my health is poor, plus I'm not as good a housekeeper as my Mom was. They only visit for about 20 minutes. How would you handle this problem if it were you?
2007-11-16 15:42:15 · 12 answers · asked by wildflower 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I do want to keep in touch with the relatives, but just want the courtesy of a phone call to let me know they will be stopping by about Sunday afternoon on their return trip to their home. Will I be home? I hate to be put in a position of not being ready to receive guests, even for 20 minutes.
2007-11-16 16:01:42 · update #1
I've been outside in my garden, I'm hot and sweaty, need a shower, my hair is unkempt......
2007-11-16 16:06:05 · update #2
.....also, I do have health complicatins that I don't want to have to explain.
2007-11-16 16:07:53 · update #3
This has happened to me once.
We moved north, and went back on business and visited my husband's cousin for maybe an hour. (We did call before we left.) We casually said, "Come and see us sometime."
The first time they came up, they did call first. They stayed three days, over a holiday. They were awful houseguests, their six kids broke things and were horrid.
Two months later, at 5:30AM, we hear, "Ding Dong!" There THEY were, this time their kids had brought friends, so there were 12 people!! Unannounced!!
I got my husband in the bedroom, told him I was going to tell them we were just going out of town ourselves, and to bring in the suitcases from the closet and act like they were really heavy.
I got our girls up, told them we were going out of town but someone dropped by, and I got them ready to go. In the meantime, my husband made them a cup of coffee, concocted a story about some out of town thing we had to attend, and was escorting them to the door.
We all walked out at the same time, we drove off first and headed to the beach, where we ate breakfast.
The cousin later called and said he had rolled his vehicle, had been drinking, and acted like it was all our fault.
We never heard from him again. Good riddance.
Give you any ideas??
You are under no obligation to house and entertain people that just show up at your door. I put my foot down, and so should you. It is a shame your mother took it for so long, but you do not have to follow in her footsteps.
This is YOUR home, you make the rules.
Do NOT feel bad! People like that are an imposition, and will continue to impose until you call a halt.
I would call them and tell them you do not like "drop in" visitors or house guests. Tell them you will let them know if it is convenient.
2007-11-16 17:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by Cat Lady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call them and tell them that while you enjoy visiting with them, you are often busy on the weekend, so if they were to call ahead you would be able to make plans to see them, but couldn't guarantee you'd be available if they just popped in. The next time they do pop in unanounced, answer the door and say "oh, I didn't know you were coming, and I'm so busy today. I'm sorry I don't have time for a visit, next time please call so we can make plans to catch up!" Then just shut the door. Next time they'll call, or they'll just stay away. Either way, you'll be rid of their rudeness and intrusions.
2007-11-17 16:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by missbeans 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They were rude. Not you. Tell them to call before they come to visit. Tell them that you often do not feel well. If they come again and you don't want to answer the door then don't. Its your house and your life. If they ask why you did not answer the door tell them that you were probably sleeping, out in the back yard, shopping with a friend, in the shower, making love....whatever. They are just using you as a pit stop. Screw em
2007-11-16 16:21:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
A phone call to the relatives who most recently came by with an explanation for why you did not make it to the door might be an eye-opener that they are inconveniencing you since the reality of their rudeness does not seem to faze them. Perhaps you can explain directly that you would like to visit with them, but that they will need to call since you may not be well enough to receive visitors.
2007-11-16 15:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by detailgirl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell them in a letter or email that you would really appreciate that they inform you about their visit. If they continue not to inform you, the next time they visit, give them a cold shoulder ie say hi and continue doing whatever you are doing leaving them hanging around not being invited in or being spoken to. .
2007-11-17 03:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since you know they will show up like this--CALL THEM soon as possible and ask them what dates they are planning to come; and let them know that you are sick, and that they will have to call you first. Let them know that they have to call you--and give them your cell number...If they dont call, dont answer the door. That is the ONLY way they will learn.
Its very rude to show up un-announced; but trust me that they have NO IDEA it bothers you. They think they are doing you the biggest favor in the world by just showing up and sharing their company..Just be very clear; and ask them when they plan on coming, that way you'll know exactly when.
2007-11-16 16:04:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is common courtesy to call first. If you dont answer they can just take the hint and do so next time. You are not obliged to let them in unannounced.
2007-11-16 15:46:38 · answer #7 · answered by Aloha_Ann 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well,you say they are just passing through to visit other relatives.l cannot really see anything wrong with the visit.Like you say they only stayed for 20 minutes last time.lt is not as though they are wanting to stay overnight or a few days.Are they hillbillies or something?Obviously your mother did not like these relatives but to call in and visit you,they seem ok to me.
2007-11-16 15:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by Ruby Jane 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋
It's not a difficult job.just call and ask them politely to let you know when they are comming.If they didn't, don't open the door.so easy:)
good luck
2007-11-16 22:06:51 · answer #9 · answered by beautiful moon 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i visit them an announce 2 times a week just for lunch or dinner
2007-11-16 15:53:18 · answer #10 · answered by alfie thai 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋