I'm 23 & when I moved in with my bf I found out some stuff about him that was... interesting?. I found out he was looking at porn (vids&photos) everyday on mulitple websites. I confronted him about it and he said that he didn't have a problem but he would tone it down a bit for me. I understand he's a guy and is going to do guy things, but I thought every single day was a bit much! It stopped for a bit, then started back up & i just let it go.
Recently, I started a new job and it's been very demanding. I told him last month that I really didn't want to have sex all that much - I'm not on the pill, and I really am not ready to get pregnant right now. We still are intimate in other ways. Well, he is still looking at porn everyday, but i also found websites for strip clubs in our city. He admitted to going to a strip club by himself while i was sleeping- and was planning on doing it again. This isn't the first time he's gone to a strip club by himself. I'm kinda freaked out!
2007-11-16 14:35:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is possible he is addicted but it could also be that, since you are not fulfilling his need for sex, he is looking elsewhere for release.
"Other ways" is not a substitute for sex.
Don't get me wrong, if you are not comfortable with his habits then that is your perrogative but you must also set realistic expectations. If he has a high sex drive, how do you suggest he satisfy that?
In the end, you are both wrong and you are both right!
As for leaving him, only you can decide that.
2007-11-16 14:42:46 · answer #1 · answered by Matt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious that at this current time you are not able to meet his sexual needs. Psychology teaches you that behavior is an expression of need.
When you met him he was looking at it and when you found out he toned it down assuming you would be able to physically make up for his imagination. Then you turned him down by stating that you dont want it as much as he does. So now he's trying to suffice. He still needs to satify it though so he's gonna go a little further which is see his imaginary thoughts. If your desire to do it more doesn't change, he's gonna be out having sex with other women, then it wont matter if you want to do it or now, which will eventually end in a break up because you cant satisfy him. Either you have to change or leave him before he hurts by revealing his actions. Sneaking off somewhere while you were sleep, then telling you what he did, then telling he's gonna do it again soon? Thats your answer right there.
2007-11-16 23:04:40 · answer #2 · answered by Chocolate_Tai_69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most guys like porn. It's harmless. Strip clubs aren't that big a deal either. Go to one with your guy, you'll see what I mean. Get on some birth control if you're in a long-term relationship and sexually active.
2007-11-16 22:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by adrianne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really a personal question that no one, save for yourself, can answer. I think it really depends on what how you feel about/view pornography. Do you find it offensive? Degrading? A form of cheating? A natural fix for short-term sexual tension? Personally, (though it is somewhat irrelevant) I would be very bothered if my boyfriend was lusting over other women, be it through live entertainment, film, or paper. I would feel as though I was just one of his multiple forms of "release," whose love was not adequate. If it is something that you find truly bothersome or somewhat hurtful, your significant other should be able to respect this by not engaging in any form of activity that causes you to feel discomfort, insecure, degraded, or unloved-- just as you should be honoring and respecting his feelings. If you've asked for this and he is continuing in his obsessive ways, it sounds as though there is a problem that runs deeper than just pornography, and that is the meaning of your importance and worth in this relationship. A significant other who cannot put you and your feelings as priority in a relationship is not healthy and not worth maintaining.
Just because you are not giving him said "release," is not grounds for the allowance to seek it elsewhere. Any mature man/woman who has committed to a monogamous relationship should know better. Our society is notorious for bombarding us with the idea that we should be able to follow our every whim, our every natural desire. There are lots of ads, articles and programs out there that give the impression that there is no longer any need for self restraint or discipline. What a lot of people don't realize is that when you commit to something (like a relationship) it is all about self-control and respect for that other half. Lack of sex in a monogamous, loving relationship is no warrant for his behavior if it is hurtful to you. If sex must be his priority, you would both be better off splitting ways. As long as sex is a needed aspect for love and committal, love between two people will always be conditional. There is nothing wrong with that, if it is in both your interests, but just know that unconditional love between two people is the stuff that forms unbreakable marriages between soulmates.
And as a side-note, his behavior, despite what your opinion on porn might be, sounds very excessive. He might do well with some type of therapy, as it sounds as though it could be getting in the way of the rest of his day to day activities.
2007-11-16 23:47:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah guys do that stuff but it does sound a bit excessive. And if he's not getting enough sex from you....
If you are asking us if you should leave him the answer is yes. Not cause of the porn, but because you are asking. you probably have your mind made up already and are kind of asking for permission to go.
2007-11-16 22:40:23 · answer #5 · answered by greenfrogs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you progressed the relationship too fast and you both might not be ready for this. He sounds like he is a little perverted and you sound like you are on the opposite end of the spectrum. You are 23 there is plenty of more relationships out there for you to try.
2007-11-16 22:40:19 · answer #6 · answered by Rational Humanist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Porn is fine in moderation, but he seems obsessed. Tell him how you feel, and be prepared to abandon the relationship if he can't get his pecker under control and start thinking with his big brain.
2007-11-16 22:39:59 · answer #7 · answered by My Evil Twin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
confront him again if you talk it out and explain your dislike of this behaviour ,explain the situation with work again explaining that it is for both of your benefits, if he doesn't see that you are giving for your relationship and he doesn't want to give ....well maybe you need to move on . if he won't consider your wants and desires and you his ,how could you ever make a life together and have it work if one party isn't willing to work to solve and find middle ground for any issues raised
2007-11-16 22:45:46 · answer #8 · answered by justanother1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would ditch him because he is looking at other women than you and thats almost like cheating on you. thats not real love. if he totally loved you then he would quit looking at porn and going to strip clubs!
2007-11-16 22:42:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he`s using porn as an outlet of sexual needs try spicing up the love life with new and different things
2007-11-16 22:42:36 · answer #10 · answered by wood18us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋