Complicated relationship - Is it worth sticking around?

Question

Almost a year ago I began seriously talking with someone I had known for a few years but we had really never talked. We started out just talking as friends and over time we spent a lot of our time together. She was involved with someone and had been for a few years so I had no thoughts that anything would happen and I didn't want to let anything happen. Ever since we started talking we spent an awful lot of time together. Hours, days, weeks, months. I recently moved into a new apartment a few months ago and she is over on average five or six nights a week. She spends the night, we cuddle and kiss and fool around just a bit. She is still involved with her long time boyfriend but I've grown too close to just break it off. She's told me on several occassions she has deep feelings for me and I've returned the thought. She has even mentioned that all her other relationships suffer to sacrifice for ours.

I'm at a loss... What do I do? I don't want to give up such a great friendship.

Answer 1

If you don't want to give up the friendship, you'd better stop pseudo-sleeping with her. She's obviously not willing to break up her relationship for you. If lover boy finds out, you'll not only lose a great friendship, you'll probably lose a few teeth.

Answer 2

It's good news and bad news (you said it yourself - it's complicated), it's great that you have an amazing friendship with this woman.

Lots of people only realize too late that the best love relationships start as amazing friendships, and that's what carrys the relationship into "forever". The bad news is, there is always a risk of some type of incompatibility (like you find out she has a real annoying habit, or maybe she's really bad in bed, etc) that you soon learn you cannot live with. This may cause a breakup, and because you felt so strongly for her in the beginning, trying to continue a friendship is very painful and difficult.

From your question and my perspective, it seems she has a hard time being honest with you and herself, as she is willing to cheat on her boyfriend while she strings you along....could you simply be just someone safe that she can "play" with so she can get a taste of being with someone else, and therefore, keeping excitement in her life (it means she's selfish). It's obvious to me that she certainly does not care for her boyfriend, and I'm not sure how much she really "loves" you. If YOU were her boyfriend, and she started hanging out with another guy "friend", what would you think now? Good Luck buddy, I've been there, done that---hated it!

Answer 3

Well, you two could never really have a relationship or friendship if boundaries are not set. You guys or more than just friends now b/c thoughts have been shared, however, she is still involved in with her long time bf. If she breaks up w/ her bf to be w/ you that's not good b/c she might break up w/ u to be w/ someone else. On the other hand, if she stays w/ her bf, you guys can't hang out like before b/c she is cheating on her bf and you two will become frustrated about it. So, my advice is to have clear boundaries and stick to them. Do you guys want to be just friends or something more than that? Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, this may sound a little crude, cuz I feel for you, man, but why would you want seconds? The ex-wife and I did this game, while she was getting with the guy (she eventually married). i was so insecure (and still in love with her) that I would still sleep with her and play family through 3 girlfriends thereafter. She can't break it clean and be with you, she's either playing the field (power trip), or she doesn't want you. Neither is good for you!

Answer 5

Sounds like this is just a friends with benefits deal to me. If you want more then you need to tell her exactly how you feel. It is all in what you are willing to settle for. Spending this much time with you, I question when she has time for the boyfriend. Be willing to let her go if you make a demand she is unwilling to go for.

Answer 6

For starters, if she is still involved with her boyfiend, neither one of you have enough respect for him, or yourselves to realize that this is wrong. I am sure that you have feelings for her, but why be the rebound for her? You need to be the better of both of you and tell her how you feel and that she needs to decided what she wants. Either she stops dating her boyfriend and you and her start a relationship, or you and her stop messing around and remain friends.

Answer 7

well i like the answer u gave my "?" and so i will pick u for best answer and i think u should not stick around and move on cause u seem like a fun free sparited person that doesn't need to be held back by anything long distance. i appercaite people like u on the website thank u and im feeling better ♥

Answer 8

You are currently sharing her with another man.....
The question to ask yourself is this........
Are u willing to continue sharing her? Because unless u tell her to break it off and be with u.....she has her cake and is eating it too.
She will use u and him to fulfill whatever voids each of you are incapable of giving her. Both of u make her a whole relationship at this time. Why would she stop? U havent told her to.
U need to make the choice.......share her? risk losing her?

Answer 9

she really has to make the decision ---- break up with her boyfriend or stop cheating with you (sorry thats what it really is) --- and she also has to be honest with you should a similar situation arise ie if she finds someone else ---- sit down together and decide what you both want from this relationship ---- best wishes

Answer 10

if she is in a relationship, don't let her play you like that, I garantee if you just let her go, she will come crying back to you. Don't let someone take advantage of your feelings like that while seeing someone else. She is cheating on her bf so you will probably get played if you guys got together anyways...