He's been married before and being difficult?

Question

My fiance has been married before, so this would be his second marriage and my first. I feel like every step of the way I've had to drag him along..whether it's to pick a reception place or to pick anything! I've asked him if he was this difficult his first engagement and he's said no. That really makes me sad. Is he acting this way just because he's a "guy" and doesn't really want to be involved in the planning....or is there some underlying reason that i'm not seeing?

Answer 1

Sometimes people who've been through the big wedding planning aren't as excited about that part second time around.

On the positive side, maybe this quote is descriptive of him:

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.
~Author Unknown

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Answer 2

I don't buy the gender stereotyping here... "he's just being a man...' Maybe that's true for some people, but definitely not all. My guy has been very involved in everything, and we have shared all the planning duties evenly - and yes, I *really* appreciate him for this! Just let your guy know how you feel. Instead of saying "why don't you..." or " you should...", just tell him "I feel like ..." or "I would be really appreciative if you could help me ....".

It's totally unfair for you to plan the whole thing by yourself, especially if he was helpful the first time around. Communicate with him - it's key to a successful marriage. Also remember that the wedding is one day; the marriage is for life.

Answer 3

I never bought the "he's a guy" excuse. I always thought that was lame. My husband was very involved in our planning because he cared enough about me to relieve me of the stress of planning it myself. Any guy who will sit there and watch their future wife lose their mind with planning a wedding for the BOTH of them is a loser. But I digress...

The guys I know who were married before are a lot more into planning their second wedding because 1. it's a fresh start into a committed relationship and 2. they want the second wedding to be better than the first, so it's their chance to do it right.

So I ask you: did you ask him if he even wants a big wedding? Maybe he really wants something small and intimate, like a destination wedding. I know this is your first time getting married, but marriage is about compromise and you might have to change your wedding plans so you both feel comfortable about it.

Answer 4

Like you said. It's his second wedding. He's been there, done that....and ultimately realized that it doesn't make a damn bit of difference how good the marriage will be.

You two obviously have very, very different ideas on what you want the wedding to be like. You seem to be leaning towards the big white princess wedding and he wants something very simple and understated. Before you look to book anything else you need to sit down and get on the same page. That means compromise so don't come to the table thinking "I'll have X, X, and X or else because his first wife had it!"

Answer 5

Did you ask him? Maybe he just isn't that interested because his first wedding was hard to plan and it didn't even work out. My fiance was married before and he wants to help plan the date and place but that's about it, he says that it's totally my day and I can do whatever I want. I don't take it to mean he doesn't care it's just 1. he's a guy, and 2. he's been through wedding planning hell before and 3. he trusts me to do what I think we will both enjoy. You should just ask him.

Answer 6

some men are just like that. i mean, NO GUY actually enjoys talking about cakes, flowers, decorating, etc. but when you love someone, you do things that you sometimes don't want to do because IT'S IMPORTANT TO THEM. it's called putting someone else's needs ahead of your own and it's a very important factor in a marriage. if he can't do that for the wedding planning which is obviously so important and special to you, then i would be worried he's not capable of doing that in the marriage. you need to think about it.....has he shown a pattern of putting your needs ahead of his own or does he usually put himself first? be sure you've chosen the right man or you'll just end up another divorce statistic.

Answer 7

I honestly think it's a guy thing. My now husband didn't do anything for the wedding except pick the date and pick our wedding song (because I made him). Doing the planning usually isn't a guy thing and it makes them feel like you are rambeling asking them soooo many questions. I would assume that he trusts your opinion so if I were you; I'd make all the decisions and tell him what you are doing instead of asking. That's what I did; when I was making decisions I told him and also stated that if he didn't agree he better speak up before it became final. It worked out for me. But yeah... it's a guy thing.

Answer 8

He just knows that since it's his second wedding, things should be kept on the downlow, simple ceremony and just a small gathering of family and friends for a reception. Maybe at someone's home.

Answer 9

The way people behave during wedding planning gives good insight into the way they handle stress. You will be stressed throughout your marriage and his first inclination may be to hide out and freeze up. When you talk to him about it, make observations about the behaviors rather than making it personal (i.e. HE's being difficult.)

Answer 10

This is a man, he is not interested in color schemes, decorations,flowers or reception sites. He wants to marry you, he is just not interested in the details. He probably feels that whatever you like will be fine. Don't take it personal. As you make decisions about different aspects of the ceremony let him in on what your doing. Then just tell him the date, time and location and oh make sure he gets the kind of tux you want.