Is it wrong to wait 'till I'm married to have sex?

Question

First off, I'm 13, have a 4.0, play in basketball(two teams, all-star and school), fastpitch and slowpitch softball, track,cross-country,band,quizball,and have to admit I'm attrative, but not vain. I go to a school where a lot of girls my age are already having sex with their 16 year old boyfriends. I have a boyfriend who recently turned 15, and has asked me several times to have sex. I've already made a promise to God that I'm waiting and have told him(my boyfriend) that. He is a great person, but seems...perverted at some times. I'm not a Holy-roller,I know that, but I made an promise. I have been pondering this issue for months now, and am trying to decide. Thanks for the time.
-Siara Nicole

Answer 1

keep your promise, especially since you're only 13. i know that right now it might seem like a big deal that this 15 year old kid wants your virginity, but it's really not worth it, and i can guarantee that you will regret it. if he keeps pushing you and asking when he knows how you feel you should move on from the relationship. from what you have said about yourself, it shouldn't be hard to find someone that will respect you

Answer 2

>Is it wrong to wait 'till I'm married to have sex?

No. In the end it is entirely your choice. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with either waiting or not waiting. Just do whatever you prefer.

>First off, I'm 13

You're too young. Wait about four or five years. Trust me, you don't want to throw away your childhood so quickly, it's going to seem awfully precious to you once it's over. There's no requirement to wait for marriage, but I would DEFINITELY advise you to wait until maturity.

>I've already made a promise to God that I'm waiting

Then it might be a good idea to understand the nature of agreements. Mutual agreements are an important part of morality. A promise is ONLY morally binding if BOTH of the following conditions are satisfied:
1. The agreement involves something going both ways, i.e., the other person has agreed to do something which they would not have agreed to do if you had not made the promise.
2. The agreement was NOT made with either person involved under any kind of threat to do something immoral if they refused.
So let's take a look at this. No one was threatening to do anything immoral if you didn't make the promise, so condition 2 is satisfied. However, God did NOT tell you that he would do something he wouldn't otherwise do because of the promise. In other words, the promise is one-sided; you're the only one whom you know cares about whether it is kept. So the first condition is NOT satisfied, which means the promise is not morally binding.

There's something else, though. In the Ten Commandments, it specifically says 'thou shalt not lie'. This appears to forbid any breaking of promises, because if you broke the promise, the promise itself would have been a lie, which is something the Bible says you're not supposed to do. And although it is true that the biblical ethics are in no way necessarily the same as actual morality, it is also true that you'd be making a promise with a being who has already effectively given a statement that they do care about whether or not you break it and thus the first condition above IS satisfied and the promise is binding.

But you know what? You still don't morally have to wait until marriage. Why? Because God doesn't exist. An agreement has to be between two sentient entities, so technically you never really made a promise at all. What made is actually called a 'vow', which can sort of be considered a promise to yourself, but of course a vow cannot be morally binding because you can't harm anyone else by breaking it so long as breaking it doesn't actually involve harming someone else (which in this case it doesn't).

So, the final result is, you're quite free to forget about your vow if you like, but I still advise you to wait several years anyway, regardless of marriage.

Answer 3

I personally think it's potentially disastrous to wait until one's wedding day, but it is equally disastrous to be irresponsible about sexual activity beforehand. Who wants the surprise of a woman who is only comfortable in one position or a man who can't last more than a minute and a half? While some would assert these things can be worked out over time, I would assert there are no guarantees, and that there is no working out a man who is not (or too) well endowed or a woman who forgot to mention she has herpes or stuffs her bra. It is important to wait until there is a strong emotional connection between the two - and it would further help to wait until the parents/family have been met, the two have nursed each other through an illness, friends are on board with the relationship, and things of that nature. But to wait until the day it's forever? I don't recommend it.

Answer 4

I'm sure that it happens a lot, but 13 is a bit young. Boys his age are in the "always on" position when it comes to sex, they'd accept it from any place they can get it. If you've made a choice that you're going to wait, then you just have to decide if you think it's worth it. You're probably going to lose some boyfriends who, if they discover you mean it, will look for girlfriends who don't have such high requirements.

Some women complain that they had sex too early and wish they had waited. But I do want you to think about something else. If you want to make a promise for yourself, that's fine, and I suppose because your parents told you since you were a little kid that there is a God who you have to make promises to. I've never met anyone yet that could define exactly what they meant by "God" because they all believe in something of which they have no evidence.

Consider the following: Don't you think that if there was someone like that, he'd be far too busy to be concerned about one little 13-year-old girl to really care whether or not you were having sex? Despite the fact there is not one provision in the Bible saying it's wrong for ordinary unmarried men and women to have sex. The only things it talks about are adultery (married women cheating on their husbands) fornication (having paid sex with prostitutes, not, as some people have misread it, unmarried people having sex), and, depending on who reads it, men having the same type of sex with other men as they have with women.

If you want to decide to stay a virgin until marriage because you like the idea, fine. But don't do it just because you think it will please God. If he even exists - a question I remain neutral about - I think he'd be far too busy to worry about the sex lives of ordinary people.

Answer 5

You are doing the right thing. If you haven't finished school and don't have a job, then you can't support a child. And children are the result of having sex.

Nature designed sex to be fun so the species would proliferate. Since many teens want to have fun, they engage in sex. And then they end up pregnant because they haven't thought about the consequences of having sex. For a few fun moments, they have given up all of the fun they could have as a teenager and are left with the adult responsibilities that come with raising a child.

So, I want to support you as you are doing the right thing and these others are just taking huge risks in order to have a few minutes of fun.

My son was born after a condom failure, so remember that birth control is not foolproof. This is not the time to go back on your decision to have sex only after marriage. If you are going to alter your decision, do it when you have foolproof birth control and when you can afford to support a child. You should at the very least have graduated from high school.

Answer 6

You seem to be a very sweet girl who has her priorities straight. It's your boyfriend who's the wrong one in this situation. No, you shouldn't be having sex before marriage, especially if you made a promise to God that you wouldn't. Just because every other girl is having sex doesn't mean it's right. My advice to you is to break up with your guy. He doesn't care about what you think; he makes that pretty obvious when he still asks for sex even though you told him you weren't ready. He's not worth one more second of your time. Good luck. I hope this helps.

Answer 7

At least wait until your a bit older because you can never go back! If he even seems a little like a pervert he must not be mature enough to have sex in the first place. Good Luck! Keep what ya got for the right time and guy.

Answer 8

Don't have sex in your teenage years.
Wait! until you get married.
Focus on school more then boys.
If your boyfriend is being perverted
and not understanding you,
wanting to wait.
Then he's not the right guy for you.
Don't break that promise to god.
God is more powerful then any boy.
And if your boyfriend doesn't
respect your decision
then he doesn't respect your mind,
heart, and body.
Just wait on ''sex'' you're still young
and a real relationship of love is
not just based on ''sex.''
Put god first and you will have happiness
and a true love!

Answer 9

Wow you sound completely amazing for such a young person. Give yourself a pat on the back. I don't know you but am very proud of you. In regards to the question. No absolutely not. Hold your promise and stand up for what you believe in. Be the example these other young people need to learn a new way. Too many youngsters are having sex and it leads to many unwanted pregnancies, poverty, lack of education, etc. It sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you, and you will be a huge sucess. Hold on to your dreams girl and wait. You will have regrets later, if you renig on your promise or your beliefs. Don't give in. Stay strong and be proud of who you are. Young boys can be preverted at that age. They are finding things out about there own body and are probably recieving as much peer pressure as you have been experiencing. Continue talking to him and letting him know where you stand. If he continues to pressure you, you may need to let him go and move on, if he doesnt' respect your decision. Good luck to you and be that one in a million who hold tight to something they believe in

Answer 10

Your virginity is the most sacred thing you have and cannot just give it some guy because he is pressuring you... I was on the same boat when i was 17, I waited til marriage, I was 22 when I got married and gave him my virginity. And I don't regret it one bit!!

If this guy is pressuring you to do something you are not comfortable with then don't do this to your self. I'm not a religious person, but making a promise like that is important, it shows people that you have self control and willpower. My opinion is... I wouldn't do it.. Focus on everything you have going on, your GPA is great, your activities are also great! don't let anyone ruin that for you.