my daughter in law and i don't see eye to eye on alot of stuff i have one grandaughter from my oldest son im use to getting some sort of resept from my family but she hit the hurt spot this time she has stepped over the line i choose to give her money for her birthday to buy what she wants but her mom is telling her what to spend it on and telling me my grandaughter wants to go shopping with her friends not her or or grandma now i realize she is thirteen now and she loves to do things with her friends which is totaly fine with me but her mother said she doesn't want ot shop with me mind you we just did some a week ago i promised her the rest of the money but i wanted to be part of that now if im wrong shame on me but i feel if im giveing her the money for her gift i should be able to be part of her picking out what she wants last year i gave her 100 dollars which she didn;t get until her father got his vacation momey in the summer that will not happen again i hope im makeing since i
2007-11-16 06:23:40 · 10 answers · asked by janet m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i the point i was trying to make is that her mom said that not my grandaughter all i want is for my grandaughter to be happy and no matter what i choose i do it wrong so i guess i just give up
2007-11-16 07:02:43 · update #1
a gift is a gift, what they do with is is not your say
next time don't give her the money , tell her when she is available, you would like to take her shopping for her present
2007-11-16 06:29:40 · answer #1 · answered by ann s 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you just need to be specific about what you want to give your granddaughter for her birthday. You wanted to give her a shopping trip with you! Then you can take her out shopping and spend how ever much you like on getting her what she wants. This year you did not specify that shopping with you was part of the gift. Most thirteen year old girls that are given $100 spending money would prefer going shopping with their friends.
I can understand that you feel hurt by her and it seems that her mother is disrespecting you. In time these feelings will pass and you will be able to see the situation differently. Next time you are in a possition to give your granddaughter a gift you will be able to present it in a way that expresses your intention more clearly to all involved. Perhaps you could invite your granddaughter to put on a fashion show for you to see all that she purchased with her birthday money! That will give you some time with her.
2007-11-16 06:53:17 · answer #2 · answered by Terry2fish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! That's too bad u two don't see eye to eye,. I hope for the sake of the kind u two r able to be respectful towards each other. As far as the shopping thing go's I think she's old enough to make her own decision on who she wants to shop with and where she wants to shop. I'd attempt to talk to her mother and express to her that u'd like to take her daughter out
shopping at a place of her choice so she can pick out what she wants. That way u kill two birds with one stone, u get to accompany ur Granddaughter out shopping and theirs no riff
between u and her mother. One other thing is she wouldn't have to wait until her father's vacation to get what she wanted.
2007-11-16 06:38:01 · answer #3 · answered by pokvet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you gave her money to do what she wants then you have to respect her wishes. If you wanted to a part of the decision then you should have brought her a gift. At that age I would want to go to the mall with my friends and spend my money.
i think you concern is that her parents will sped her money since it seems like her father did that last year.
Here's the solutation you drop her off at the mall and give her the money. You can do your shopping she can do her shopping, when you are done you can take her home.
2007-11-16 06:30:36 · answer #4 · answered by nyjae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK you need to step back a little. AND think a little bit as well.
Your granddaughter is your son and DIL's responsibility - not yours. Her parenting style happens to clash with yours as well.
Too bad. Get over it.
As to gifts and how they are dealt with - once you give a gift, you relinquish all control. Period. Otherwise it's not a gift.
Too bad. Get over it.
This year - tell granddaughter that you and she will go shopping for her birthday present - not just give her $$ and expect to have control over it. During the shopping trip, tell granddaughter that you budgeted $100 for her gift.
That way the only way granddaughter gets the gift is to spend time with you.
that sounds like a bribe - but you'll get what YOU want. So who cares.
2007-11-16 06:48:09 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you just get her a gift card to Abercrombie, Hollister, Target, or American Eagle. That way she can go and buy what she wants and the parents are stealing the money.
2007-11-16 06:29:42 · answer #6 · answered by Mandrew 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do you put conditions on the gifts you give?
It's like holding carrots in front of a mule to have it do what you want it to.
Either you give the gifts freely, or don't give them at all.
2007-11-16 07:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but that's selfish on your part. You gave her a gift, it's up to her to do what she wants with it. If she doesn't want to go with you, deal with it. I'm sure she was happy that you gave her the money and realizes what a great grandma she has, but she doesn't owe you anything but a thank you! Which I'm sure she gave to you, so just leave it alone. If you try to push yourself into her life or anyone's life when they don't want you, you'll only make them resent you. And you don't want that. Let her be 13 and shop with her friends.
2007-11-16 06:29:56 · answer #8 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Take her(the granddaughter) shopping with you. Treat her out for ice cream or something as well on your shopping trip. Something doesn't smell right here.
2007-11-16 06:36:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then what you should of done was take her shopping herself and footed the bill. Stop making an issue of this.
2007-11-16 06:27:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋