I wrote this for my Teachers best friend andf for my Grandpa! Pleraes Review this!?

Question

The Time We Spent
By JAC

I wish that you were here,
I miss the laughs we had,
When you’re gone I feel some tears,
When you’re gone I feel real sad,

Then all of a sudden you are gone fast,
The things I feel just don’t seem right,
I know that this life never lasts,
But I didn’t think you would leave tonight,

I miss you but I know that God is here,
I love you so but I will try not to fear,
Cause God, he won’t give me more then I can bare,
And cause he’s good and very fair,

Then all of a sudden you are gone fast,
The things I feel just don’t seem right,
I know that this life never lasts,
But I didn’t think you would leave tonight,

But I won’t miss you for long,
I will fly to the sky,
Then I will see where you belong,
But until that night, I will wait until the time is right,

But don’t worry I will never forget the times that we’ve spent,
I feel much pain and sometimes alone but that wasn’t your intent,

Then all of a sudden you are gone fast,
The things I feel just don’t seem right,
I know that this life never lasts,
But I didn’t think you would leave tonight,

Then all of a sudden you are gone fast,
The things I feel just don’t seem right,
I know that this life never lasts,
But I didn’t think you would leave tonight,

But in the end,
I thank God for the time we did spend.

Answer 1

Very good, and very touching! :)

Answer 2

Not everyone can write verse well, but you say what you feel and it comes from the heart. That is what poetry is. You could let it sit for a day or two and polish it up.

Like:

Suddenly you were gone, so fast.
That things I feel now don't seem right.
I know that this life doesn't last
But I didn't think you'd leave tonight.

Sometimes that way you get a little better perspective. You did a nice job.

Answer 3

Try saying what you actually feel in a way that expresses your feeling rather than trying to force sentiments into a "Hallmark card" type of rhyme scheme. ABAB can be fun for a minute, but it's really pretty damn confining with this type of stuff. You ain't exactly Byron, you know...

PS: 3rd stanza slips into AABB...

Answer 4

It touched me especially since you loved your grandpa so much.

I don't want to say I envy you just that I often wonder how it feels to have a grandparent to love and be good to. I never had a grandpa - just one grandmother - by the time I was born.

Thanks for sharing!

Answer 5

i have just read it through is it words to a song or a poem maybe either way it does not matter it is lovely written from the heart with a lot of sincere feeling may GOD BLESS you

Answer 6

That is neat, I really liked it. God bless

Answer 7

Very Good, I like it!