The voices shout to me,
All I can do is flee,
I can see the shadow after me,
The light I cry to and I plea,
My heart pumps,
My head sweats,
As I lose my only escape I fret, <<
Cause I know it's not the same,
I hear it behind me at the door,
I fall back, hit the floor,
My fears gather even more,
Then I feel a powerful force,
Chorus
I hear a creak,
I feel defeat,
Then I feel my tounge lose its speech,
Oh it's courage I can't meet,
Chorus
Musical Solo
Chorus
The darkness comes through the door,
My face shown fear and more,
Then you were there for me,
In the end you were without defeat,
I knew you'd be there,
Because you were there before!
2007-11-16 04:58:14 · 11 answers · asked by AtcyJAC 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Will You?
Inspired by Jesus Christ!
What will you do when you hear me call?
What will you do when I fall?
Would you come for me or will you stall?
No! I know that you’ll be there for me when I fall and call.
But a better question is will I?
Will I give you praise when its needed?
Would I be there for you if you were defeated?
This isn’t possible but even though I probably would be fleeing.
But you never would forsake me.
For example you set me free!
To me that’s the key to victory!
Now the question changes from will you to will I!
Will I lay defeated?
Will I act Conceited?
Will I be kind?
Will I look with nothing to find?
Will I forsake you or will I praise you?
Will I boast of myself or of you?
Will I be wise or will I be a fool?
There are too many Will I s I could list but you will always be here for me!
For example is that you set me free!
2007-11-16 04:58:35 · update #1
Middle of nowhere without a map!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Jon and Carly
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
these two I didnt have enough room for on this question! Ty for reading all of these and God bless!
2007-11-16 04:58:53 · update #2
This is just my beggining work. I am goiing to add another poem right nowBut i am also just a novice Im not saying I am purely an expert.
2007-11-16 05:05:49 · update #3
This is bad. Real bad.
Sorry but that's how I see it.
2007-11-16 05:03:08 · answer #1 · answered by Dirty Dave 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
the "rhyme" messes with your "flow", it interferes with what you actually desire to say...try this...an "every other line, or a beginning line and last line rhyme..." this way, you will be able to free up yourself to take a breath and relax, and tell the story, without the pain-staking effort of trying to make things so "tight" with the rhyming, because..sooner or lster..you are going to "run out" of words, and they will "bump" into another song, and start sounding the same, and you will get discouraged with this..your imagination has to be "free" the "literary" part is good, some re-arrangment would be nice...but you try this...(Band Leader) "Peace!" :)
2007-11-16 14:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. "Diamond" 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are WAY too concerned with basic rhyme scheme. Be artistic rather than forced.
2007-11-16 13:02:06 · answer #3 · answered by Blackacre 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sounds good to me, but I know nothing about lyrics.
2007-11-16 13:09:19 · answer #4 · answered by star 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
sorry kid. you don't have what it takes.
compare what you've written with something by t.s. eliot.
it's fingerpainting compared to the work of a master.
maybe you should take up sports.
2007-11-16 13:03:01 · answer #5 · answered by eelai000 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think youre on the right path,keep it up!!
2007-11-16 13:05:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
aaaaaaaawwwwwwwww, you're so cute
*squeezing your cheeks*
very nice =)
2007-11-16 13:01:36 · answer #7 · answered by Hope 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's pretty intense. Too dark for my experience of Christ.
2007-11-16 13:02:15 · answer #8 · answered by Gal from Yellow Flat 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
sure keep it up
2007-11-16 13:01:37 · answer #9 · answered by teddibear 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
that's awesome dude!
2007-11-16 13:03:46 · answer #10 · answered by Tx Guy 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋