Unsure about religious beliefs?

Question

If I was in a situation for the past year where I didn't really believe the same hogwash that was fed to me as a child, but my family (including my husband does) should I express this to them. I feel like some of the things that they believe (and I used to) are completely idiotic and childish and full of fiction and fantasy. My inlaws are completely judgemental (they call it devout). Do I just keep it to myself? I feel an obligation to allow my child to come to her own decisions and I will not allow anyone to tell her that their way is the only right way.

The person who said I was being judgemental: surprisingly I agree with you. But, I think that the BELIEFS are foolish, I don't think this defines the person. They think that my beliefs DEFINE who I am and whether or not I am going to hell (no matter if I am a good person or not)

Which makes me scared to out myself to them.

PS- my husband is not the type to push his beliefs on our child. I know he would be open to allowing her to come to her own conclusions. I am holding back from telling him, because it would really worry him and I think it may even hurt him.

Answer 1

Express your opinions! They are, so why can't you?! Just try to not use judgement, and avoid the word "idiotic" lol. Hopefully they are intelligent people who are open to debate without getting angry. Do not change yourself for anyone. Let your kids know that nothing is definite about religion, and it all relies on faith. Let them make their own decisions, and save them from being brainwashed. I am a believer, but I believe because of MY beliefs, not because of what was put into my head as a child. Give your child a chance to be their own person.

Answer 2

Yes you should talk about your beliefs but do it with compassion. Everyone has a right to their own beliefs. If you say to them "I feel like some of the things that they believe (and I used to) are completely idiotic and childish and full of fiction and fantasy" you will come across as being just as judgmental as they seem. You have a better chance of helping them see your view if you live your life according to your beliefs and teach them by example.

I totally agree with allowing a child to come to their own conclusions about religious and spiritual beliefs. In order for children to make an informed decision, they need to be exposed to many different belief systems. It sounds like you're on the right path.

Try to understand that your family is living what they were taught. They were taught to believe without question. They were taught to believe their way is the only way and they don't understand how their way can be alienating to some people. You question and you have found some of this stuff doesn't work for you. They don't feel comfortable questioning. If you approach the subject with gentleness and understanding for their position rather than from an argumentative standpoint, you have a better chance of getting through to them.

Answer 3

I'm in the same situation right now. But I've already decided that if someone asks, I'll tell them what I do believe and that I am following more of a Pagan past than what I was taught my whole life as a Baptist.
I have a 4 year old son and I'm going to let him decide his religious path in life, or none if he chooses to do so. I try to tell my son about different religions from around the world. Since he's 4 he doesn't really understand, but he can tell me the key points about most faiths.
She is YOUR daughter and if your family is trying to instill something in her, then tell them that she's your daughter and you want her to choose her own path and that they have no right to tell her what to do, and you what to do with your own child!
My parents say that everything in the Bible is the truth and if you go against it, you'll go to Hell. My mom has my little boy saying a prayer at night when he stays with her. That's fine as long as she respects my decisions of faith.
Don't make it an issue though. If it's brought up, tell them what you do believe and let them know how you're going to raise YOUR daughter.
If you make it a point to discuss it out of the blue, it will probably fuel the fire.

Answer 4

Religion is not supposed to be forced on people, and a true christian would know that only God can judge. If you talked to a priest or pastor he would tell you the same thing. You can lightly tell a person that you dont believe in the same things they do but I would not start a big fight about it. Everyone is allowed to their own religious beliefs, its why our country was founded, so if your inlaws or anyone else has something to say about you, you can tell them that. As far as letting your child come to her own decisions about religion that is a good idea, some kids grow up and completely turn away from religion because it was forced down their throat so much as a child. Seriously, ask people that graduated from Catholic school how many people from their class are now atheist.

Answer 5

I'd advise you to definately talk to your husband about this - if you value your marriage at all (this is one of the leading contributing factors to the failing of relationships).
You also need to realize that your husband is a major influence on your child - and should be, since he is her father after all. Unless the two of you are willing to discuss this and try to find a solution that satifies you both, there's nothing but trouble and heartache ahead, and the child is going to be one of the biggest victims.
As far as questioning your beliefs - that a good thing. Truth should have nothing to fear from close examination. As a Christian, one of the things that grieves me the most is that far too few of us know "why" we believe what we believe - so ask away!

Answer 6

Difficult situation. At some point you are going to have to stand up for what you believe and stand up for how you want your child to be treated. So eventually, yes. But you know that your entire family is going to have problems with your view point.
I say start out small by talking with your husband.

In my opinion, there are lots of things that spouses and families don't agree upon. If you respect the other person's feelings and beliefs, it can work out. However, Christians in particular, seem to get very defensive and seem to have some need to make people see things their way.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

Your belief and thought about religion is like mine.I am very open minded and can't accept anything until I am convinced of something logically or scientifically.
This is one way to look at it.
I have also another view regarding God and religion.I don't think what is taught at home during childhood days to most kids , is acceptable.Let the child grow up in his normal way.Let him not be influenced by the dogmatic religious practice of any kind.
Never stop a child from listening to what others say about it or what others do in practising religion.
I don't think anyone will be judged ever on the basis of number of times a person reads religious books or number times a person prays during a week by going to Church or any other place of worship.
As a child , one is not supposed to understand what is right or what is wrong.Is there any wrong if the child simply follows the practice of the elders of the family.
I think , in the process, the child develops some moral values , which is good for him.
When he will grow up, let him decide for himself what he has to do.
Please don't relate to others the feelings you have about religion.It creates bitternes and confusion for nothing.Your inner mind knows what you think about this..
I have strong faith in God......after I had a Vision , which I don't want to tell others.I believe in God.
But, I don't practice religion in the traditional manner.
I simply believe that He will judge each one of us on the basis of our deeds....how we treat others/deal with others/deal with society.
God is least concerned with how any times one prays or one goes to Church.

Please don't disturb family peace and never try to impose your thought on the child.Allow him to grow in natural/usual way......as you had grown up.Let him decide about this matter by himself as he becomes an adult.
Okay?
Best of Luck

P.S. If you like, you send email to me [e-mail]

Answer 8

When it comes to religion everyone has a different interpretation of the written word. It is far more than my opinion that they are all wrong but your situation is a bit dicy as in-laws are involved.

You need to discuss your beliefs and your intention for your children with your husband and disregard all the in-laws say. In-laws are the number 1 reason for divoc\rce in this country and if you value yours you will leave them and their opinions out of your marriage and personal life.

Your belief in a higher being or the lack of is personal to you and no one else can or should tell you and yours haow to feel about it.

Answer 9

As an ordained minister. I offer the following advice.
First, look within yourself. And really find out what you believe. Put in writting. in the form of a " dogma " if you will.
I myself chose to be a non denominational Christian minister. because I personally found that most of the things that we learn in churches are not from the bible. But rather religious tradition. So, first find what you , with all of your knowledge, what you hold to be true.
Then first, politly, lovingly, honestly, and with the understanding that he may become offended. Tell him the complete truth.
As for your in laws and other family members. They CAN NOT live your life for you! Even though you are married. you can only live for you.
As for your children. My wife and I are both Christian, yet we both have differnt denominations. We teach our children prayer, and morality.

God Bless

Answer 10

It sounds like your stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think you should discuss this with your husband and ONLY your husband because he's the only one who's opinions matter. You're married to him, not his whole family. If he feels strongly about his beliefs and doesn't want to change them and is most likely going to pass them down to your children you've got a tough decision to make.