My wife & I have been together for 4 years. Married for 3. 9 yr old stepson & a 2 yr old daughter with her. She doesnt work except for saleing jewelry on ebay. I work a full time job & am very active in our church. It seems like all I do is work. I come home, the children are never fed, the house is a disaster & all she has done is sit on Ebay looking at baby clothes for our daughter & spends money we dont have. She stays up till around 1 to 3 in the morning on the computer & does nothing. I help with stepsons school work. She only does laundry when its absolutely neccesary, my stepson usually has to wear dirty uniforms to school. The children are on no schedule whatsoever. My mother helps as much as she can but the relationship between her & my wife is becoming more & more strained. I'm not a mothersboy but am close to my parents. My mother has had enough of her negligence & so have I. When I try to talk to my wife, she's overly defensive and begins pointing the finger. Please Help!
2007-11-16 03:37:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Take the computer away. Stop Internet services. She has an addiction and needs help. She's very defensive because she already knows what she's doing is wrong and hearing it from you is like hearing the same words she's already told herself over and over again and it makes her mad because shes mad at herself. Given this, don't be sympathetic to her problem think of your kids and their best interests. Leave mommy out of it - (personal experience!) she'll only anger you more towards your wife and keep you from thinking about this problem realistically. Again, get rid of the Internet. May piss her off horribly but an addict always gets ticked when their crutch is taken away.
2007-11-16 03:57:48 · answer #1 · answered by caligirl_SC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to try an talk to her again and maybe suggest going to marriage counseling. Give her an ultimatum. Tell her that if things don't change and if she is not willing to work things out then you are going to leave. You deserve to be treated better than that and have more help. I know it sounds old fashioned, but I believe that if the wife decides to be a stay at home mom then it is her job to take care of the household tasks such as cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, doing laundry, etc. I hope things get better for you, but don't be afraid to leave. You need do what is best for you and the kids. If she doesn't want to be a part of that then that will be her loss. You can't keep living like this because it is obviously tearing you apart. Good luck!
2016-05-23 09:54:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Couple of things.
1. Your wife sounds like she's really depressed.
2. The entire family needs some good counseling. If she won't go (and she might not) - then go without her.
Now then, this is going to be difficult. It's hard for depressed people to see that they need help. She will insist that the problem is with YOU, the children, your mother, everyone but HER. You may have to make it a condition of continuing your marriage that the entire family seek help.
SO, in addition to finding a good counselor, you should also hire a good lawyer so that should your marriage collapse (as it might) you and your daughter - and stepson for that matter - are protected.
If at all possible, even if you two aren't on the best of terms, I would also contact your stepson's father and alert him to what's happening at your home. He might be able to give you some insight as to what your wife's condition may be. Besides, Stepson is his child as well - and he deserves to be involved with his upbringing. Again, even if you two men aren't on the best of terms, it's really important that the father be involved. You might just have more in common than you thought.
2007-11-16 03:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simple fact is that she has you buffaloed. So what if she gets mad? You're mad and upset and she doesn't seem to care.
You've got to have a talk with her and lay down the law whether she wants to hear it or not. A marriage is a trade off. If you are our working all day, then she still has expectations of caring for the home and the children. I'm not saying you shouldn't do anything but that the majority should be hers. You need to let her know what you are willing to do and what your expectations of her are and vs. vs.
Then there is the rub. The question whether voiced or not is always "and if I don't then what?" Don't make empty threats and don't say things that you aren't going to do or it will be for nothing.
2007-11-16 03:46:23 · answer #4 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need Nanny 911. Seriously, I think you (as a family) could use counseling. You say you are involved in church so, you might use that as a resource for counseling. As much as it seems like a good thing for you mother to be helping, it probably isn't. Your wife needs to act and feel like a wife and mother...not be treated like a child by your mother. Try to get help for all of you. If your wife balks at the idea, tell her you will go for help on your own....and do it. Good luck.
2007-11-16 03:56:17 · answer #5 · answered by GamB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't she know that a marriage is fifty fifty and she needs to grow up and think about her children and husband .Tell her that this needs to change now she is hurting her children and tearing up your marriage . Suggest to see a therapist .LOTS OF LUCK TO YOU.
2007-11-16 04:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by Ana C pisces1976 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋