Should I cancel? How do I politely back out?

Question

I asked a question yesterday about a gentleman I've been working with scheduling a portrait session to get some headshots done for work. I kind of got the feeling he was trying to turn our appointment into a date when he suggested we have dinner afterwards-saying it was his way of repaying me for being so kind through his numerous reschulings of his appointment. I e-mailed him back and said "Actually, I'm thankful for your offer, but that won't be necessary. I don't mind that you've had to reschedule. I understand. Also, I need to get home after your session because my husband is working and my babysitter isn't available past 4:00." He wrote back and said "I know dinner isn't necessary, but a girl's gotta eat. It's okay if you bring the kids. I know this is good for us both."

What the heck does he mean by THAT?!?

I'm a photographer- he's prepaid for his session- I'm more than willing to refund his credit card. He needs his pictures taken for a real estate advertisement he's doing- he's an agent for a brokerage that I work with frequently- I'm worried if I say anything to make him mad, I'll lose the business from the whole brokerage, which is about 30 percent of my income.

Answer 1

CREEPY!!! I wouldn't even want to be alone with this guy. Ask a friend to tag along during the shoot. Then have another call right after with some emergency to back out of the dinner date.

Answer 2

Ewww, yuck, creepy!

You obviously don't want to burn a bridge here, though! One bad review can make a difference in your business, I'm sure. Sorry you have to deal with this jerk (he's definitely NOT a gentleman - you are being very generous!).

Anyway. You don't necessarily need to cancel and set yourself up for a bad business relationship with the brokerage. E-mail him back. Thank him for the offer but tell him that bringing your children is not an option and you don't go out to dinner with men that aren't your husband. You'll see him at his appointment, thanks.

Try to arrange to have someone there at the photo shoot with you to help deflect any further advances he might try to make with you. You can see if a friend won't mind joining you to help hold your extra lens or something like that.

Good luck - make sure someone is there with you!

Answer 3

He might just be friendly, but it sounds like he might be getting a little too chummy. Whats the "good for us both" comment all about? Weird. Just tell him "Thank you so much for the kind offer, but Im afraid it will just not be possible. The kids get a little wacky after 5:00ish. One is getting an ear infection". ( or some other made up thing). Maybe avoid being alone with him even. He sounds a little pushy.

Answer 4

It's the "I know this is good for us both." part that creeps me out.

I think the best approach is to let him know that this is your profession, and that you would prefer to keep the shoot on a "professional" level, and just do the shoot.

If he insists on the dinner portion of his proposal, you should thank him kindly, and recommend another photographer. I would also inform the agency of what has transpired. While you have been tactful, your response to his "date proposal" was not subtle, and he doesn't seem to "get it". While it is still possible that he doesn't have an ulterior motive, "a girl's gotta be careful these days".

Good luck.

Answer 5

Just be honest and tell him that you make it a rule never to socialize out side of work with your business clients. Tell him that your schedule is very busy with work and family duties and that you appreciate the offer but you and your husband have plans later for dinner. If he keeps insisting you will have to say that you dont feel that it would be proper for a married women with children to be having dinner with a single man. Tell him you appreciate his business but that this is just a professional relationship and that doesnt include meals after work.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Real estate agents have to be pushy to survive and it's unusally tough right now. He might not be hitting on you, but trying to make one more contact in case you can steer him to a referral. Also, he might want to convince you to list your house with him or let him show you some houses for sale.
Be nice, play him along to keep the firm's business, but keep it professional - no meals, no getting together - and consider having somebody else around when he comes for his session.

Answer 8

That IS weird.
Is it out of the question that you have the lunch with him, and of course BRING your kids. It cant be construed as a date if you have your kids in tow. I suggest this only because of your anxiety that a bad experience with him might lose you clients with the rest of the brokerage. In business, we sometimes have to go through with social engagements that we deplore, or at least, dread. lol. Tell your husband about it, have him call you during the lunch etc.. and of course, with kids, you have the perfect excuse to dine and dash. I hope this helps. Bring a girlfriend even, to "help" you with the kids and it'll keep the ambience strictly UN-romantic.
good luck with it.

Answer 9

Just be direct but not rude...say something like, "I do appreciate the offer but I will have to decline. Thank you."

Or if he insists on the "a girls got to eat" garbage, just say Thank you but I will be having dinner with my husband when he gets home.
Good Luck!

Answer 10

Eiu--I'd find another photographer. He sounds like a potential problem. It's just not appropriate to ask another man's wife out to dinner--and it's not appropriate to insist when a woman has clearly stated no.