Atheists who are former Christians, were any of you really afraid to admit to yourself you didn't believe?

Question

Six months ago I knew I didn't believe in God but I still kept saying I did, even in my posts on here. I would post questions about things that didn't make sense to me regarding Christianity, but I'd always add the little disclaimer, "I still believe in God, but..."

It was very difficult for me to admit to myself that I didn't believe. I had a lingering, irrational fear that the Christians might be right and that I was committing the worst sin ever for saying I didn't believe.

Here we are, six months later, and I feel God not existing is incredibly obvious. I feel stronger emotionally and healthier mentally than I have ever felt in my life.

Just wondering if any of you had a similar experience.

Thanks!

Answer 1

I am not atheist, but went from being Christian to pagan Wicca to be exact.

When my beliefs changed I did fight it because hey, all my life I believed in one God and the bible as his Holy word. It is not that I did not admit it bought fought it. finally I had to just admit to myself that I no longer believed the bible God or the bible. I knew I was not atheist though because I did and do believe there is a Deity and a creator but who? Which one?

I began studying the pagan paths and Wicca and when I heard that religion all religions are just mankind way of explaining that which cannot be explained, I knew I was in the right direction for me. All paths lead to God was making sense finally but it does not mean like some Christians want it to mean that all Christian churches are different roads leading to the one God, no it means all paths lead to god or Deity.

I came to believe that spiritual and religious truth is relative to the believer not absolute.

BB

Answer 2

I went through exactly the same thing.

I knew that there were far too many inconsistencies, but was very afraid to admit it to myself because of a false impression about life and meaning.

I thought that if I finally confronted my nagging reason, life would loose reason and purpose and that my existence on earth would become meaningless.

I didn't know at the time, that these too, were lies indoctrinated in me at a young age. Once I actually gathered the strength to look at my belief system and explore why I believed the way I did, I found that, although difficult, it was very rewarding.

Now that I have gone through the loss stages of letting indoctrination go, I am a much better person. I am happy more than sad, calm more than stressed and have an incredible sense of purpose in life, that I was continually seeking for while I as a Christian.

One of the best rewards I have found is that my expectations for the future are now bright and positive, and I am not waiting for a moral less society to take over that requires divine destruction. That opens the world right up for progress and makes the future worth working for.

Answer 3

I'd have to say yes and no. I was agnostic for about 10 years. I searched and I studied. I was trying to convince myself that there was a god, that the things I grew up believing were worth believing in. I went to lunch with my then pastor to discuss my faith and beliefs. During the conversation I realized the church had change many of it's stock answers to conform to the newer facts we had. I asked him so many questions and he gave all the right answers but all it did was make me realize faith was the only answer he really had.
Like you I also feel stronger emotionally and healthier mentally. I accept that I am in charge of the good that comes into my life and that sometimes bad things happen but we just have to deal with them. I don't get to blame god nor do I have to thank him.

Answer 4

Sounds exactly like me--
Honestly, the first time you actually said it either aloud or in your head "There really is no God" did you hold your breath expecting to immediately be "struck down"? I sure did..that all seems so silly now though.
I also agree with you about the stonger bit. Since I left behind the prejudices that go with religion I have never been more open-minded, tolerant, loving and just overall accepting toward my fellow human than I am now. I have never been happier to be honest.

Answer 5

Yes - it was hard to say it out loud for some time. However, I wouldn't call myself a full-on atheist though, but I certainly don't believe in the Christian god of the bible. I believe there is something out there that connects us, but I don't think it could be described as god, or at least, not using the definition of god that I've always known.

Answer 6

Actually, it was harder for me to admit it to my family than it was to admit it to myself. Once I learned to love myself and accept who I am and recognize that my self-worth wasn't determined by anyone other than me (aka, the church community that told me I was a worthless sinner, no matter how good I tried to be) I became comfortable in my own skin and with my own thoughts. Realizing that there was no god, and are no gods didn't scare me as much as it made me realize that if I want something to happen, I have to make it happen. In my old church they believed the same thing, but attributed even that to god by saying that "God only helps those that help themselves."

Answer 7

Yes, for many years. I tried to find reason to believe up until I was 30 years old. Here I am, about to turn 36 and I've never been more content with my decision to just go with what I felt was right and true. We all have to go down our own paths. We all have to make decisions that are right for us, on our own. Good luck on your own personal journey.

Answer 8

You and I have jabbered about this before. Last I spoke, I believe I mentioned something about fence-sitting as the doubt crystallized. That might have been fear of admitting that I didn't believe, but I don't know.

All I know is now I am certain there can be no god, gods, or demigods for that matter.

Answer 9

Yes. It was a slow realization process, made even slower by my fear of "falling off"

I can especially relate to:

"I feel stronger emotionally and healthier mentally than I have ever felt in my life."

Leaving mysticism was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Answer 10

Letting go of God, and everything associated with it was tough for me, too. Accepting the realization that we are all alone on this big blue marble floating in space was difficult, but once I learned I wasn't alone in how I felt, that took some of the burden away.