I'm afraid people will try to take over after my son is born. Is it worth worrying over?

Question

I'm 18 and this is my first child, and it's my mom and dads first grandchild. They have been a major form of support throughout my entire pregnancy, but the way they are acting makes me think that they are going to take over as soon as my son is born because they think they'll know best. The same goes for my boyfriends parents. they already have 3 grandchildren, and his brother is very open with them and they spend a lot of time over at their grandparents house. they seem to think that i'm going to be that open. I feel otherwise. Everyone seems to be assuming that they will be able to keep him when they want to, but i want to be selfish. at least for a little while. and he probably won't be out of my sight for awhile, especially not over night. Is that wrong on my part? I'm not saying that they won't be able to see him, i will just be there too. or is everything just my imagination, and will the excitment wear off after the baby comes?

Answer 1

Trust me sweetie, you will welcome any support your family will give you after your baby is born.

Taking care of a newborn can be grueling. It is a 24-7 job.

No one can replace the bond between a mother and her child.

Wishing you much happiness with your new baby boy!

Answer 2

I wouldn't worry to much about it. Just set some boundaries, let them know that you need them to call first, and would really appreciate it if they only stayed for an hour (or whatever.) Also, show them that you know what your doing. Read books/magazine about babies and child rearing. When they give you advice, just thank them. If you've read something different, let them know. They may feel a little shafted, but they'll get over it and appreciate the little time they have with you and the baby.

Also, they are totally excited, and their excitement will calm a bit after awhile.

I was 19 when I had my first baby, and I was truely blessed that grandparents didn't overstep their boundaries. But everyone is always giving advice. I've had complete strangers tell me to stop having kids so I can put them through college!!! (I have 4 kids and I'm 29.) Or to get my boys tested for ADD because they were acting up at Wal-mart. You know what's best!!! That is what matters!!

Answer 3

Your right parents who become grandparents will divinely try to give you their advice on EVERYTHING. At first this may be the case, but what you need to do is to set you boundaries right away. Remember you are your sons mother PERIOD! Parents/grandparents mean well, they truly do. It's kind of like hey I've been there, done that so I really do know what is best you have to trust me on this. That doesn't mean that they are always right, or always wrong. They too are excited. Especially with it being your parents first grandchild. Let everyone fuss with your son, play with him, give him lots and lots of kisses and love. But, when it comes down to it again I stress to you that you are the mom. You and your boyfriend will be making the final choices on what you think is right for your son. Make this very clear from pretty much the beginning. It's important to be gentle yet firm with this issue. If you aren't your predictions of what might happen, probably will happen, don't let them tell you what to do. BTW, after a while believe me, you will want some relief, to get some extra sleep, and just to take a rest. All of this is normal, and you sound like you will make a great mom. Again have patience with your parents and his. Like I said they are so excited as well.

Answer 4

I was the same way. I think it's allowed to be selfish. This is your child not theirs. My family was acting the same. I finally just told them that if I needed advice I would ask for it until then they could keep it to themselves. You don't let anyone steal your thunder it may be their first grandkid but it's your first child. After my first daughter was born I hated when other people held her too much I would take her back. It offended my family but I had to explain it to them that it's my child and I want to spend a lot of time with her. In the end it matters what you did for your child, not them. Your child is going to remember if you handed him/her off to grandma and grandpa all the time or if you spent a lot of time with him/her. I know when I was young my grandparents took over and a lot of my memories involve my grandparents not my own parents. So, do what you feel is right and remember it's okay to be selfish it just means you really care about your baby!

Answer 5

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have less than 7 weeks to go and EVERYONE keeps talking about how they are going to be at my house all the time. I just had my baby shower last weekend and all the grandparents to be were arguing over who was going to be there the most......I just let them think that. My hubby to be and I have already talked about when enough is going to be enough. My main worry was the first 6 weeks of my babies life....I didn't want him to be pulled from one person to another, I think that is when the mom and dad should be bonding with the baby. BUT- you got to keep in mind that it gets dark early now (lol), they are all going to have to leave sometime. :)
Also....the other responses are right when they say that you are really going to appreciate the help. But don't worry, I know what you are going through. Just take it day by day, and when enough is enough, just let everyone know. Good luck to you and Congrats!!! Being a mommy is WONDERFUL!!

Answer 6

I found out after my first was born that I was glad when My mother stayed over night for the first two weeks. My son got up every two hours on the bout-ten, she was able to take one or two feedings for me so I could get some sleep. My Husband works nights so he was not there at night and slapped during the day, so I was glad for some company, when my mother-in-law would come and visit me.
But it will where off. My children are 3 and 5 and my in-law's how live two Horus away hardly see the kids any more because of gas Prices. My mother lives next door so my son goes over there when he gets home from school to I and my Daughter get home from work. I work in day care so she comes with we but I cannot see paying fro my son for and ho-re there so that is Nice.

Answer 7

first of all ay I say you sound like a very mature and level-headed 18 year old, who is clearly going to be a very good mummy. Now to the question - do not be bullied by ANYONE in regards to this baby. Because you are young people may think they have the right to over-rule you in matters regarding your baby, but, despite your age, you know what is best for him. Don't let them do it and nip it in the bud quickly. Everyone has an opinion but trust your instincts and heart and U make the ground rules. It is tough enough being a mum without being made to feel inferior as well. I wish you all the luck and remember - this is YOUR baby

Answer 8

I think all moms have to lay down the law with family at some point. Frankly it doesn't matter what anyone else's opinion is -your baby, your rules. (Like not giving the baby a plate of chocolate and icing at 6 months... yeah nice that was my father-in-law).

And frankly baby's NEED mom and dad, and mom and dad NEED baby (or at least they should). Usually if you separate mom from baby under 6 months and some studies show the effects up to three years both their stress levels (measured through hormones and blood pressure go up).

My first is 20 months old now and we have been apart only 3 or 4 times. And never overnight, and always at MY house. Except earlier this week when I was in labour and in the end I just couldn't cope with the sound of him screaming, playing and crying (to see me) so he went to the ILs for 5 hours. And that broke my heart and was not my first choice of places for him to go.

My husband's cousin is the opposite they have been sending their daughter on overnights since she was a few months old. If that works for them -fine. But my kids will go away overnight when THEY request it. I don't see the rush before that.

You have to do what you are comfortable with. But I wouldn't worry about setting down the law until after the baby is born -unless they are REALLY pushy.

Answer 9

They assume that you need and want their help because you're so young. They believe that you should still be able to do what other non-parent teens are doing and they assume that you will want to. They think that they're doing you a big favor and they mean well by it. They will also drive you crazy when your baby is born. Try to be patient, but be firm with them when you want them to back off.

It is natural for parents to want to protect you and to protect your baby. You may feel that they're taking over. It's best if you can live independently from them - they will have to respect your space. If you can't, then just try to be as nice about it as you can knowing that they don't mean any harm or disrespect. Count yourtself luck as many girls don't get any support from their parents.

Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful healthy baby.

Answer 10

I had very similar feelings with my first, and many arguments with my parents as well. Turns out, they won't "take over" , and they baby will always love you best. You will come to appreciate the help, believe me. And its really nice to watch your children grow up having a close relationship to their grandparents. I missed out on that as a kid, and I 'm glad my kids have it. If they become too controlling, you may need to distance yourself slightly, which means, move out but not far away if you live with them. You need to stand your ground, while being careful not to offend those who you love you and the baby the best. Its not as hard as you think it will be.

Answer 11

if you feel that way it is okay..and the best way to handle it..is something that i myself did...I made sure that ALL GRANDPARENTS OF THE BABY KNEW..that when it came to parenting or other "suggestions" that what I said or what my husband said came first...the grandparents could suggested what they wanted but in the end its my decision and if they can't respect that then they will lose out. I was NOT going to have anyone take over for me..I don't care how long they had been parents..they had their time now it was mine...thats the way I was...And all grandparents respected that..plus me and my husband had moved to the base we were going to be stationed at when my daughter turned 1 month old..and we were 13 hours away..so there was no interference still...good luck