How to get a 12 y/o to think about her family's interests? i.e. to stop being selfish...?

Question

Any tips.. Please... Thanks...

Answer 1

Give her a simple chore that effects the entire family, for example collect the laundry and bring it to the laundry machine when it's time.
Not only let her know how much of a help it is to the person doing hte laundry, but on the good chance she shirks the duty, by no means do it for her. (no matter how badly you need the undies done! lol)
Instead hold her accountable for her lack of action by having her do the chore asap. Make sure she knows that since she didn't do her part the family, including herself, didn't have clean laundry when they needed it.
The chores can be from collecting laundry, to collecting the garbage(if she forgets to take it out the stink might grab her attention before you need to). Obviously it takes patience on your part, but she'll learn quickly that pitching in has its rewards.
She can learn that being part of a family means pitching in to make things run smoothly. It's a lesson learned from a young age in my house and my kids, ages 5,6, and 8 all know that their help around here is appreciated and expected. When we've had a good week and everyone has done their parts to the best of their ability we reward with a dinner out or a family movie night.

Answer 2

You can't. She's 12. It's normal behavior for a 12 year old girl. Unfortunately, it doesn't get any better until they're much older. My daughter is 15, still very selfish and self-centered. Sometimes you just have to step up, be the parent, and say "This is the way it's gonna be."

Answer 3

Ok let's face it here...12 year olds are still kids and kids ARE selfish. I don't think they actually "intend" on being selfish, they just are. (especially if the only child). I have no clue as to WHY they are...but they are. Tips to help this? Only by getting the child more involved than you have already. I think it really depends on what "family interest" you are referring to also. I mean...do you expect this child to get into "quilting" with other members of your family? (just trying to see where you're coming from here). Could you add more detail as to WHAT family interest...a bit more specific please.

Answer 4

She's 12, it's normal.

You just carry on being consistent. When she's being totally selfish, tell her what effect her behaviour is having on the rest of the family and insist on being fair.

Answer 5

12 yr olds are naturally selfish

Answer 6

She is 12 years old it is quite NATURAL for her to be selfish.

Answer 7

They aren't capable. Their hormones are going nuts and they are sensitive and self-obsessed. Try to be gentle with her(?). My 12 year old goes to church and she still is selfish, more so when she's tired. She becomes a 3 year old whiny brat then. But she has her good moments. Try to compliment your 12 year old for little things.

Answer 8

PP is somewhat right in that the family problems need to be taken care of by the parent. But to answer your question....it just happens one day. Lead by example, but when the change comes it seems like overnight! Probably soon too.

Answer 9

You could get some simple help by just going to church. I know this really sounds biased, but the positive influence could help. Most churches have really good youth programs- and they do address common issues of the day- including teaching them how to serve and be sensitive to others.

Answer 10

Show by example.
Have open dialogue i.e. you speak your opinion, she listens; she speaks her opinoin, and you listen (read that again) you listen.
Also, try involving her in places that have a good influence; like sporting clubs, music clubs, church etc.