why do people with depression push the people they love away?

Question

my boyfriend sufferes from depression and pushes me away (sometimes for up to a month at a time) I love him so much but I take everything so personal and get my self sick over it. when he snaps out of it he apologizes but while hes depressed he doesnt even respond to anything I do/say. why do depressed people do this? what are they thinking while that perosn is pushed away. do they think about that person or are they just too upset to care?

Answer 1

My daughter suffers from severe depression and I hate it. She getting help, but she too pushes us away. When people are depressed, they want to be left alone. Nothing interest them. They don't want company, won't take part in any activity. all they want is to be alone. It isn't that he doesn't love you, he doesn't want to bother you with his problems and he doesn't know how to tell you. He's not ready to talk about his depression to anyone and from what my daughter said, she feels if she starts talking about her depression, she will only worry those who love her. She doesn't want others involved. She is so bad, she lost her 2 children and won't get them back until she seeks help. She is on meds now and sees a psychologist regularly. That's how I know all this. Be patient with him, when he is ready, he will seek out help. Stand by him, never give up, that's the worst thing you could do. Encourage him every so often, to see a doctor because you are worried and love him. Depression is terrible I know, but if you love someone, like I love my daughter, you will get through with patience and understanding. Be blessed

Answer 2

People who are depressed sometimes do things that don't seem to make sense to those around them. To the person that is depressed, it makes perfect sense. He may be pushing you away because he doesn't feel worthy enough to have you in his life right now. He may be pushing you away because he thinks it is not fair for you to have to be around him when he is feeling this badly. I can't tell you for sure why he is doing that. I have been depressed myself and I'd push people away because I was too emotionally exhausted to be in an emotionally reciprocal relationship. (I felt as if I could only take from him and give nothing). I felt worthless at times and felt as if I didn't deserve to have someone care so deeply about me especially when I was so moody. For me, I would always think about my boyfriend and sometimes it made me feel even more inadequate that I couldn't be the girlfriend I normally was. He may be thinking about you more than you even realize. Just be there for him when he snaps out of it and try not to be too hard on him or yourself. Most likely, it isn't even you. If he isn't getting help already help him get the help he needs. It is a long road, but I'm sure he'll overcome it. Good luck!

Answer 3

I have bipolor disorder so I understand the feelings. It's not that we want to push people away when we are feeling like this, more than anything (in my case) we want to be loved. The mental state says basically that other people don't understand and they can't help. It's a matter of believing what is there before us. Our heads are saying no, this all doesn't matter. I definately think about the person but sometimes, we seclude ourselves in our own little shell and want to be alone. The outside world is a scary place and the only sanity is left in the head. Something along those lines.

Saying that that they are too upset to care sometimes could be a good way of putting it. I wouldn't take it personally, though. If you truely love him, you just gotta accept things like this. If he's not seeking help for it, then maybe its time for some professional assistance.

Answer 4

Help him on the road 2 happiness; this a difficult time for you both. Love is the 1 thing that can help you get through these hard time. Don't let him push you away, just understand that he's not himself right now and needs you now, more then ever, 2 feel better and lead a happy life again as difficult as that may be. Just make him believe and feel that you will always be there for him; good and bad times. It may be a long journey, but in the end you will get there, together.

Answer 5

Depression is the feeling of complete loss an helplesness.
When he is depressed he wants to throw the world away because he feels that it has no meaning in his life. When it comes to love, he might feel that u are a part of the world rather then part of the good in it. When he is thinking that he will push u away to try and get away from the world not neceserily from u. Try to let him understand that u are there for him if he needs u and try to comfort him in his time of need. If he realy did not love u he would not apologize when he feels better. So wile he is depressed u have to be strong to help him through it. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

It sounds as if your BF is not being treated for his depression, and that should be done now. Depression does maybe make a person pull away, but not for a month at a time. He needs to see a doctor, who can help him. I take meds for depression, and i do well on them. The difference in me is not a pulling away, if I didn't take these helpers, I would be snarling and yelling at my family for any tiny thing, I think people react differently when they have depression, so your BF really needs to see a doctor to get a correct diagnosis of his trouble. Stick by him, and let him know you are there forhim.

Answer 7

The hallmark of depression is isolation. When it sets in you cannot even recognize yourself, your responses, your moods, etc.. It is not pleasurable to be with anyone and you know in the back of your mind that the depressed you isn't really who you are. You cannot trust yourself to be appropriate, treat others with the kindness they deserve, give anything authentic to a relationship and so you pull away and hope that somewhere in the black hole you will find yourself again and be able to share that with the people you love. All you can do is be a complete ally and make sure that he is getting the help and medication that he needs (this I know is difficult because his motivation is probably at about a zero and may have to be led by the nose). Very tough for both of you. I hope that he finds lasting mental health and that he recognizes your love and loyalty when he is once again able. m

Answer 8

It is a common symptom of depression. It's not personally directed at you, but when he's depressed he probably feels he has nothing to offer you - and trying is just too much effort.

I've battled depression often during my life and it's terrible to feel so joyless. I don't want to be around anybody, either.

I feel no energy, no enthuseasm, no excitement, no interest. I usually feel nothing but sad!

The only way I can stand people during one of those spells is if they are quiet and still and gently understanding. Then, gradually drawing me out will work.

Someone who is too loud and boisterous or perky and happy or tries to hard to get me to respond in kind, just makes me withdraw more because they make me feel more tired.

My advice to you is to stop worrying about him and fussing at him. Don't go entirely away but find something to entertain yourself quietly while around him.

Reading a book or something nearby will give him the message that you are OK so he doesn't have to worry about you. Your calm presence will comfort him and gradually he will be able to interact with you again.

I know it's hard on you, too, and requires patience and understanding on your part, but it's also a good life lesson for you. You have to realize that only YOU are in charge of your life and your happiness does not depend on someone else.

If you make him feel that you can only be happy if he is, he may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility. I know I feel that way when I'm depressed.

When you get a chance to have a good conversation with him suggest he see a doctor. There are many medications that can really help the problem.

I have been taking Effexor for the last several years. It really helps me stay more emotionally stable. I'm better able to deal with what's happening right now in my life, with appropriate emotion, and not worry about all the stuff I can't change.

Good Luck

Answer 9

I have depression I push my most love ones away until I feel I am back in control of myself.
I don't want people around me when I am depressed I feel so many things at once,the last think i want to do is explode with people about.

I hate my problems,but ,you have to fight to fight,and sometimes i just feel like giving up, but then i look at my Mum my boyfriend my Dogs and say no way i love them all to much....

Answer 10

Speaking from experience as mostly a depressed person (I'm bi-polar) I would suggest that you stay away from people who are depressed. We are not easy to be around but we can depress the people we're with. Most seriously depressed people (chronic if over 3 weeks) end up divorced. Depression isn't a matter of being upset.

As long as you are with this bf I would suggest that you read up on it so that you can better understand it. It has not one thing to do with you except that most depressed people are easily irritated (by anyone and everyone). They want to be alone. They feel empty and hopeless as though life isn't worth living. They are often non-functional; hence the isolation.