I have a history of depression, I get depressed very easily, I was molested as a child?

Question

and last year my baby died. I am 23 married, and I have two kids. Recently I had an argument with my mom, about the time my step that molested me. Well she still doesnt believe me and is telling me that she thinks that I liked her ex husband! She is divorced from this man now because he cheated on her and had another child with some other woman, he beat her up, and she also caught him sneeking into my sisters room, once again she didnt do anything. Well eventhough they are divorced she still has sex with him, she still loves him. Well this whole stiuation about her still not believing me is really making me depressed again I cant stop crying, I dont know if I should stop talking to her, and not let her see her grandchildren who she loves alot, and my son really loves her too. I love her too because eventhough she has never believed me and always taken my step dad's side, I still love her but she is telling me that I am mentally ill and that I need help, that I am making it all up.

I have been to counseling several times about this molestation thing It didnt work for me. What should I do to not get depressed, should I just forgive my mom? Eventhough she is treating me like crap calling me a phsyco?

Answer 1

You do not have to forgive your mom. Forgiveness is about acceptance and you dont have to accept that your mother betrayed your trust and continues to do so. It would help you to realize that your mother is a very sick woman that continues to make very bad decisions. These are not about you anymore and for your own wellbeing, you might separate yourself from your mother until you are healthier. I would also keep your children from her, under no circumstances would I let them around her unsupervised.

I know you did counseling and it didnt help. Trust me when I say it was because you did not have the right counselor. Keep trying. You are not going to be made whole in a few sessions.

Love your children and pride yourself on knowing that you will protect them no matter what.

Please contact me privately, if you would like, I have experience with this issue.

Answer 2

about 5 years ago, I started to fall into a really depressive episode. At first I thought it was only because I had a bad break from a relationship but the feelings wouldn't go away even after I got a new girlfriend. It was wrecking my life until a point where it was seriously affecting my work and personal life.

She was very worried but at the same time couldn't understand why I was still sad and thought that I still couldn't let go of my previous relationship. Being the wonderful person that she is, she put aside her feelings and suggested I go for psychiatric evaluation. Many months later and even more anti-depressants, I was not coming close to being better at all.

After doing some research online, I found out the real cause as you described it really makes a lot of sense and purchased this program. The results were simply astonishing. I read this book over three times and put all words in action. Using this method, I've kept my depression at bay ever since. Up to date I'm still living happily with my girlfriend.

Depression Free Method?

Answer 3

First of all, I would limit my time with a mother like that. She obviously does not have a firm grasp on what it means to be a responsible, caring adult.

Second, counseling works, you have to do your part. It is not some magic thing where a counselor waves a wand and you are cured. You have to do the homework. What might that be? Understanding you are an adult now and can take legal action against this creep if you chose. You can also stop being a victim and be a strong survivor.

Third, I am sorry for the loss of your child, that is a very difficult thing to go through and you need to move through your grief process. It takes time and you need to have control over your own thoughts and emotions once you fully grieve.

Last, go easy on yourself, seek out support from mentally stable people, not your mother. She is mentally ill and toxic, stay away from her until you are strong enough to deal with her again. Keep going to counseling and ask the counselor for tools to help you cope, write them down and use them daily. Crying is good, healthy, and it is normal to be depressed after a death. Take good care of yourself by eating healthy, exercising (a good walk in a pretty location will life your mood), keep active with friends and your children.

You can get through this honey, I know you can and come out the other side a stronger person to help someone else one day. God bless, seek Him out in prayer to help you. I will pray for you too.

Answer 4

See sexual abuse: minors, and depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 20, and section 2. Report the matter to the police, so that anyone else he molests will be believed, since a report will go into their database of sexual offenders, even if he may not be prosecuted. Put together a written argument, about your sister (was she molested, too?), the beating, the infidelity, and the fact that wives/partners of such people are often in denial about such things, even though they may suspect something: otherwise, how did she "catch him". It is usually because of their emotional, and/or financial dependence that denial occurs. Print/copy this, and send, with a copy of your argument, to her, or, preferably, read it over the phone, and tell her that if she ever makes reference to this again, you will never speak to her again, and deny access to the children, and move interstate. Forgiveness is an important part of healing, but you don't have to put up with such a response from her, and I wouldnt!!! It occurs to me that you may be experiencing grief related depression, so I have included the following: For grief related depression, go to http://www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief" in the taskbar, and enter. Call: (U.S.A.) 1800 445 4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email [e-mail] View http://www.counsellingforloss.com/article8.htm Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/grief.html and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/ Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/ and http://www.helpguide.org/ and http://www.mental-health-abc.com/ and http://www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 Understand that there are often several stages of grief.

The stages are:

1. Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
2. Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
3. Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
4. Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.
See http://www.amazon.com/ for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If the depression continues, visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 2.

Suggested Resources on Grief and Mourning

Livingstone, B. (2002). Redemption of the Shattered: A Teenager's Healing Journey through Sandtray Therapy, http://www.boblivingstone.com/.

Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007). The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books.

Simon, S, & Drantell, J. J. (1998). A Music I No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent, Simon and Schuster.

Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press.

James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins.

Worden, J. W. (2001). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Professional, Springer Publishing.

Answer 5

Go to the cops and charge the step

sort it out

you got depression because you assume stuff. You havent realised that all these assumptions are wrong and are insignificant. So start action something in your life.

So if you got molested tell the cops. The assumptions you have that no one will believe you has not been proven. That assumption is ruining your life. When the cops find out and say in a years time the guy goes to jail, then your assumptions on this matter has been proven wrong and they have been affecting your life for many years for no reason.
Assumption are part of life, but you have to learn to treat them correctly.
When you assume something, you immediately prove it correct or incorrect, then move on. You dont let it linger or it will cause depression.

By proving the thought, or notion, or idea is correct or incorrect will give you the meaning and direction of life.

By not proving, or asserting it, will lead to depression.

good luck

Answer 6

Wow, you really have a difficult situation there. No, you don't have to forgive your mom. She chose an evil man over her own daughter. That's just bad no matter how you look at it.

Don't punish your children for your mother's stupidity. Continue to love her, but do not be a victim with her. Make it plain to her that you will not accept this man in your life. Do not allow him to be near your children. Your first responsibility is to protect them. Tell your mother she can still see her grandchildren, but ONLY if this man is not present. Make it very clear to her that he is NOT to be anywhere near your children. Make it clear to her that you DO NOT care whether she believes you or not. These are your children, and you make the rules. If she doesn't like that or cannot accept it, then she can't see them. Do not leave them at her house when you're not there.

In short, it's obviously a waste of your time to try and convince her she's having a relationship with a molester and a predator. Forget about that and concentrate on keeping your children safe, healthy and happy. If she argues with you about having this creep around when your children are visiting, just say, "Fine, you can come see them at my house and do not bring him with you."

Now quit dwelling on what's happened in the past. You're not going to convince your mother that this guy is a snake. Forget about that and focus your attention on your kids. If mom can't agree to your terms, that's her problem, period.

Answer 7

It's really unfortunate that your mother denies this happened to you. She has to deny it because if she admitted it, she would have to stop sleeping with her exhusband. So it suits her needs to deny it. But the good news is that you don't need her to believe you. True, it would be really great if she did but honestly you don't need it.

I probably wouldn't prevent her seeing my grandkids but I do think you should limit your interaction with her and absolutely do not discuss this topic with her again. Childhood sexual abuse is something that you and every other victim will carry with you the rest of your life. That's why it's vital that you find a good therapist and continue in therapy. If you don't connect with one therapist, find another one. Keep looking until you do. This is the ONLY way you will get relief and understanding and you will be given the skills you need to live with this particularly horrible childhood history.

First thing - call your doctor today and ask for antidepressants. They are wonderful and will provide you with a great deal of relief. Once again though, if whatever is prescribed doesn't help, let the doctor know so you can try another one.

You do not have to live the rest of your life with this depression. Once it is lifted you will be able to deal with other issues with much more ease and comfort.

So -- first thing: get on an antidepressant. Second thing: stop discussing this with your mother. If she brings it up simply redirect the conversation or in a nice tone of voice tell her you don't wish to discuss it with her.

Third thing: Find a good therapist and get started. This is the only way you will ever get relief from this. If there was another way I would tell you but there's not.

Again, you don't NEED her validation. You know it happened and I believe that it happened and I'm sure lots of other people believe it too. Start with the things I've outlined above and you will soon be on your way to recovery!

I'll be thinking of you and wishing you good luck and letting you know that I know you can do it.

Answer 8

Poor You.

Firstly I feel very sorry for all you've been through. Losing a baby is a terrible thing for anyone to have to go through and you have my sympathy.

You sound like you have been through a lot and need some support. Calling you "mentally ill" just sounds like the sort of insult that is sometimes thrown at people who suffer from depression etc to make them feel bad about themselves.

Having mental illness or any sort of psychological problems, especially as a result of traumatic past experiences is nothing to be ashamed of and it is very wrong for anyone to use this as an insult towards someone else.

I think you should take a break from your mother whilst you seek some counselling to help your sort out exactly how you feel about her and the things that have happened.

Answer 9

I do have faith that medical doctors are too frequently too rapid to try this. while i became going to medical doctors lots in the previous i became clinically determined with Fibromyalgia each and every common practitioner I went to had to place me on anti depressants. that's not brought about by ability of melancholy. To be hassle-free however I do think of that there are fairly some drama queens available who take great factor approximately this. There are some women people who do not opt for to could be good. they could quite take a pill, cry and or bypass to mattress and have somebody experience sorry for them. we've all well-known this style. Anti depressant are especially circumstances efficient and necessary. yet they are very lots over prescribed and overused.

Answer 10

Hi, and sorry to hear about your situation. If you are telling the truth, it must be very frustrating that no-one is listening to you.

I think that it may be a complex situation and needs good professional help. I hear that you have visited several counsellors. If these were of the "humanistic" type where they sat and listened and offered little bits of information here and there,then you would do yourself a favour to see a "cognitive behavioural therapist" or a "NLP" Therapist. Some traditional counselling therapy is absolute rubbish, whilst there are more modern and faster and better techniques.I can talk from personal experience.

It may be that you have to *accept* your mothers version of events. You may never like the abuser, or your mothers attitude, and although you will not be thrilled, you can learn to like the bits of your mum that you do like. You may find that with acceptance you feel less anxious.

I would certainly see an NLP/REBT/CBT therapist though