I am seeing a guy that I have known for years, but we only recently decided to date in the last two months. He lives very far from me, but we manage to see one another a two weekends a month. I already graduated and am planning to go to grad school, and he is graduating in May and then applying to jobs far away, abroad and at home. We have a close and intense connection and the love I'm starting to have for him feels real. The more I see him the harder it is to leave. Should I just enjoy this while it lasts, see him as much as I can and have the memories, or should I end it, because this relationship will probably end in 6 months? We haven't slept together yet, but I know when that happens my feelings for him will get even stronger. He has talked to me about the length of the relationship and he really cares for me and is unsure of the future. I want to follow my dreams and not let a guy get in the way of my plans, like him. What should I do?
2007-11-15 18:35:30 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
enjoy it while it lasts... then be depressed when it ends.. i had a ld relationship.. i drove 200 miles to see him 1x or 2x a week. he ended it because he was afraid.. it crushed me.. now he wants to get back together but i feel the same will happen again so i am against it... i had fun while it lasted but now it is time to move on....
2007-11-15 18:51:25 · answer #1 · answered by firechick1721 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is different for each couple and I think the best advice is to follow your heart as cheesy as that sounds. Still, if you know for sure that the relationship is going to end and you think you can deal with that if you stay in it for the next 6 months then do it. If you can't deal with it then break it off. If you aren't sure it is going to end and really want to see where it goes then take the risk andstay with it. Maybe he will find a job that is not too far or you can go to grad school a bit closer to him. If you both feel the same way then maybe you can find a way to make it work. I do think you should accomplish your goals and don't change everything just for him if you will ever regret it. But if you won't regret it that might be different. You are in a tough spot and I can understand it but ultimately it comes down to what do you want most or is there a compromise that can be found. Most important thing is don't give up anything you will regret later. My boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship for a while (after knowing each other for years) and eventually I compromised by moving to CA for school and he compromised by moving to the town my school was in. I know it is doesn't work for everyone, but I wish you all the best. If it is meant to be, you will find a way. Another important thing might be what does he want to do/ what is he willing to do for your relationship. If he isn't willing to put effort into staying in it then you will probably be better off finding someone else. Good luck
2007-11-15 18:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say go for it. I'd put off sex, though, until you're really, really sure, because it hurts more if it ends and you've had sex. If it works out, he may decide to find a job near your school, or perhaps you'll put off school for a year. Live in the same city, though, for awhile if you end up really thinking about marriage. Also, try to make your weekends together as normal as possible: do things that aren't special, so you see what he's really like.
2007-11-15 18:38:58 · answer #3 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long distance relationships can work, if it's a short term thing (ie, a couple of years - not super long like 10 years), and if you care enough about that person to make it work.
One thing I'd say tho... don't sleep with him until you are 100% sure he's not gonna break it off with you as soon as it's time to live farther apart. That would suck. Protect yourself, guard your heart in that area especially.
One of my very best friends is now married to a man that she loves, and who loves her, and they are SO cute together - they dated for 5 years, and 4 of those years were long distance. So it's totally doable - just as long as you think that the person you're dating is worth the effort and sacrifice involved!
Anyway, hope that gives you some food for thought. Best of luck to you sweetie!
2007-11-15 18:41:52 · answer #4 · answered by Sadie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in a long distance relationship for 4 years now and it can be hard but we really care about eachother and we want to be together. We know that it won't be forever but for now, its something we have to face. We look at it as a challenge. If it makes a difference we are both almost 21, are both going to school (me for my masters and him too) and we have never slept together (we want to wait til we're married). Long distance relationships take communication, trust and honesty. I think its really important to finish your education, that is why my bf is supportive of me and i of him. We see eachother for one month out of the year, sometimes less. Webcams really help because you can see eachother online. There are a lot of creative things to do to keep eachother involved in your lives. All in all its up to you and your guy. Good luck. email me if you have more questions. :)
2007-11-16 11:09:21 · answer #5 · answered by Isabella20 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know if it's worth it. A relationship can survive through a whole lot, but only if both parties are committed to keeping it alive. You'll still be able to talk every day. You might consider investing in a webcam.
2007-11-15 18:40:20 · answer #6 · answered by notouchdegoat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on what you feel. If it's something that you really feel is worth it and someone you truely love you should try to move closer to him. Transfer schools if he really means that much to you. But if you don't know where you'll see each other in the future you should consider it might be infatuation.
2007-11-15 18:41:13 · answer #7 · answered by Aly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he was serious about the two of you, he would apply for jobs near your grad school. talk to him about it. maybe your dreams can come true with him included. if not, enjoy the memories, you'll find mr. right some where else.
2007-11-15 18:42:31 · answer #8 · answered by Barbara L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
long distance is not that bad.
there are many ways you can contact each other. phone/email/web messaging/etc.
as long as you keep your trust, stay loyal, dedicate to each other.. it should be no problem.
and if u both far from each other, you can always find time to visits each other for couple of days/weeks right?
long distance or short distance is not a big deal. Relationship is based on how truthful and loyal the partner to his/her partner. not because of distance.
2007-11-15 18:42:42 · answer #9 · answered by itikpunk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write yourself a pro and cons list. I am married and I live in Illionis and him in Mississippi and I agree on a long distance relationship if he is a good man.
2007-11-15 18:40:24 · answer #10 · answered by flannelpajamas1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋