i want to get pregnant but i dont?

Question

I know it doesn't make any sense. I love the man I'm with very much right now and I get constant daydreams and fleeting thoughts of being swollen and pregnant and getting pampered by him. Then I take care of the baby even when its crying its eyes out till the wee hours of the morning.
At the same time I would like to finish school (2 more years) at a 4 year college if possible. If not, I could live with that. My man and are are going to be married sometime next year and I keep telling him my desires and he told me he might end up "knocking me up". I think we're both still young (he's 25 I'm 22 in April) and maybe its just the "biological clock". We've known each other for two years.
Is this normal, should I consider planning for a family or keep my legs closed and get my degree? I've lost interest in getting a degree since it'll be in "Fine Arts" and anyone can get that.

Answer 1

if you are second-guessing it then obviously you dont need to have a kid. its really that simple.

Answer 2

You have said absolutely nothing about the actual child. Can you imagine being responsible 24 hours a day for eighteen years for someone who will never thank you? Can you imagine helping a child with homework until 10 or 11 at night if they don't understand something? Can you imagine dealing with a bratty teenager who yells, "I don't love you! I hate you!" Also, can you imagine getting a babysitter every time you want to have dinner with your guy without some kid wanting your attention? Or never having a nice meal in a restaurant again because the kid is screaming?

Further, I have news for you, the pampering while you're pregnant may not last long. Does your bf pamper you now? Bring you breakfast in bed? Massage your feet? Why would you think he would pamper you while pregnant? Honey, you get so pregnant you can't cut your own toenails! Will he take care of you then? Will it matter to him when you have stretchmarks and your hips are wider permanently and you weigh 20 pounds more and the baby is a year old and still cries at night and you have circles under your eyes from lack of sleep?

Also, if you want what's best for your child, you will get more education, because an educated mom is the best indicator of success for a child (see the book Freakonomics for more details).

Close your legs, get your degree, get married, have fun for a year, and then get pregnant. You'll never have the chance to have that fun year once the kid arrives.

Answer 3

Take sometime and really think about what you want out of life, and what would be the best way for you to get those things. Then do whats in your heart, if its finishing school do that, if its starting a family then do that.

I am 25 yrs old and in college and my fiance and I are trying to start a family. I know it will be a lot harder to get my degree with a baby, but I know I can and will do it. Right now starting my family is one of the most important things in my life. School is great and I love it, but I feel like I have wanted a family for a long time and now is my chance to do it.

So sweetie, just take a little while and talk it over with your bf and then you two decide whats best. Once you decide don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong, who are they to judge you.....NO ONE!!!

Answer 4

Many women with no degree and who are single or unmarried make wonderful mothers. However, when you have the choice to take whatever path you want, it is probably best for you, your boyfriend, and any future children to wait until you are in a more stable time of your life.
Get your degree, get married, live a little before taking on the responsibility of a baby. You don't have all the time in the world, but you do have at least 10-12 years before there's anything close to worry about getting too old to have children. It becomes much, much more difficult to get your degree when you have to both support the family and take care of a kid.
Also, you will do any future child you have the best of favors by being able to offer them parents in a stable relationship with settled finances. It can be done, and done well, before that happens, but why make things harder for yourself?

Answer 5

Definately finish the schooling you are doing now. I know it's not romantic, but you have to be sensible and have an escape plan. Say you break up and you're left with a small child and no qualification at all? You can always do your degree part time, but they cost so much there's no point you starting if you aren't interested enough to finish.
I wouldn't recommend having kids until you've both lived together for at least the two years. It's amazing the opinions that will come out even after that time that make you say things like "WTF?! Since when?"
Don't bet on him pampering you either. My hubby took 8 months to learn how to feed me adequately. We argued and I cried over it every three weeks. Pretty crappy pregnancy, so I couldn't organise my own meals terribly often. It sucked.
Go and find lots of books about the bad side of motherhood and see if you can put yourself off that way :) Consider the next two years to be for you to prepare yourself/selves. You can think about your desired pregnancy care, labour options, and all parenting issues. What kinds of skills do you want to be able to teach your child when they are older? Now's a good time to learn them yourself. You can't know whether you will be useful during your pregnancy and study/work, or whether you're going to find yourself on the couch staring at the wall because you are so tired you can't even focus on a Bollywood movie.
"The Mask of Motherhood" is a good place to start. That and a class on Childbed Fever delayed my cluckiness for months :)

Answer 6

Just focus on a degree, its a lot harder to finish up school with a baby! You should just wait a little before having a baby, Believe me you will want to spend as much time as you can with the baby, and not have to worry about school and papers being due. Just wait and a little later if you still feel the same way, then do what you feel you should.

Answer 7

If you and your boyfriend really feel that You would like a child and that you ought to have a child and that a child is waiting for you, then by all means - let that child happen. Dont let other people tell you that you have to finish school in order to have a child. If you do have that child before you probably will never regret having that child. If you are detrimend you can finish school online or with other avenues. Education is important- but dont let what everyone think is what is normal or right rule how you plan your family.

Answer 8

my advice... get the degree. Fine arts isn't that common of a degree, so it would stand out if thats what you wanted to go into. Also, just having any kind of bachelor's will help you get a job no matter what field. You're still young you have plenty of time to have kids. You should get your life in order before bringing a child into this world so you know you'll be ready to care for it.

Answer 9

Your still young and have plenty of time. Finish your studies. If you are not 100% positive that you want to have a baby, then dont. Wait until after your married. Taking the baby on a honeymoon wont be as fun. Enjoy your time together for a while.

Answer 10

I can only recommend what worked for us. My wife and I committed to not having children until we had been married for 4 years. I was 23 and she was 20 when we married. My 1st daughter was born 3 days before our 4th anniversary. It was the best decision we have made in our marriage. It will give you an opportunity to do things together that you won't be able to do again until you are empty nesters. Your daydreams are purely emotional and while they feel all warm and cozy, reality is something different altogether. Don't get me wrong, we love our kids to pieces but they certainly change your lifestyle.

Answer 11

Get that degree! Go to your advisor, and let her know that you would like to change your major. She will be able to guide you in the right direction. If you do not get that degree, you will regret it in the future. Get it done, and set an example for your future children. Once you get that out of the way, then you will have the time and career to be able to support your baby. I wish you good luck, stay focused on your education, it is only two more years! You will thank yourself in the long run.