this friday I have to attend the wake of a good friend of my brother. I knew him and his family farely well and would this be a regular situation I would be fine, but I'm nervous because he commited suicide, I never knew anybody who's done that and it scares me. it may seem silly to you but I'm seriously lost. How do I act? do I say I'm sorry for your loss? do I shake there hand, hug them? do I bring a mass card? I'm so angry at him! my steps of grieving have gone straight to anger and I just wish I could yell at him. I can't believe he would do this to his family. I don't think I can hide my emotions of anger. maybe I just shouldn't go.
2007-11-15 17:53:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Go to the wake. It's not for the dead person -- it's for those still living and dealing with the aftermath.
Keep your anger to yourself while you hug the family and tell them how very sorry you are. They have their own anger to deal with.
My father committed suicide so I have some experience. It makes others feel very awkward. Just hug them and cry when you feel like it. They won't remember much of the wake later. They are probably still in shock. They will just remember who was there and who hugged them while they experienced terrible grief.
Peace to you all.
2007-11-15 18:20:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you knew the person well, go. The wake is for the living to say "goodbye".
You have a right to any emotion you are feeling. There is no wrong or right reaction/feelings.
I have a hunch though that if you go, you will be able to release much of the weight you feel.
Give and recieve some hugs and cry if you need to.
More than anything, remember that most people there will eventually become angry with him if they aren't already.
It isn't wrong or bad...just a feeling and it will pass as time goes on.
Hang in there!
2007-11-16 03:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by Star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, tell them "I'm so very sorry for your loss."..Hug them. A mass card is always a good choice.
Anger at a suicide is very normal and I'm sure his other friends and family are feeling it as well.
A Different Grief
Survivors of suicide – the family and friends of a person who completes suicide – feel the emotions that death always brings. Adding to their suffering is the shock of a sudden, often unexpected death. As well, they may feel isolated and judged by society, friends and colleagues.
Some people compare the emotional stress to being trapped on an endless roller-coaster.
Survivors may feel:
Guilt, anger, blame, shame, confusion, relief, despair, betrayal.
Abandonment disconnected from their loved one because he or she chose to die.
Consumed by a need to find the meaning and reasons for the suicide.
An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the death.
The suicide was malicious, or a way for the deceased to get back at them.
2007-11-16 02:16:53 · answer #3 · answered by mollyflan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The family really needs you right now. They don't need anything complicated, just your love. Hugs will be very important. Tell them how sorry you are that this happened to them.
You have good reason to be angry with him; likely enough he did this out of spite, at least partly. Suicide is a selfish act. But this isn't what his family needs at the moment. Maybe later, if the time seems right, but be careful.
Focus on the feelings of the family for now, not how you feel about the deceased.
2007-11-16 02:14:51 · answer #4 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just hug them and tell them you are sorry for their loss. Cry with them. Suicide is horrible for the ones left behind, and I am sure the family is feeling a lot of the same things you are. There are many grief forums for families and friends online, and possibly support groups in your area.
2007-11-16 01:59:36 · answer #5 · answered by Shubunkin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our friends don't always tell us everything. Somethings they keep forever. You need to just be u. Do what ever come naturally. Hugs are always the best response. You feel as if your friend betrayed you. And your anger is really hurt. Its okay to feel this way..My prayers go out to you and his family. Find someone to speak with about this.
2007-11-16 02:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by lekeshia s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody knows what to say at a funeral, especially when young people loose their lives and even more so when they take their own. There is nothing you can say to make it any better for his family. Just tell them you are sorry for their loss, and be there to support them if they need you. There isn't much more you can do.
2007-11-16 03:01:13 · answer #7 · answered by munkees81 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can go and console the family by saying few good things.. It will be a relief for you and them..
2007-11-16 02:00:33 · answer #8 · answered by Hari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't go. :(
2007-11-16 02:01:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋