Please help. I am so alone and I can't stop crying.?

Question

My marriage goes through difficult times because we are financially destitute from paying everything we make in legal fees that my husband's ex wife (who he left 14 yrs ago) keeps hounding us with. She's alienated his 15 yr old daughter and now the girl says she hates her dad (my husband) even though he was the most kind, devoted dad ever. We had a bad lawyer while the mega millionaire ex wife had a great one, and she got us sicked with $2000/mo child support for the one daughter plus all her healthcare. We are so desitute from this, we're about to lose our home. We can't afford it but CA has higher child support than any state and is very pro women/mothers and anti men/fathers. The 14 almost 15 yr old daughter says she hates my husband and never wants to talk to him again. Sometimes it's too much for me. I am so alone. I don't know anyone going thru this. I just married him a year ago, 13 yrs after he left his ex wife due to her violent outbursts and anger and now the ex wife is afterme

What can I do? I am so alone. Are there any other women out there who have gone thru a difficult ex wife situation?? We have to put all the child support on credit cards b/c we can't afford it, but according to CA, that's what we have to pay. How can I get over this??? I can't stop crying and my husband is mad at me for calling his daughter a mean self centered brat, because she is the one who told my husband to "**** off" because he wouldn't let her party and smoke pot, so she ran to mom's house. Mom lets her smoke all the pot she wants and mom has a recent drug conviction on her record, but the courts still gave mom custody b/c the daughter is almost 15 and they let her decide. Any suggestions??? I am so alone in this...

The ex wife has been diagnosed as a Borderline Personality (NUT) by 2 court appointed psychologists. I'm a teacher and she doesn't even know me, but she's trying to call every school district in our area with lies, trying to get me fired from teaching jobs. (She can't do this, I don't have a criminal record unlike her, but she is creating embarrassment for me when she calls principals at schools where I work. She is nothing but evil and hate.

Sometimes I just want to die, or leave and go far, far away. I don't understand her hate and then my husband gets mad at me because he is stressed out about what the demonic ex is doing. I feel I can't take it any more.

Al B, we finally do have a good attorney now. We just got a bill from him for almost $10,000 and I don't know how we're going to pay it. My husband won't quality for anything because he makes too much for legal aid, but not enough to be paying all this in legal fees and exhorbitant child support. But thanks for the suggestion.

My husband's not speaking to me cuz I called his daughter a spoiled self centered brat. No matter how bad she stomps on him, he says "it's still my daughter and I love her." I don't get this b/c my own abusive parents threw me out of the house and disowned me at 18 just because I dated someone from another religion. I don't understand my husband's need to keep kissing his daughter's behind and begging her for almost 2 yrs now to please speak to him. Her and her mom just laught at him and call him names. Yet if I feel any anger towards his daughter for what she's put us thru, he yells at me and walks out of the room.

Answer 1

Well, in most court situations, money talks. That's the bad part and why I am in the situation I am in.
You need to somehow prove the mother unfit. Keep calling it in for child abuse. Yes, this is a form of child abuse. Also keep calling the cops and get others to help you if possible. Eventually they will listen and act on it. Once she is tested for drugs, she will get taken from her mother if she comes up possitive. They will then place her in JDC until her father comes and gets her. She will have no choice but to go with her father. They might even put her on house arrest or some other form of punishment if she acts up. Once you have this under your control then you take it all back to court and permanently take the 15 year old from her mother. This is great that the mother is after you because now you can have her arrested for harrassment or assult if she does anything and it will be even better for you in the end. Then you go after her for child support if you want. Since she has millions it should not be a problem for her. Or you could just not take anything from her and write her off. After all this you should move to another state. California is expensive. You need to move to a state where it is not so expensive and away from a big city so the 15 year old can calm down. There are some states still like this. Montana is one of them. Also North and South Dakota and Wyoming and some parts of Oregon.
If the mother is dealing, you might be able to get it set up so she gets caught and gets prison time. This will keep her bad influence away from the 15 year old.
The only other thing I can tell you is that if you can't accomplish this, then quit your jobs, and give up all your expensive things, including your house, move to a state like I told you and just have one of you working so that the support payments will be very cheap ($25-$50 per month) and live in a trailer or cheap apartment. Montana is a state like this. They only go by your husbands income since he is her parent and if it is low then all they get is that. They do not go by your income since you are not the parent. Believe me, all I have said about moving and living cheap for awhile is well worth it. You and your husband can then get back on your feet and in just 3 more years the daughter will be 18 and on her own.
Make sure you save your money and not in a bank. Buy a safe so it cannot be used as income. Once the daughter is 18, but a new house and start over!

This is what happens when you marry a divorced person. You get to deal with all the baggage from the last marriage. I too have been in that situation and still living it, only I am dealing with the new wife instead.

Also try taking all this to the Lord. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I am a born again Christian and I pray about my problems and they seem to just get easier to deal with. Before I was saved, my life was a mess! A big ugly bitter mess! Trust me, you are not the only woman out there who sits and cries because of the problems in her life. I too have been there and it still happens alot.

EDIT: The reason your husband gets angry with your for saying that about his daughter is because that is his only child and even though she treats him bad, he still has hope for her and to him it seems that blood is thicker than water. This can make problems worse, especially if the 15 year old knows it, she might be taking advantage of it.

Also please check out this website. It really gives alot of answers. I say this because you said you wish to die or something.

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com

Email me if you wish.

Answer 2

ive never been in your situation before and i hope that i wont ever be, but maybe you should just visit an attorney and ask what you can do about all the harrassment that this ex-wife is putting towards you. you should make a log about what she does so if something were to happen you have list of things she has done. its probably not going to be worth anything, but you have a tiny evidence that she harrassed you.

as for your husband, smack it to his head that YOU are his WIFE and that this situation is effecting you as much as it effects him. if you want to call his daughter a B***H, then that is how you feel about that little girl. just because thats your husbands daughter doesnt mean that you have to back off and say sorry. and do something about that little girl smoking pot. shes almost 15 yrs old... and she'll probably die at a young age of smokers lungs when shes 40. (just kiddn)...

well thats all i can tell you because ive never bee though your situation...

oh and hey, even though times are rough, look for the positives throughout each day.

Answer 3

Okay, the first thing you have to do is get a better attorney. since you are so broke you should qualify for an attorney from legal aid. Normally, you could perhaps get custody of the daughter because of the mother's drug problems but now I suspect that that best thing that you can do is to notify Children's protective services of the drug use and let them investigate. The daughter may end up in a foster home somewhere but that may be the best thing for her and the only way to get her to get her life together.
As to the mother calling your employers and trying to get you fired, you can file an injunction against her and perhaps even sue for defamation of character.
I hate to say this abut your marriage but it seems to me as if he is perhaps not doing all he can to do something about this situation. I wonder if perhaps during the time before he met you he was still in close touch with his ex and she resents you for that reason and that is why the daughter says she hates him. You have to see an attorney from legal aid and see what can be done and perhaps the Social Services as well and if he is not willing to do those two things, you need to separate and perhaps divorce for your own good and sanity.
Good Luck to you!!

Answer 4

About the ex wife calling around to schools telling them lies about you--- sue her for defamation of character. It's a civil suit and as long as you can gather evidence to support your claim then you will have a good case. I'd call around to different lawyers and see if they would do some pro-bono work on your case with her. Also if you go to the friend of the court and make a motion to have the child support revised then it should lower the monthly payment. They are only supposed to make you pay what you can afford.
As far as your husband and him getting mad at you for voicing your opinion, stop talking about his daughter. When you are mad, say "you know how I feel" and if you want me to not tell you it, then stop taking out your stress on me-- I am your wife and I support you but you are making it hard for me to do that with all of your hostility directed towards me."
If you need to vent, e-mail me because I don't want you killing yourself or going into a deep depression that is hard to get out of. Take care.
Oh and the daughter probably hears the mother talking bad and since she lives with her mom, she mocks her behavior, when you find a lawyer I'd bring that up and make a stipulation that the mother has to go to parenting classes and counseling. I'd also fight for visitation and joint custody.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry Car,
I didn't know things were so rough for you. Tell you what, IM and we'll talk and hopefully figure out a solution. Stay strong. (((HUGS)))

Answer 6

wow yoyour really going through a lot, sorry about that.
have u ever thought about maybe having "evidence" about whats going in your husbands ex-wife house (the smoking illegal drugs) that might help. so the judge can see.
you should really calm down, you can get really sick because of so much stress. it looks like ur husband isn't that stressed out because of it. spend more time with your husband, that will help a lot. i really hope the situation goes well for you and your husband =]

Answer 7

maybe seeing friends daily (going on walks, going out for coffee/lunch etc) would help! feel better! = )

Answer 8

Have a baby, this will change everything.

Answer 9

forgive them and pray for them... trust in the lord.. in his own time he will make things happen {}