do you think your parents are the cause?

Question

i know this guy who when he was young his dad use to belittle him if he failed at something. anytime the dad had a bad day would take it out on the kid, and never was around his kid much. even after work he made the kid stay in after school programs.any little problem and he would just explode on the kid makin him feel bad all the time. one time the kid even made some cookies for the father and the father didnt even touch them. is this normal? the mother left at 2 yo

and the father is a heavy pot smoker

Answer 1

if you mean cause the kid to turn out badly or even nuts.....YES - ABSOLUTELY. If you look closely and honestly at your own upbringing, it may be obvious how much your parents affected you as a child.
But it's an established FACT that wonderful parents produce wonderful kids and horrible parents produce horrible kids.

Answer 2

You've described how the father treated his son but never bothered mentioning what the son is like now and how that behavior manifested through his life thus far. Not knowing the answer I can imagine what the kid must have gone through and what he might be like today!

Yes, the parents are at fault to a degree but there comes a time in everyone's life, in their adult years, where copping to the parents upbringing is no longer a valid reason for their own behavior! There are plenty of people out there to help people like this "guy" you mentioned. I have a feeling the kid was you but even if it isn't, parents have no idea what they do to their children when they behave the way this father did.

The mother leaving when the child was only 2 years old didn't help matters any. In fact, it made things worse for the boy because of the effect her leaving had on himself and his father. The father took all of his pent up anger out on a boy who needed just to be loved and protected.

Answer 3

Yes I think any problem this guy has in the future may be the result of such a father. But having said that I must add that I had a similar childhood and my father ended up committing suicide when I was 12 yrs old. He used to belt us just for the simplest of things even though my brother and I were not naughty little kids. Well my brother could be a handful. He also found my father dead. It screwed him up so bad he turned to pot and hanging around the wrong type of crowd. We moved with our mum and things didn't get much better for him. He also got into heavier drugs. I on the other hand moved out when I was 17, got married at 18 and started having kids at 19. I have now been with hubby for 15 yrs and married for 13 and had 5 kids. My brother has been in trouble with the law, had a string of volatile relationships, one that he had a child with her and is now on his own struggling. I also guess it depends on how you chose to live your life after such battles. I was depressed and shy but pulled myself out of it. But having a crappy childhood can make an impact on what you do in you life.

Answer 4

This sounds familiar.My life.I am 42 and know exactly what it means not 2 have a father. My best friends dad was my father. I waited till I was older to confront him, things are working out very slowly, but it is a slow moving process. Yes, I believe it is the cause, because our parents do not know any better. In the sense of progression, they could only teach us what they learned and knew from their parents. I can only can say have patients.

Answer 5

It sounds like parents who became parents before they were ready to be.It also sounds like the dad needs to put down the pot and start trying to talk to the kid like an adult.Unfortunately,when people become parents too soon,the child is the one who becomes the adult.The plus side is,it doesn't sound like the dad is physically harming the child.Maybe this kid needs to encourage dad to seek help for his pot problem,and ask his father why his mother wants nothing to do with him.

Answer 6

His dad was a jerk and how you raise a kid DETERMINES how they turn out CONTRARY to the idiot psychologist say.
However once that kid gets to be say.... 25 he needs to realize GOD loves him regardless of whether anyone else does or not, which I am sure there are some who do.
He can also do things different than either of his parents, just because he had a bad childhood does NOT mean his whole life has to be shot.

Answer 7

What you described is emotional abuse and YES it can have lasting effects on people. I would urge your friend to get some counselling and work through some of his issues.

People might tell you that we can't blame our parents but that's nonsense - it is the early years that shape us and form our own opinions of ourselves. Abused kids grow up with low self-esteems etc. As an adult we can make the choice to get help but parents can do loads of damage.

Answer 8

I think having abusive parents, whether emotional or physical, can be very difficult.
However people still have free will. You have choices in life. So if this kid winds up having trouble with the law or ends up emotionally abusing his own kids… He has no one to blame but himself.

Answer 9

Not normal at all, and it will cause problems. I am not sure if the guy's parents are to blame or if he just is having a hard time handling a child on his own.

Answer 10

You offer two questions: "do you think your parents are the cause?"

"is this normal?"

Are my parents the cause of ---------? Nonsensical.

is this normal? Referencing the behavior of the father portrayed: hardly.

Sounds to me as if the father is very angry with someone other than his son, and is simply displacing this anger on to his son. I would guess, his father.

Wotan