Racial tension from his mom. Serious replies only please?

Question

I'll be having a baby soon with my hubby. His mom is completely against our being together due solely to my skin color--I'm Black, he's White. Does anyone have any ideas about how to get her to come around for her grandchild's sake? I don't want to have to tell him/her she's dead (at least to me.) His dad doesn't seem to have a problem with me after all these years.
Note: I will not have my child exposed to her racism under any circumstances.

Answer 1

Then she can go to hell. Your baby deserves better. Don't let her anywhere near the house or your child.

Answer 2

mixed relationships are still very taboo, whether its right or wrong. in my opinion, as long as you love each other and treat each other with respect, thats the most important thing. my husband on the other hand, thinks its wrong no matter how good you are to each other. and yes we have had to deal with the issue first-hand. his daughter went thru a stage or whatever where the only guys she liked were black guys. it got so bad that she even moved out and went back to live with her mother. but now, shes back with us, and she talks to several white guys, but she doesnt have a boyfriend. my husband says its not gonna happen in his house, and thats what he means. when she moves out on her own, what she does is her business, but he's told her that if she gets with a black guy, he's not welcome in our house, nor would any mixed children they might have together. ive had people tell me he'd change his mind if it came down to it, but i honestly dont know if he would or not. he has his principles and he stands on them firmly. everything is black/white with him, no pun intended. there is no gray area. soemthing is either right or wrong. to him there is no circumstance that would make something wrong be okay. and to him, thats just one of those things.
all that being said, if hubby's mom sees things the same way, theres really nothing you can do but love your child, and one day explain to him that some people dont understand the things other people do. at the same time, let your child be exposed and have relationships with all the "adopted" family you can find. there are plenty of people who will accept your child and love him no matter what. let your child call them nana and papa or whatever. relationships are made by the heart, not just by blood. the love is whats important.
if mom never changes her mind, well thats just her loss. your child can have all the grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. in the world. he doesnt necessarily need her.
personally, my parents both dies when i was young, so i have adopted several people into my life that i think of as parents adn grandparents.

Answer 3

Hmm there is not much you can do. I am black engaged to a white guy and his parents are mean racist and would say anything under the sun that can hurt but i ignored them cuz i felt i am above all that racism. I never replied once to any of their insults, though it was hard. I made sure my partner knew it was not ok with me, and i left it up to him to deal with his parents his own way. Now his parents realize i would not be bothered by them, and they are the ones missing out of our lives and are trying to get on my good side. You should not have to struggle to get someone to accept you, be you do not let them bring you down with their negativity, when she realizes you don't care either way if she is in your life or not, i bet you she would want to change. People like that thrive on knowing that when they do something to you, it affects you, if you show it does not affect you then they would want to try something else and usually that is something positive. You are at least lucky that his father is not like her, and when she feels alone with her negativitiy, she would change.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you are two peas in a pod. You say you will not have your child exposed to racism under any circumstances. You say you would tell your kids she is dead if she does not change her opinion. How about you accept her for who she is and for what she believes and you ask her to do the same for you. You are the one who is going to be setting the example for your kids. I do not think you will be doing a great job when they find out you shut your mother-in -law out of your and their life because you did not agree with her opinions. Your kids will have minds of their own and will be fully capable of understanding that there are people in this world who judge people, they will face this many times in their lives. Teach your kids to be tolerant and to accept others for who they are. That is what you want her to do, right? You need to do it first. I am sure it is easier said then done but who is to say she does not feel as strongly about her beliefs as you do about yours. Your kids will learn more from you about tolerance if you show them how to love people even when they don't fully deserve it.

Answer 5

I'm in the same boat. i let my father take his time getting used to the fact that his grandchild is mixed he has pics of her in his house and now hes ready to have a relationship with his granddaughter it took for 4 yrs. so give the grandmother time she will come around. be glad that your baby has his/her grandfather and your parents in his/her life. let your baby know that's your grandma don't ever say anything to her about the baby being mixed & needs to be in the babys life she will look like and feel like an *** if you and your bf keep your cool about this. everything will be alright in the end.

Answer 6

If the woman has a heart it will melt when her grandson/grand-daughter enters into this world,if it doesn,t then it never will so I would keep my child as far away as possible.I must be very naive what is the difference what colour you are ? are most americans racist I noticed alot on here at one stage ? I think thats why I never want to leave Australia,everone here is just so laid back.Back to your question if your husband understands why you dont want your child around racists you have nothing to worry about.Congratulations On Bubs.....Good Luck .....Liz.

Answer 7

Show her in the Bible where GOD only commanded people not to intermarry for RELIGIOUS reasons of which skin color was NEVER a part of. A lot of the people the Israelites were commanded not to intermarry with were the same color.Also Moses was a Hebrew and his wife a cushite (Ethiopian).

Answer 8

no longer that i'm conscious of, and that i've got been right here in view that 1974. community Australians, as you call them, are actually not 'whites' yet are Aboriginal human beings. They have been in Australia 70,000 years in the past, and are nonetheless right here. we've super migrant communities from international, from Europe (uk, eire, Germany etc), many human beings from the Lebanon, India, China, Turkey, Indonesia, Vietnam. we are a very multi-cultural country. Many, many languages are spoken right here.

Answer 9

Well it sounds like you have been with her son for long enough she should come to terms with it...maybe after there is a baby she will come around..babies do that to people sometimes..

Answer 10

No ideas. And sorry, but I agree with her. I don't believe in mixed marriages.

Wotan