How do I deal with my parents while living at home?

Question

I am a 23 female who just graduated college in the spring. I am currently a grad student and a full time employee. I live at home both to save money and because I do not want to live alone and no one else I know is ready to move out yet. I have plans with a friend to move out this summer, however until then I need some help. My parents still treat me as the CHILD. I know that I am the child to them, but I need to be treated as an equal and talking to them about it doesn't work and paying them rent will defeat one of the reasons for living at home. I already keep my room neat, do my own laundry and make my own lunches. Is there anything else I can do to be seen as an equal rather than a child in the house?

**Just an FYI - it is not their "rules" that are frustrating me, its mostly the way that I am spoken to. We get along great otherwise, it is just that when i first come home if i am not in a great mood, everyone is like ooooo what's wrong??!? And I just had a nice 14 hour day of work and school, I am not in the mood to chat. That is really the thing that bothers me, not their "rules".

Answer 1

Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do but grin and bear it. Parents will always be parents and in their home, it will always be "their rules." I've seen parents act like this with their adult children when those children are well into their 40s and had to return home for whatever reason.

If you can, speak with them and explain how it makes you feel. Ask them what would make them treat you as the adult you are and not the child they see. They might not even realize what they're doing since they're simply used to treating you a certain way.

Biggest thing...remember that you will be on this earth a long time after they've moved on. So, cherish this time with them even if it is frustrating and know that they only do it out of love. Cheers.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are doing the same things that my 15 year old daughter does. Keeps her room clean, does her laundry, makes her own lunch. You have not taken on any of the adult responsibilities of a home. I understand you do not want to pay rent, but there are some things you can do that may help you be seen as an equal. List all of the things your Mom and Dad do on a daily basis that benefit the household. Shopping, cleaning, paying bills, yardwork, repairs, scheduling service on vehicles etc. Take on some of these chores. My son lives at home and he is 19. He takes care of all the cars, he brings them in for service (he schedules it) he checks the tires, has them cleaned, gases them weekly etc. He also does most of the grocery shopping. He has done these things now for about 2 years and I have learned that I can count on him. He has become reponsible and he makes all of the decisions. I do not give him a list of things to buy and I do not question when he gets new tires etc even though I pay for it. Your parents will treat you as a child until they see that you are making good, adult decisons. I will assume that you are not doing things like staying out all night, bringing boys home, spending outside your budget etc. If you are, you have a long way to go before you will not be seen as a child.

Answer 3

Ok you may do all those things but do you contribute money for the food you eat and the laundry detergent you use as those things are not free. Plus paying board is what most young adults do. I would imagine this is one reason why your parents treat you this way. At your age you should know better that even though you are trying to save money, your parents have been supporting you for too long. Keeping your room clean and doing your own washing is commendable but my 11 and 13 yr old do that now. Plus I had to pay my mother board when I was 14 as I had a job. Even though I did all the housework, washing, ironing and most of the cooking at 14yrs of age. Ask them if they will treat you any different if you contributed to the house in other ways such as I have stated and you might just be surprised at their reactions. They might just treat you like the adult you want to be treated like if they see you act like one. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you are living under their roof rent free you are not their equal and should not be expected to be treated as such. Equality can not be obtained in a parent-offspring relationship without independence and even then it's tough.

I would go out of my way to spend as little time there as possible. Try to help out as much as possible when you are there and hide the rest of the time until you get your own place. No one wants an adult loafing around on their dime. I am not saying you are doing this but don't even let it APPEAR like you ever are. And DON'T COMPLAIN. I know I wouldn't want to hear it if my kid were living at home and not paying rent or buying food.

Answer 5

Hey, you will always be their child--even when you are fully grown and out of their place. It's their home and part of the process of getting on your own is a mutual contempt of each other. It does not mean that they don't love you or you them.

You need to make more room between them and you. It should be easy since you work full time and go to grad school.

If your parents treat you as a child, you do not have to respond like a child.

The best way to show them that you are an equal is to be an equal--move out.

Answer 6

If your living at home and not contributing to the household, then you are still acting like a child that needs to be taken care of. If you want to be treated like an adult, take on some responsibility and help out with the bills. Food isn't free you know.

Answer 7

I have been on both sides of this situation. I have lived at home after being grown, and had my children move home and want to be treated as equal. First, it is hard for mom's to remember that you are grown, but in my case my children had their job, wanted to eat what I cooked, but never washed dishes. They bought groceries and if my husband or I asked to have some too, you would have thought we asked to borrow a million dollars. They came and went without regard to us, fine, but then if we left and they could not get in the house, (they lost the key, left if at home) then they would get all upset. Equality come with respect, respect is earned by respecting yourself and others. Don't know your situation, but know that parents and grown children don't usually have an easy time of living in harmony together, we are always parents.

Answer 8

Pay 25.00 a week rent. Buy your own food and your own laundry supplies. If you want to be seen as an equal then you must contribute to the household. Its simple and you are old enough to do that now. THey took care of you for 23 years and I don't think giving them 100.00 a month and buying your own food and your own supplies will put too much of a damper on your finances. Its your responsibility as an ADULT

Answer 9

How old are you? Are you still in high school? If under 18 she has the right to check in on you without you knowing especially is she is suspecting anything. Your parents are just trying to protect you. If you are over 18. Then move out if you don't want her involved in your life.

Answer 10

This is really only a minor problem. You live in their house and you don't pay rent and probably nothing else. Your complaining about them not treating you equally. Ofcourse they're not going to if you eat and live there for free. Until you help paying for things they are going to treat you like this for as long as your there.