Is she just lazy or a slow learner, 5 year old with speech problems?

Question

my 5 year old step-daughter is in kindergarten and has problems with the way she speaks. My husband and i correct her as much as possible but she doesnt take it serious. For example she says things like " Her gave me a book", (instead of "she gave me a book") and " Can were go" (instead of "can we go") and lastly "what are there doing" (instead of "what are they doing"). The childs mother is no help at all, she makes excuses for the child and is not willing to help. Recently my husband and i went to the childs school to ask for the teachers help in which they are more than willing. they also informed us that they too are having problems with the mother helping the child. We feel useless in helping this child because when she goes back with her mother and all of our effort went out the window. The mothers excuse is "she's just a baby" and she says we "pick" on the child by pushing her to learn. any opinions welcome.

Thanx for the input so far. Some of you say that i dont have any say in doing this but im trying to help my step daughter and my husband cannot do this alone. And i have no issues with the che child my main issue is with the mother and her lack of parenting. We requested a speech therapist asses her but id like some help while we are waiting and while she is with us.

I also have a 7 year old daughter who is on the honor roll in 2nd grade and she loves to help her. she tries to teach her to read and write her name and letters. we are trying to help her as much as possible it just upsets me when parents are not willing to help their children and expect other people to do it for them.

LIfeisgrand: She can only count up to 6. we recently went over her quarterly report card with her teacher and she is not doing well at all. She has a very hard time remembering the alphabet.

Answer 1

Relationships with step children, their Dads and their Moms are fraught with difficulty. I hope you haven't been put in a position where you are the main person advocating for this child. As a step parent sometimes when we think we are being helpful and supportive the other parent and even sometimes the one we are married to, take offense, feel attacked and present themselves in oddly difficult positions. Certainly her mother loves her, and is responding as though she feels attacked and as though she feels you and your husband are attacking her daughter. I would suggest you step back and help your husband take the lead with your step child's mother. There are lots of issues involved and you can be a friend to the child not a parent, that is until you have established a good relationship. I don't know how long you've been a step parent but it isn't easy because your relationship with a step child is not a natural one. You really aren't her mother even though you may love her. So...maybe suggesting that she get speech therapy from professionals would be a good idea. She may be speaking the way she does to get all of her parents "going" as in reacting, paying attention to her, and she may not even know she is doing it. Her mother may be right in that once all the emotion settles down your step daughter will speak the way you want her too. The child may also just be playing a not very enjoyable game with the words. Maybe you could play some fun word games that don't require correction of her grammar or any kind of correction at all and she may find that speaking clearly can be fun! Your husband should talk with her mother about her academic development. There are a large number of tutoring groups that help even young children in a non "judgemental" way and could give you a good idea about her development, (Sylvan is one). She is only five, yes she has lots to learn, but she needs a good emotional life to be a good learner. I know its hard to be a good step parent, you can help influence her Dad but there are so many emotions involved sometimes its really really hard and yes us step parents need to sometimes bite out tongues. I hope this is helpful and doesn't increase your frustration.

I just read your comments, and I'm not suggesting you not help, but unfortunately you can't control what happens at her mom's house and the best you can do is do what you are doing and not let that frustration leak out too much. Many children in "blended" families learn there are rules for one place that don't translate to another, just like your 7 year old knows how to act at home and at school and with her friends. All different rules of behavior, speech and thought. If you can
treat her mom with respect and kindness she may feel less threatened and maybe see your concerns as important to her daughter. Its not always easy but befriending a step child's mother is a good idea. I've been there, its not always easy but its possible.

Answer 2

I would suggest you have her hearing and speech accessed by a licensed therapist just to make sure there are no barriers in these areas.

Does she speak quickly? If so, it may be that she has so much to say that she is not speaking slowly enough to form her words properly or form her sentences properly - my son had this problem until second grade. We finally learned to make him slow down and then his speech made a dramatic improvement.

If testing proves that this little girl has no physiological reasons that prevent the improvement of her speech I would consider asking the school to assist you in gaining custody of her and getting her into speech therapy in order to address this problem while she is still very young.

Don't expect her to use perfect grammar at such a young age, my grand daughter has just turned 14 and I still correct her from time to time. Try rewarding her when her grammar is correct rather than pushing too hard when she makes mistakes.

Choose a phrase or two at a time and she will not feel overwhelmed by your expectations. As she learns to read she will learn to pronounce many of those words correctly due to phonics.

Good luck

Answer 3

keep teachin her and she will come around. Get her father to bevery involved because the mother may tell her not to listen to you and that could be why it goes away after visits with the mother. The mother sounds like she has a grudge against you or her ex husband. Just don't focus on the negative stuff her mother feeds you. With a little more time and effort she will notice the difference in how things sound. Also help her to advance her reading skills. That should put a big boost in her correctness. Especially if she has a favorite book. Point out examples in the book and use characters she likes adn she will relate to the characters and try to imitate them.

Answer 4

Her father has the right to insist on extra help at school. It is not picking on her to force her to use proper speech. Her mother will only be hurting her in the long run when she reaches the higher grades that require and deduct off of work for improper use or sentence form/structure. Mom may still be looking at her as a baby but she is not doing her any favors. All you can do is have Dad get her the extra help (he has the right to have the school do this) and enforce it when she is at your home. There really isn't anything you can do about the mom. It's not a form of neglect or abuse. Just stupid parenting on her part.

Answer 5

it's a combination of lack of individual attention to this child from both her teachers and her parents. i understand that you don't have her full-time, but if you make it a "fun" or "rewarding" experience for her, she'll be more eager to retain what you teach her while you have her. try to make it a game to work on her vocabulary and grammar. when she completes a sentence correctly, award a gold star or a sticker to her, say, adding it to a tally sheet you could make to post on your refrigerator. when she earns 5 stars, maybe she wins a whole roll of stickers or even some little trinket young girls her age like. ten stars would warrant a trip to the mall so she can pick out whatever she wants valued at up to $10. quality, not quantity, really and truly does help. i did these sorts of things with my daughter (my husband and i did, actually, yes, we're still together, our daughter is grown and has given us our first grandchild, and our daughter was on the honor roll her whole time in school up to graduation). the need for this extra attention came from her getting bored in class, yes, because the material was too far behind her level of knowledge. it can be the same way with any child who has a good foundation to cultivate her academic career. hope this helped you, and please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions. blessed be.

Answer 6

She could be a slower learner. My oldest has speech delay because of the cleft palate so I can't understand him. My youngest is speech delay has well. He three but he has hearing loss. When he started hearing aid's. But you need to talk to her doctor. If the mom not going to teach her then something else could be getting. I think youe husband need to try to get full custody. The child should be learning. I been working with both of my kids with talking when the age of 2 and still am. She should be eligible for speech therapy.

Answer 7

id say give her until first grade
if she dosn't improve by then then you know it is an actual speech problem, not laziness
she should want to correct herself because her classmates will make jokes about her (i know its a horrible way to teach a littler kid but with the moms noncooperation it seems like the logical thing to do) im not saying to stop correcting her by all means continue
and try flash cards and reading out loud both to her and her to you
hopefully her mom will realize how she is disabling the child by treating her as if she is still learning her first words

Answer 8

Assuming your husband has shared custody have him fill out the forms requesting that the child be evaluated. This kind of immature speech is often an indicator of learning disabilities.

Answer 9

Repetition is what counts. My 10 year old Granddaughters occasionally do this, keep correcting her and do not make it unpleasant.
Explain and keep it up. They do not learn instantly, especially when they are around teachers and other children with poor grammar.

It drives me MAD also. For the next 17 years learning is her job.

Answer 10

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