Does bossy mother in law = bossy wife?

Question

I have noticed that more and more over the years, my mother in law treats my father in law like a little kid. She argues with him in front of me over every little tiny thing, accuses him of being mean, and belittles him. A few times I actually felt like telling her to shut up and lighten up. Because if she's just kidding around, then she's not funny. That's problem number one.

Problem number two (and more importantly) over the last year I see my wife starting to do the same things here and there. I'll ask her to do something and she'll argue with me in front of other people making it look like what I am asking is stupid or something. She corrects me if I tell a story slightly wrong, and challenges me in front of friends and family. And I'm worried that my wife is slowly turning into my mother in law. Which is the LAST friggin thing in the world I want.

How do I make it all stop?

Answer 1

Call your wife by her mother's name. Tell her she acts just like her.

Answer 2

I can relate. My FIL does this to MIL. Husband can do the same to me. Look, don't confront your wife in front of everyone (no matter who much you want to tell her to SHUT UP). You'll have to take up this matter privately and tell her what's going on. Don't let your temper get the best of you (because you WILL want to tell her off in the event she doesn't agree). The code word idea sounds good. Remember that this behavior has been part of the family for a VERY long time. You can't change your in-laws, but you can work on the relationship between you and your wife.

Answer 3

Take her to visit your in laws, afterwards, point out that the way your mother in law treats your father in law is wrong.
Tell her she is beginning to act like her mother and you wont put up with it as long her dad has, that there ARE other women in the world who would be grateful for a good man.
Also tell her once her dad realizes this, her mother will be alone and probably die alone unless he goes first, then she will get to think back of all the times she treated him so disrespectfully.

Answer 4

I agree with the first guy. My husband's friend has a wife who complains, argues and nags at him over every little thing. And when I get that way when I've had a bad day, he calls me by her name and I realize what I'm doing. It makes me mad, but I think about what's going on.

Overall...just talk to her and tell her what you've noticed and how it makes you feel. If she doesn't stop, seek counseling. If it still doesn't stop, get a lawyer. Don't live life unhappy.

Answer 5

LOL!:). It's funny but it's not. We, of course, are all individuals but we also are products of our up bringing and environment.
When neither one of you are angry or fighting, the two of you need to sit down and talk about your concerns and fears. She may be aware and afraid of the resemblance herself or she may be completely unaware.
When she acts this way, especially in front of people, you need a code word or something to let her know that she is going over board. At home when things happen, handle them right then. Like, "I don't like it when you talk to me that way." or "I'm not a child and I don't appreciate your tone etc..," and then move on. It doesn't have to turn into a big argument.
If that doesn't work, try marital counseling.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

First of all, I like your avatar (Go Chargers!)

Secondly, I am in your same boat. My husband was doing things that his mother does - and his mother has serious issues. I told him how I felt about it, and my husband has such a distaste for his mother that he actually went to therapy to discuss his childhood and how it's affecting him now! It was a grand repsonse that I didn't expect!
Anyway, if you point it out to your wife, she might not be happy to hear it. Chances are she was subject to her mom's bad traits and was a victim of it herself many times. She might empathize with what it's like to be on the receiving end of it and put a stop to it. If not, maybe marriage counseling would help.

Answer 7

Re: your in-laws. They have set up this dance and they aren't going to change it. Unfortunately it's painful to witness a harpy/doormat interaction. But this is how they want it.

Re: your wife. I agree with the person who suggested a code word that you can use to let her know that you're starting to feel irked. She can use it with you as well, so it's equal. It's easy to fall into our parents' behavior without realizing it. We don't want to be slammed for doing it, but a gentle reminder is certainly appropriate.

Answer 8

Can you talk to your wife? Not when you are angry or having a fight with her? I hope it will help.
People generally listen better if you start with " I feel.... when you tell me...." However you have to be in a good mood and have a good will to have a productive conversations, it is a very important issue in your Family relationships.
Good luck!

Answer 9

Marriage is communication. Tell her how you feel maybe she don't realize that she is doing it and you both can come up with a way to signal that she is getting to be acting bossy or what not.

Answer 10

Talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. Communication is the key.