Ways of dealing with grief?

Question

I've lost 3 people in 2 months. The first 2 were my friends from high school. Both of them died in separate car accidents. Both were 22. The third was my friend's mom who I was pretty close to. she died of cancer. I talked with a pastor at the mom's funeral and I felt much better. But then the next day I started to crumble again. All I've done right now is curl up on my bed, squeeze a stuffed animal and cry. At the same time my eating and shopping habits seem to be getting a little out of control. I seem to be eating whatever I want whenever I want. I spent 4 months trying to lose 15 pounds and since the 2nd friend died I've pretty much gained it all back. I have near perfect credit and I usually wait for the deal of a lifetime before I buy something. Now it's just like I want it NOW. I can still pay my bills in full but I'm using the money that I usually invest every month on junk. How to I get out of all this?

I keep feeling that at my age I should be attending weddings and baby showers, not funerals.
Also how do I explain my grief to my parents? They usually sense when there's something wrong especially when I cry a lot but they haven't said a word in all of this.

I'm not a religious person. The pastor was actually my other friend's dad and he gave a really comforting eulogy so i decided to talk with him.
Also I feel like the shopping and eating partly is to replace the loss. The other part I feel is, both my friends were 22 and died in car accidents. I'm 22 so what are the chances I'm going to die in one soon. might as well get everything I want before my life ends.

Answer 1

First of all, I salute you for recognizing your pain, your situation and reaching out for help. Grief is the natural response to loss. You have experienced a severe and life-shaking loss. From your statement about talking to a pastor I will assume that you are Christian. Although Jesus has promised that we will meet those we have lost in Heaven, that will not stop the incredible loss you feel right now. Acknowledge your loss. Start to journal. Write what you remember most about your friends and what you are afraid of forgetting. Create a time to remember in your life. Whether that is lighting a candle at a certain time, keeping a photograph in a special place or talking about the people you have lost with someone, find an outlet. What concerns me about your question is that it sounds like you may be depressed as well. Depression is common after a loss and the increased eating and shopping is a sign. Depression is a disease, it is not a choice nor it is a sign of physical weakness. Please consider seeing a health care provider to evaluate whether you are depressed and perhaps consider finding a counselor to whom you can talk out your grief and find a way of moving forward. I pray that you may find hope and healing.

Answer 2

My grandmother always told us when she passed on to throw a party for her. She didn't want us crying and being sad because she was in a better place. But when she died last year before Christmas, that's exactly what I did. Nonstop for weeks. I could barely function. I still cry whenever I think of her, like now. Grief takes a long time to run it's course, and there's many different ways of dealing with it. What works for one may not work for another.

Answer 3

I dont know if there really is a way to deal with it. I lost my great grandmother Oct. 13th, and my grandma is and has been battling cancer since Feb, with the outcome not so good. I understand exactly, to the point what you are talking about. I threw myself into work. That didnt help. I'll just start crying out of nowhere. The best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with close friends and give it time.
I am so, so sorry for your losses.
I hope things get better for you.

<3 <3

Answer 4

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. My aunt is going through this right now. Your shopping habits have changed because you are trying to replace the loss. It doesn't work. My aunt goes out shopping and buys something everyday! It's been 6 months and trust me she still hasn't changed. You can't replace food and shopping for the death of a loved one. You know it's wrong that's why you asked for help. Your pain will subside, but it will take time. Just try to open up to your parents also. They are probably waiting for you to come to them. It will be okay. Good luck!

Answer 5

I agree with the King. Talking about the people you lost provides the quickest healing. When my sister died of cancer 3 years ago it was awful. I put together all of the things I wanted to say about and to her on paper, then I read it to everyone at her funeral. The act of doing that lifted a huge weight off my mind and I've been more or less okay with it ever since.

If nothing else, just put all those thoughts about those people going through your mind on paper. That in and of itself is healing.

Answer 6

I have a Psych degree and I lead bereavement groups for kids, teens, and young adults for a local hospice program. If you want to contact me through email or IM, I would be more than happy to talk to you. Lots of things that you can do to help, but it's much easier to have an interaction where I can ask you questions and you can ask me questions. Let me know if you'd like me to help.

Answer 7

talking is the key and try not to spend alot of time alone. when ur alone your mind races more.. i know where your coming from and time is the only cure for grief.. try to occupy your time with friends and family and try to to go any place you can spend money. stay home watch a movie with them..