I feel so upset inside for my daughter..How do I handle this black and white situation.plz everyone help..?

Question

I watch my sisters kids (who are 3 1/2 and 5) every Wednesday for her and yesturday I was giving them a bath and the 3 1/2 year old one looked at my daughter and said "Why is ____ black?" My daughter is White/Black (I am white and my Fiance is black). When he said that I was completely shocked. He does live and go to preschool in a predominatly white neighborhood but their parents have friends that are black and have had them over. Anyways, I never thought I'd have to explain to my daughter why she is darker than mommy or not as dark as daddy at the age of 2. I DON'T plan on talking to her about it now because I want her to just enjoy her toddler years and she didn't even notice what he said nor did she comprehend it but how do I manage my thoughts about it. Inside I got mad at him for asking WHY she is a certain way. I just can't believe things like this start at such a young age. I know both are too young to know better so plz don't say that I just feel so bad for my daughter

I think, in some way, I was taken out of porportion (spelling). I never showed the 3 1/2 year old that I was angry. I just got upset INSIDE because I already assumed her life would be hard through racism and I just never expected it to be at the age of 2. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying the 3 year old was being rasict but it was the first time, EVER, I was asked about her skin color. So far there have been a lot of different answers that have been great so it will be hard to select best answer. It is true I must think of a fun way to incorprate her heritage. I am very proud of who she is and who I am and who her father is. Thanks for the advice so far.

Answer 1

When my son was that age he asked me why one of his friends had dark skin. I said, " because his mother and father have dark skin ". That was the last he ever mentioned it. Kids are a lot smarter than most folks realize. It's when the school system gets them they start to turn into little "A" holes.

Answer 2

Gosh, I don't see the Boo,HAHA about this at all. The three year old is in the phase of "why" question. I have a 3 1/2 now and she ask why all the times. Why God, Why the tree has leaves, why your hair is long, why do I have to eat, why daddy is going to work, why, why, why? Mind you she's mixed African/Asian. She knows she not exactly black or like mom, but they ask is daddy brown, or whatever. I don't make it such a big deal out of it. I just tell her the truth and that's all there is to it. Kids will be kids, they will have more questions about everything else as well, so this is not something you should be shock!

Get over the black and white thing please ,people in this damn country made such a BIG issue with this. I'm tired of this stuff, just live your life and raise your family to the best of your ability.

Answer 3

God makes no mistakes. Everyone that is here has a purpose. Yours is to be the best parent you can be. Raise your child with love and tolerance. Simple explanations suffice at her young age. God chose to have some people be darker skinned then others. No judgmental decisions here. Simple answers work for young minds. Raising her to be tolerant of other races - whether they are black, white, yellow, fat, skinny, tall or short. It doesn't matter. Everyone is a person - distinct in their own way. He did nothing wrong - he merely asked a question - that needed a simple answer. Don't put more into this than it needs. You have the tools within you to deal with this or you would not have chosen to have a fiance who is of another race. You don't live in an isolated world - and you shouldn't. Remember the age here, simple answers work best. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I don't think this is as alarming a situation as you seem to think. Children are curious about differences. The child probably wondered why your daughter is darker than you, not understanding that kids are made of BOTH their parents. We don't need to pretend that everyone looks the same in order to get rid of racism. It should be the same as explaining why a child has blue eyes like mommy and a nose like daddy's. I understand that many biracial families face prejudice but I don't think this example quite qualifies.

Answer 5

I think that you're reading adult predjudices into a child's innocent and natural curiosity.

Kids just want to understand why things are the way they are. They notice differences & want to figure them out.

I think it's a simple enough thing to answer so that a child will understand. And, I think it's a good thing for your child to understand in a simple natural biology way, too. Why would she enjoy her toddler years any less if she understood her heritage & her family?

You say, "Mommy's skin is pink. Daddy's skin is brown. Your skin is a mix between brown and pink because you were made by me and daddy together. Isn't that cool the way it works?"

I think you're overreacting here.

Answer 6

It's a typical 3 year old question - along w/ "why do I have brown hair if you have red hair and daddy has black hair?" and "I like your hair - especially the shiny silver ones".

So just explain that she's a combination of her parents, or if you want to get "technical" explain that we all have "stuff" in our skin that makes it the color it is - and some of us have a lot, and some have a little, and some have spots (freckles) and the sun sometimes makes people darker.

Answer 7

You shouldn't really feel bad about that, the child was not TRYING to be hurtful. That's just the age where children are curious and they want to know why things are different or the same or what's going on. You should just tell him, "That's because her mommy is white and her daddy is black." That's the way it is, and chances are, he'll forget about it after he knows why. Good luck!

Answer 8

At that age, the child just wants a simple answer. Your daughter is black because her daddy is black and she looks like her daddy. You shouldn't be angry with the 3 year old for asking. It is a perfectly normal question. At least he didn't ask why she didn't have a penis.

Answer 9

You can say "that is the way God made her" Don't be mad at the child for making an observation. I imagine you have many years of people thinking the same thing. I am not biracial and do not have biracial friends or family (coincidence not prejudice) so I don't know anything else to tell you.

Answer 10

It sounds like you are the one who is overly sensitive about this. I agree that a 3yr old child is after the easy answer. Because everyone is unique, she is a mix between uncle and auntie, isn't she beautiful? Any of those answers would make the boy happy. I understand you wanting to protect your child but I know that the remark your nephew made was out of curiosity plain and simple.