Who to believe?

Question

i have been dating this guy on an off for about a year and a half. We have been getting alot closer within these past few months and i am thinking about taking it a little further ( boyfriend/sex). However i just found out that he may have possibly slept with the mutual friend who introduced us. She told one of my other girl friends that it happened and in turn my girl friend told me. He denies it wholeheartedly and in my heart i believe him. I am not naive, its just actions speak louder than words. He has spent numerous nights over my house (and vise versa) and has never pressured me for sex. He's very patient with me and respectful that i like to take things slow. Now we have never been exclusive and i am sure that he has had sex with other girls, which i dont care about...its just to do it with one of my friends is a no no. Basically im trying to get down to the bottom of it...i dont know who to believe....any suggestions on what i should do??

Answer 1

It sounds like you are not quite convinced that this guy is telling the truth. What would be her motive for telling another friend a possible lie? Is it because she is jealous, wants him or maybe she wanted you to know but did not have the guts to tell you directly.

Be careful! If this guy is willing to lie to you over something that can cause a friendship to be strained, then you need to be concerned about his character and what else he is willing to do in order to get what he wants.

I think if you really believe a relationship with this guy is worth pursuing anyway, then you should confront this friend of yours and get this all out before you invest yourself further into the relationship.

The initial questions should be: How does SHE feel about this guy? What would she think of you and him as a couple? Then ask her straight up if they have ever been intimate. Do not approach her like you think she is a whore that will make her feel defensive. Just emphasize that you are friends and you do not want any bad blood between you over who you date and that do you want to be made a fool of either.
Pay close attention to how she responds and see if it adds up.

The friend that tipped you off should not have a problem confirming what she told you if the source question comes up.

P.S. A true gentleman respects ALL women no matter the circumstances on all levels.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I'm not trying to stereotype anyone, but don't EVER believe anything a guy tells you!!!
Most of the time when you let someone get to close and you put your full trust into them, you'll get hurt when that trust is broken. If you reserve the thought that something could always go wrong, then you wouldn't be as disappointed when it happened.
I'm not saying to keep everyone at a distance, just always be ready for disappointment. If you're not disappointed with someone, that just makes your world even better.

Answer 3

Well, I happen to believe that honesty and trust is the foundation of the whole relationship. I don't know why your so called, "FRIENDS" would outright lie to you about your friend sleeping with your boyfriend unless they were intentionally trying to break you up. However, I don't know what kind of guy he is but a lot of men are notorious for lies. If he feels that admitting his actions is going to effect yours and his relationship in a negative way...why would he tell you the truth? I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you. This is your call babe. Trust him.

Answer 4

yeah, dont believe him. Obviously she isnt telling u directly like just trying to make you jealous. U should talk to her. he prolly aint pressuring you for sex cuz he's getting it from somewhere else like ur friend. I know you want to believe the best but 99% of the time youll get ur heart broken. Talk to her and if you want to go ahead and take it to the next level with out knowing for sure then that's something your gonna have to accept. Good luck

Answer 5

Ask her directly. You've probably known your friend longer than you've been with this boy.
If you've found out through the grapevine, your info might not be right. Go directly to the source. If she won't answer you, consider it a YES.

Make the task even simpler, don't have sex with anyone unless you marry them first. Then, the other things won't be issues. He is commited to you or he isn't.

Answer 6

well the thing is that this has happened to me too!! in the end when she denied it and he denied to to the point where they were like this just whole bunch of bull! and i was fed up but in the end the question is do you really want to be with him?? i mean u say u have deep feelings for him and are ready to take the next step with him, and i believe that if your ready to take that step then u r and should be ready to trust and believe what he is saying! and your homegurl that told you this might just be jealous of u and him...loook into it girl it'll be alright!!

Answer 7

The past is the past. Let it go. It was before you came into the picture so actually you are a friend who is probably going to sleep with someone your friend had first.

Answer 8

If he treats you good then what the heck does it matter?
His past is his past. If you aren't dating exclusively than technically there is nothing wrong with him sleeping with your friend. If he does it when you are together then you can go ahead and kiss his a** to the curb.

Answer 9

ask you girl friend that slept with him not a girlfriend of that girlfriend.......or better yet arrange a meeting between them (without them knowing about it) and ask the question.......
I'm sure you'll find the truth.....but i think that even if you knew the truth you wouldn't sleep with it........if his past relation don't matter to you ,this fact should be such a big deal.......he did what he did
before he met you.........so you can't judge him for this

Answer 10

Did he know that he was going to date you before he had sex with your friend? If the answer is no, then perhaps you can overlook it. It was not his intent to hurt you, so just get over it.