What do you do once the novelty wears off?

Question

I love my bf very much, and we are engaged. We've been together for 8 months and the last couple of months I've learned some things about his personality that I dislike. I still love him, but I find myself not liking him very much as a person sometimes. He could easily be classified as an a--hole when it comes to how he treats people sometimes. And I never really had much of a problem with it because he never directed any of that towards me. Until recently, I've been seeing that a--hole behavior come out at home and I don't like it. I am a very laid back, non-confrontational person, which is what he described himself to be when we first got together. The truth is he is not that way at all. It is impossible for me to try to have any sort of discussion with him without him trying to turn it into an argument. He is very judgemental and pig headed, basically his way or no way. I am starting to feel it's not in my best interest to marry him. He's also controlling, opinions please

We each have children from previous relationships, who love each other as siblings so the attatchment is already there. As far as the children, we don't seperate his and mine and that is something I love about him and our relationship. We are a family, we are not married yet but in many ways we are already living a married life. That's where my reluctance to end things comes from. I don't want to hurt the babies because their feelings will be hurt if me and him part ways. But it is really beginning to wear me down emotionally feeling like I'm unable to communicate with him without having an argument. I feel like I have to pretend everything is fine in order to have peace at home. I can't even have a bad day at work and come home to relax. I'm kind of an introvert, I handle my anger by taking some quiet time, I like to be left alone for a little bit while I destress. If I don't talk to him when he wants me to it becomes an argument.

Answer 1

You have already answered your questions for yourself, even if you don't realize it.
It will only get worse as time goes by and you will find that things that you have in common will also fade.
It's time to break away from this relationship and move forward. It's better now than later.

Answer 2

Okay, you need to tell him how you feel. You can't expect a person to be perfect all the time nor can you expect to change a person. If you are having second thoughts about spending the rest of your life with this person then you need to confront it now. You have to tell him how you feel. If it erupts into a huge argument then you have your answer on how any discussion you ever have is going to turn out and your marriage is going to be doomed from the start.

Screaming and shouting or arguing over things never resolves the problem. You have to be able to sit and talk with one another without all that. If you can't do that now you aren't going to be able to do it when your married.

Meet it head on now so that you aren't beating yourself up later for marrying someone that you can't have a real relationship with. Marriage is a commitment. After all the butterflies are gone you have to have a solid friendship to keep the marriage alive.

Good Luck

Answer 3

You need to get some time alone for a while. Take a mini-vacation if you can, if you can't afford it, go stay with a relative or friend for awhile. But don't really talk to them about this, that will only cause problems in the future, trust me. The point is to get away from the situation, where your thoughts and emotions are not influenced by him or anyone else. Then get out a pad of paper, and seriously write down what it is you love about him, and what it is you don't like. Write down the things that you want out of this relationship, and the things that you think need to change, not just in him, be honest with yourself and include yourself in this. Then, write down where you want to be in five years, where you want your relationship to be in five years. After all of that, just let it be for a day or so, go back and read it, then decide if you really think you can have what you want in five years if nothing changes, because that is a real possibility. Take the list back to him, ask him to read it, discuss whether or not this can be, and be strong enough to stick by what you need to do for you. I hope you can work it out, because it sucks to lose someone you love, but it's worse to marry someone you used to love and get stuck in the routine and bulls--t and stay just because you don't think you can survive alone.
Always take care of yourself first, the rest will fall into place.

Answer 4

Personality conflicts aside, if he's controlling, you should get out. Eight months isn't that long; your honeymoon period is ending, and you're starting to see him for who he really is. Be thankful that you found all this out now, before the wedding, before kids are brought into it.

But you need to talk to him about this. Rather than throwing the ring in his face, sit down and tell him why you're having second thoughts. If he argues with you, he's not worth it; any man who loves you should be begging you to stay, not telling you that you're wrong and stupid. Maybe he'll realize that his actions are pushing you away, and he'll make an effort to change it. But do it soon; the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Answer 5

this may well be a shame! he's not a novelty,yet a jolly good singer.talking approximately his intercourse and sexual organs while he isnt yet an adolescent is probably unlawful? that sizable tough scotsman winning became a disaster.

Answer 6

You got big and I mean BIG troubles ahead of you if you do marry him. Think about it, the short time you have been together. If he acts like that now, how will it be in 5 years? I won't be better I can tell you that for a fact.

Answer 7

It would be very foolish of you to go further/deeper with this man.
I dated a man who exhibited the same qualities you used to describe your bf.
It did not work out.
He wants us to be friends, but it is virtually impossible because he is so quick-tempered with me.
No one else gets that kind of wrath from him.
At any rate, the relationship is over and although I am alone (at present), I have peace in my life.
My advice to you is that you work overtime to seek peace in your life.
Yeah...it's that important!

Answer 8

yes listen to your head. I was with someone who was older and very controlling and I had to end it even though it broke my heart. Its a hard thing to do especially when you really don't like them, but you love them. In my opinion you have to be friends, like someone and be their lover to make a relationship work.

Answer 9

So he's started to get comfortable with you. It won't get better. Put off the wedding. It'll likely get worse, and whatever he says, you'll can find someone better.

Answer 10

I think that's why it's called dating and not marriage. You know what you need to do.