Mother in law?

Question

How do I get my husband to realize what his mom is all about? She reuined my wedding and shower. She's always getting the entire family to fight and I have enough. What do I do without upsetting my husband?

Answer 1

First of all, do you really think your husband, who has lived with his mother his entire life, doesn't know how she really is? You're kidding yourself. He chooses to ignore it or let it go rather than to confront her or do anything about it.

When both of you are not angry or upset and nothing is going on with the MIL right then, you need to have a long talk about her. Because these issues will continue to come up as long as you are married and you guys need to decide now how you are going to handle it.

Also don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, if your husband won't. I am not saying to fight with your MIL or call names etc.., Just handle each little thing as it happens.

For instance, it is perfectly fine to say "I don't really appreciate the way you are treating me or what you are saying." "I really don't think that is any of your concern," etc..,
This would work so much better if you had your husband back you up.

Answer 2

You sound like you're in a situation I used to be in, the only difference is, I wasn't married to my ex.
But his mother did the same things, she would purposely start drama and fights, then expect everything to be cool and everyone forgets what hurtful things or lies she had said.
My ex's mom was a cold hearted, self-centered @#$%$, the whole family would do nothing, they would just let her be, since it was who she was.
The best thing you can do is just be open with your husband and tell him how you feel and how much this is bothering you. Make it clear to him you don't want to start anything, but that you are tired of the drama and that it needs to end.
If you're husband truly sees the pic, even give him some examples if he can't, with a few examples, it may open his eyes.
Some people have to realize and have it be proven that when you get married, your wife/husband and kids are your family, your parents and siblings become second, always.
Just follow your heart into what you feel you need to say, but whatever you do, do not explode, be casual and sensitive, keep a low tone and just be sincere.

Answer 3

In addition to the previous suggestions, here is another approach.

I'm not sure how she gets the family to fight, but if you mean that she makes provocative statements in front of a group , resulting in an argument breaking out, you could try this. Talk to other family members privately about this, and try to get everyone to agree to not get sucked in. Agree to respond "Sorry, Mom, I'm not taking the bait."

If your husband hears this over and over, he will have to acknowledge that something is wrong with his mother's behavior.

Answer 4

Talk with her about it. I have problems with my mother in law too but in a different way. If you can, I suggest discussing calmly with your husband and ask him - in a way for permission but more so to get his "expert" advice - if it would be right for you to talk with your mother in law on how you feel about her. Talking about it is the only way to get things accomplished...I'm somewhat of a hypocrite on this because I hate confrontation and grew up in a family who did not talk about feelings or problems. My husband's family is the opposite so I'm trying to "give" a little more. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Sit down with him and don't start complaining about his mom or you will have your husband leave you when your getting started talking with him. Tell him that it's just upsets you and ask him what you or he can do to make you feel comfortable around her.

Answer 6

There's no need for you to do or say anything. The truth, sooner or later, ALWAYS comes out. Let her do the talking and doing; she'll soon say or do something she'll regret, and it'll be too late for her to fix it. She won't be able to hide, from everybody, her true intentions forever; believe me. Just sit, be nice and patient, and smile when the moment comes.

Answer 7

get back at her by doing someything that ur husband wont realize until its to late. Just try to set her up some how. Or use ur womenly wilds.

Answer 8

Welcome to my world. Men gaurd their mothers---at least mine does. It is very difficult for him to admitt his mother is wrong even when it is in his face. The most you can do in this situation is calmly explain to him in a non-confrontational way how your mother-in-law makes you feel. It will be up to him to handle it, but you really shouldn't confront her yourself unless she is blatantly disrespectful to you. Let your husband be the buffer between you because afterall, you wouldn't even have this woman in your life if it weren't for him.

Answer 9

TRY SITTING DOWN WITH HIM AND TALK CALMLY. TRY NOT TO BASH HIS MOM, BUT PUT IT TO HIM GENTLY..