i have been dating someone for a few weeks, and things have been amazing. he is funny, caring, smart, helpful, thoughtful, and good looking. we have amazing times together and had been spending a lot of time together. he had just gotten out of a four year relationship (but that past year has been on and off) with another girl. she still calls him and is very persistant about getting back together.
one night he told me that he had went and met her for a drink and talked with her. the next day i told him i wasn't comfortable with that and that he needed to make a choice either stop talking to her or i would stop talking to him. he choose to stop talking to her and keep talking to me.
a week past, and we had spent every single moment together it was great. then came monday and he told me he finally talked to her and it was hard.
he said he is unsure of what to do. he ulitmately said he wants to date me and things to move forward, but i am worried. what should i do?
2007-11-15 05:22:49 · 27 answers · asked by miss23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
At least he is being honest and telling you. Give him a chance, but be careful about moving forward too fast.
2007-11-15 05:27:11 · answer #1 · answered by pea_nut_26 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't put the pressure on him to make a decision, because that's the surest way to lose him. Right now, he's confused and torn between the two of you. He feels a certain loyalty to the former girl friend, and maybe still has some tender feelings toward her. But at the same time, he is enjoying his relationship with you, and wants to progress in that relationship. He will have to make up his mind eventually, but it will pay you to not make an issue of his communication with the other girl, as long as it's just talk. If you suspect there is more going on, then you would have to confront him about it. But don't put any demands on him and let him work through this for now. Right now I'd say you have the upper hand. Good luck!
2007-11-15 05:33:05 · answer #2 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be very careful! He's obviously not completely over his four-year relationship yet (neither is she), and he's at a time where he's very succeptable to having a "rebound relationship". I'm not saying that everyone who has a new relationship after a break up is necessarily going to have a rebound romance. But all the signs are there that he's not 100% over it, so it's pretty risky for you right now.
I'd say, keep dating him if you're interested in him (and have some fun dating him), but keep your emotional distance until he can finally let go of her and stop contact with her. He should do this if he ever wants to truly get over his past relationship and move on completely and whole heartedly with you.
Just be careful. Good luck!
2007-11-15 06:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by agrocks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be worried. I was the guy (many years ago!) with the ex - until he's done with the ex she's not an ex and it's going to drive you crazy. I caused a lot of stress and lost a few real nice girls because I had the ex on my mind and on my speed dial. Be causios but be open at the same time, tell him your worries as you have done. If he REALLY wants to get passed his ex he'll move on with you, until she's totally out of his life he'll have the ex to fall back on - not good for you! sounds like you've been honest and that's the most important thing, he should do the same, not only for YOU but for himself as well...
2007-11-15 05:30:33 · answer #4 · answered by Tech-Daddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds.
If this guy really cares about you like he says he does, then it would NOT be any problem to stop talking to his ex!
If he cares so much, shutting the ex out should be an easy thing to do!
Tell him that if it is that hard of a decision that you will decide for him... and turn around, walk away & don't look back.
2007-11-15 05:28:45 · answer #5 · answered by Purple Sparks 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing and honey I will tell you right now the last thing you EVER want to do is give someone an ultimatum. You always want them to make the decisions because the genuinely wanted to, not because they were pressured. One thing you always have to remember is if a man is going to cheat there is nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can do it be a better woman to him then his ex ever was and if he still wants to get back with her then at least you know that you held your own and you know your a good *** woman and any man would be lucky to have you.
2007-11-15 05:31:48 · answer #6 · answered by rocksclub_05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a "no win"situation. This guy is still involved with his ex. Tell him when can make a decision as to which woman he wants to look you up. End of subject. He is what I call "waffle-ing" that means "I like you best, no I like her best" and back and forth he goes and where he stops(if he ever stops) nobody knows. He will probably spend the rest of his life doing the same sort of thing.
2007-11-15 05:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by Katty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.You gave him a ultimatum and despite him choosing you, he still manage to call his ex. Now it's time for you to make a choice- dump him. You will thank yourself later because if you continue dating the guy, it'll be you competing with the ex for attention and love and that's not good. Trust me.
Right now, he is still in pain and probably still heartbroken over the breakup and fully don't want to let his old girlfriend go. He is confused and fickle at this point and I'm sure he is not going to change anytime soon since situations like this one doesn't resolve overnight.
Get out as early as you can as you are his rebound girl that is only around to temporary ease his 'pain'. Don't settle being second best and share yourself with another girl because you deserve someone who will give his full attention to you. That guy is out there someone so don't invest anymore with this boy who still pining over another.
If anything, he needs time to himself to heal without you or his old girlfriend in the picture.
2007-11-15 16:16:44 · answer #8 · answered by ranay 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I first got together, he had more than one ex calling him, wanting to get back together. I personally put a stop to that. He told several to stop calling him, that he was with me, and was not getting back with them. One in particular wouldn't accept that, and kept calling. I got the phone one night and gave her a good cussing, since we were living together by that time.
If your man wants to move things forward with you, there should be no uncertainty on his part about what to do. If you are uncomfortable with him having a friendship with his ex, that should be the end of the discussion. If he really loves you, he will dump the ex and cut all ties. My husband did.
2007-11-15 05:28:51 · answer #9 · answered by KitKat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I'd let him go until he can decide what he really wants to do and where he really wants to be. Opening a new door, before he closes the old one, is not healthy and can only end in two ways. He will either talk to both of you at the same time, leaving you feeling like crap, or he will mess with you and use you as kind of a rebound until she changes her mind and wants to get back with him. Either way, you get the short end of the stick.
If their still talking, then obviously it didn't end on bad terms. Wait until she is completely out of the picture, before you talk to him, touch him, or go out with him in public. He sounds like a good guy who may be trying to move on, but wait until he does so COMPLETELY, before you put yourself out there. That is my advice to you. Best wishes!
-Knowledge24
2007-11-15 05:29:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be careful. just keep an eye out. it happen t me to. if they have went ON AND OFF 4 4 years then they are going to get back together. i have been on anf off with a guy 4 a year and i always end up wit him. i think you should move on. i know its hard but its the best thing you can do!
2007-11-15 05:29:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋