He wants to go live with his dad. He says he hates my grandmother (we live with her and my husband) because she bugs him all the time. She is 81 and can hardly walk, she is hard of seeing and hearing. All she has for him is love, and I feel like I have totally failed him as a mother. I am so upset I don't know what to do.
2007-11-15 02:19:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I believe him when he says it's about my grandmother. She can be extremely trying sometimes. Also my son really likes my husband. So does his father. No bad blood or anything there and we've been married several years. My son and my sister were pretty much the entire "wedding party" and he was thrilled to do it. Thanks for all your answers. I like to think he would come back home after a few weeks, but if I "lost" him for good (I know I'd still see him on weekends but that's not very much at all) I would just die.
2007-11-15 02:50:51 · update #1
I don't have enough points to give thumbs up or down yet, so it is not me doing that.
2007-11-15 02:51:54 · update #2
It is not uncommon for a 13 year old to feel uncomfortable around senior citizens, even their grandparents. But if he left home he would miss out on all that she has to offer. Our society is too quick to dismiss our seniors. Other cultures revere their elders and honor their views and guidance. Your son can learn to be tolerant of his grandmother's shortcomings, and he can learn that her wisdom and her love far outweigh her frailties. He will come to find out that the world does not revolve around him, and that others have contributed to his well-being (she helps provide a home for him). Encourage him to be patient with her and to respect her. After all, we want our children to respect their elders, don't we?
I think he will come around eventually, and recognize what a treasure he has in his grandma.
2007-11-15 02:33:29 · answer #1 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Okay, well I understand how you feel because she's only JUST a teenager & only just started getting periods. But your sister is only young and really needs your support. Infact I wouldn't say it was your sister's fault. Do talk to her and ask her how shes feeling and do another pregnancy test with her, I think it'd be good to be with her when she tells your parents. Because nobody has any idea on how she herself is feeling, shes only 13 and shes pregnant to a guy who sounds quite unsafe and untrustworthy. Their is no reason for her to abort the pregnancy unless she feels like thats the best option for her, abortions can make people really really depressed afterwards. It depends on what she wants, if she does keep the baby she'll need ALOT of support as shes got 4-5 years before she can legally leave home and 2 years before she can get a job. Adoption could also be an option if thats what she wants. Its going to be very hard for her regardless, and she's going to need all the support she can get. Hope all goes well for her and you, and hope that no matter what she decides that everyone around you both is accepting and supporting of her.
2016-05-23 06:33:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have not failed as a mother. He is thirteen and this age until about nineteen is a difficult time with teenage boys.
OK his doesn't like his great grandmother who is old.
Remind him that one day he will be old and should try to be more tolerant with his nan.
However, there is a huge age gap here. He should try to respect his elders.
Trouble with most thirteen year old boys they know everything, we know nothing. WE have lived for ....... years, but we know nothing. Very annoying, but they are all the same. It is part of his growing up process. (a pain in the neck)
Let him join some activities that take him from the house for a few hours, so he can mix with a younger set. To give him a
break. It will do him good, then perhaps when he comes home the old lady will be tucked up in bed asleep and he will see less of her.
Good luck
2007-11-15 02:50:56 · answer #3 · answered by Sally Anne 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
So much is missing to give any really good advice. How is the relationship between you and your son's Dad? Does your ex have any contact with your son? How is your present husband relationship with your son? Is your son using all the adults as excuses and playing you all against eachother?
Your grandmother isn't the problem (his great grandma). It could be though he feels scared to see what old age does to a person. Do you have anyone to be a caregiver and free up time just for you and your son?
How is school going for him? Has he changed friends, is avoiding the family all together? Could he be smoking pot or abusing alcohol? I know you never want to think your kid but it happens more often than parents admit.
There is nothing wrong in him living with his Dad for a while but it could open a Pandora's box of more problems if he's not willing to set strict boundaries with him. He can't be the cool dad that doesn't bother to check on what his kid is in too.
It's time that you took time for YOU! Get some counseling at the local mental health agency for low or no cost. Your on overload with responsibilities and it's time that members in your own household and maybe even extended family step up and shoulder some responsibility. You need plenty of rest, taking really good care of yourself with nutrition and exercises.
Do not allow a 13 yr old to run your life. But do allow him to voice his concerns. You have to listen and be objective, where is your present husband in this scenario? He did marry you and needs to step up.
Since u added details- sounds like it may be time for his Great Grandma to be placed in nursing home or with another family member. When your loving and compassionate care is effecting your own familys health (mentally) then it may be time to rethink the living situation. Find out if you placed his Great Grandma in nursing home would that make home more livable for him, for you, for your husband? If he says it won't solve the problem, and I'll bet it won't them it's time to concentrate your efforts and time on your son's needs. It may be a hard time for him at school. Kids are pretty ruthless and down right mean to one another. There are too many variables and I think you may be too preoccupied with your Grandma to see what is happening around you.
2007-11-15 03:05:23 · answer #4 · answered by Staci 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the 'old days' kids this age were sent off to apprentice with someone for just this reason. They are restless, they want to grow up and learn new skills that they can use when they are adults and they are dissatisfied with their life. It's biology - don't take it personally. It has to happen or they'd live with us forever. That being said I would send him to live with his dad. I would also make sure that he has some constructive summer things to do that are of interest to him. Send him to camp or enroll him in a program that digs outhouse holes in developing countries or repairs houses for people in New Orleans - there are a lot of youth programs like this - or send him to outward bound. He is young and his focus is narrow so he's using you and his grandmother as an excuse, but what he is really craving is some adventure and new tools, skills and knowledge.
2007-11-16 02:53:05 · answer #5 · answered by dontdoubtit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember hanging out at friends houses when I was 13 & they had elderly relatives living with them. They all seemed embarassed by their grandparents/great grandparents.
Explain to him that leaving you because of your grandmother is not a good enough reason. Ask him how you could make his living situation easier. It might be as simple as rearranging bedrooms.
Good Luck.
2007-11-15 03:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by Jennield 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You won't die. Trust me. You'll survive it. It won't be easy, but you will live. You may WANT to die, but you'll tough it out because you are a loving, caring, concerned mom.
For even considering his request I give you 10000000000 points. It's hard to even THINK about our kids moving out.
Honestly, what would be best for him? Let him go to Dad for awhile, always letting him know the door is open.
You haven't failed him. It feels like it, I know, but he has made it clear why he wants to move.
2007-11-15 04:24:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What kind of child would say he hates your grandmother?
You should teach him about respecting his elders. I would not give in to him. If you ask me he isn't telling you the truth about why he wants to move.
I have a 13 yr old and everyone else seems to be making up excuses for his behavior. His disrepect for her is WRONG!
2007-11-15 03:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
he is 13 he is now a teenager I dont know what you should do but I do it is normal for a teenager to say things like that and use what ever they can to get what they want the fun is just starting he will become normal again one day but it is a long road He may be upset because of your husband (all kids want their parents together) and it could be a number of things do what you fell is right and everything will be ok (oneday)
2007-11-15 02:31:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Okay, he is 13, hormones are crazy. I wouldn't give into him, that will only teach him to leave when things get to hard. I would sit down and talk to him and explain that your mother is elderly, and that she loves him and doesn't mean to bug him. You haven't failed as a mother =)
2007-11-15 02:28:29 · answer #10 · answered by me 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋