Wedding Vows--Traditional vs. Your own?

Question

what do you prefer?
If you write your own do they still does the pastor still have you repeat after him like "with this ring i thee wed" etc

Pros and cons about writing your own vows

Future Mrs.C.M.Howard where did you find them online?

Answer 1

Traditional--with the EXCEPTION of omitting the "obey" part and changing it to "respect. "To love honor & respect".

I personally know my brain will be maxed out that day enough then to have to worry to memorize vow too. I'd die if I screwed them up--and on VIDEO!! YIKES! ;)

Answer 2

I found some online that I really liked that is not traditional but is in the sense that it did still have the exchanging of the rings, etc... It wasn't worded like a regular ceremony would be (the pastor even said it was really good and that I should go into that line of business) I'd do research online and see what you like that touches your heart. I don't like the traditional vows that they read out of the book and the day is all about you both so I'd get something that appeals to you.

Answer 3

We are doing our own set of vows we picked off a website. Only because the vows are traditional we chose to change it up some but incorporate some of our own vows. Just sounds more for us. We like the way we did them so that is what we are going with a mix. Of course the with this ring I thee wed most of that stuff will not change but the part about obey and do as you are told as a wife yada yada crap oh no that is taking out. You know how our spouses are. LOL

Answer 4

My husband and I got married this past June and we wrote our own vows. I didn't know what he was writing and he didn't know what I was writing so we would be hearing it for the first time during the ceremony. I had a friend take both of our copies and print them up as programs so the guests could follow along....and they all loved it. It turned out really nice and definitely put that very personal touch on our ceremony so it wasn't like any other.

We didn't do anything religious...got married by the Mayor..but there were some things that did have to be said "officially". He said them...we repeated...until right before the rings part...then he said Cindy and Chris have written their own vows..and then we read them to each other.... After we were done reading ours, we did the rings part...

I loved the vows he wrote..and it was really nice to be able to tell him what I felt for him. A con was that I knew I would never be able to memorize them...AND be able to recite them being so nervous up in front of everyone so what I did was took a large index card and folded it in half twice so there were 4 sides that could be easily flipped over and it could fit in the palm of my hand so I didn't have a big piece of paper to fumble with. I actually kept it in my bra and slipped it out without anyone noticing. I kept my place with my thumb as I read them so I could actually look up at him from time to time. The Mayor (and Chris) actually really loved what I wrote. i did use a few web sites just to get me started, but once I got rolling it just flowed naturally.

If you want to, email me and I'll send you what I wrote..Its too much to put on here.

Answer 5

You don't have to repeat after the minster. You could memorize your vows....however, most people can't do it. It's not that they can't memorize...it's the emotion of the moment! You can barely remember your own name at that point.

I did a wedding for a couple who are professional actors and they did recite their personal vows. It was very impressive, and I didn't get the feeling they were acting (or maybe they are that good).

So if you can memorize & recite your vows . . . go for it . . . but most couples decide not to try it.

So how do you do it? A few options here.

Least best is to repeat the vows after the minister/officiant.

Second best is for the minister/officiant to hold your written vows. You try to do them by memory, and if you get stuck, the officiant can give you the next 2-3 words to get you going again. You probably know already in doing this you don't have to say it exactly the way you wrote it. Who is going to know?

The best option in my opinion is for you to hold the piece of paper with your vows and glance down as you need to. People don't think badly of you for doing that when you gone to the trouble of writing your own vows. The officiant can have the pieces of paper and hand them to you at that point in the ceremony, or the best man has them, or you can have them. Whatever works best for you.

Answer 6

I think we are going traditional-but there are many different "traditional" style vows. I found several on About.com under "Weddings"....So we will probably choose the traditional version we like best.
I just think there's something so special about saying the same vows that countless other couples have said as they started their lives together....it's such a powerful thought, to keep the circle going, per se.
Also, when thinking of writing our own, I feel that they would innevitably sound cliche' and it'd be really hard to compose something without feeling pressure to make them perfect.

Answer 7

I found some vows online that I completely love, but they are really long and we are both scared to memorize (and most likely forget) them, so our officiant is going to say "Do you (insert personal vows here) and we say "I Do" and then at the end of the ceremony we repeat the traditional ring vows. I thought it was the besst way for us to get the personal vows we wanted without the stress. Good luck with yours!

Answer 8

If you do your own vows, please memorize them, I hate seeing that paper. The only other thing is to make sure you both have about the same number of words. don't you go on for an hour and he say I love you or vs versa. The good part about traditional I am a cryer and I did not want to cry and snot while talking.

It is really based on your wished and the church weather they say with this ring, but usually yes.

Answer 9

we kind of did modified traditional. I did a search for wedding vows, picked the parts I liked the best and it worked out wonderfully... I've never been fond of the "honor and obey" part so it felt more personalized for me while still remaining in the confines of traditional vows...

A friend of mine did the same, but part of your vows said that she promised to play with him as often as possible... and while I know she meant that they would keep their life happy and full of joy, even the bride had a hard time saying that with a straight face...I guess I'm just saying I'd be careful!

Some helpful websites:

http://weddings.about.com/cs/bridesandgrooms/a/vowwording.htm
http://www.weddingsweddings.com/
http://www.foreverwed.com/Religious_Ceremonies/Sample%20Three.htm

Answer 10

In the UK you cannot say your own vows, you have to do the "legal" ones, I think after you have said those you could say your own, they are a bit more strict here on those things! A lot of couples here have a civil marriage and then a Humanist wedding after so they can say their own vows.