How can I deal with my mother that favors my younger brother?

Question

my mom favors my brother so much and its so sickening. she jumps down my throat for every little thing and im really tired. he gets away with so much its just not fair. i feel like im a little girl or something. i shouldnt have to go through this. I'm 24 and my brother is 20. I'm only home b/c im saving up for my apartment and trying to get a start on my school loans. He's home b/c he got into a lil trouble in Cali. I have nothing against my brother I love you very much, its my mom!!! When my dad tries to tell her that its not fair how she treats us, she gets on my dad and say that he is jealous!!! how can a father be jealous of his own son?? i really think that my mom has gone mad!!! what should i do??

i tell her all the time that she is not fair....i dont yell or nothing...and she just makes an excuse for him

Answer 1

You know what.. Welcome to the club. Im the oldest of 5 by minimum 15 years.. my youngest sybling is 17 and the oldest is 22

let me break this down.. I have 2 other brothers.. Alex and Aaron . Alex got kicked out at 18 I got the boot at 17 Aaron is still at home 18 years old now. he gets every shoe , and name brand clothing that comes out on the market curtesy of moms. and he gets chufered everywhere cause he dont have a car and he does not have to take public transportation,.. Mind you my parents still work 40 hr weeks sometimes more.. but they always have time for him. I have 2 sisters. Angela and Alysia
My 22 year old sister is married and her and her hubby lives in my parents home cause they dont make enough to rent yet.. this is 2 years now.. they both work. and no one thinks its crazy.. My younger sister Alysia thought it was kool to sleep with a boy in her room when she was suppose to be at school.. my Parents took her house keys.. she told them.. F**k off and moved out at 17 and is actually doing well. My parents are like o well .. in all of this.. I think Aaron and Angela has it best.. Me , Alex o yeah Alex is 30 now. and Alysia are the toughest ones cause we have been made to fin for our selves for a long time now.. and I think its the weak syblings the parents keep close to home. Thats the way I would look at it.. cause im 32 and I look at all of them.. Alysia is doing better than Angela cause she is fending for her self finishing the 12th grade her right grade. and working in a hair salon and going to cosmetelogy school. Alex is a well known Underground rapper has 6 local albums out a couple of DVD documentaries under his belt and surviving. Im an Accountant and Song writer supporting my finacee Nursing career while she is in school which is kickin my butt but I can take it on the chin.

Aaron did not walk the stage and I dont even think he has a diploma.. He is an accomplished Martial Artist and 2 time world champion and Instructor now at 18 but it dont make much money cause he teaches in his Masters DoJo and not his own.. Besides that.. He was so sheltered he still has not got a grip on what life is really about.

Angela got married at 20 her hubby was 19 and on disability from the Marine cor after a accident falling off of a building.. sound harsh but hes cool. Now she working at staples since 12th grade.. and the job I got for her hubby at a tuxedo shop last year he is now assistant manager.. They never have money so they say.. but always buying my kid things and going out.. while at home.. my parents are looking for there Apartment for the two of them.. THATS CRAZY..

Wanna know what they look like.. Aaron , Angela, and Alysia is on my Top on my myspace. Alex is on my music myspace cause he is an artist and to see him you have to click on my music page which is on my top myspace page.. his name is Otherwize.

in the end I say yo moms treat you that way cause your stronger..

Answer 2

Consider sharing an apartment with a roommate- it will expedite your financial situation and enable you to move out faster. Your mother may be favoring your brother because she thinks he "needs" more nuturing and protection, and not as an attack on you. Is this fair? No, but at 24, you should know life is not fair. Distance will even the playing field so move out ASAP and get on your life. You are being treated like a child because you are not independent yet.

Answer 3

Realize that it's your mother's problem, not yours. Move out as soon as possible. Whatever you do, don't meddle between your parent's relationship with your brother. Your brother could end up resenting you if you did. You need some self confidence. Once you get moved, find a group of like-minded friends, join a gym, etc. Create your own "family" of people who will always hear the truth of what you say. People who will be there for you when you need someone. Always be respectful of your mother, however walk away from her when she begins to berate you. You are better than that. You have a purpose for being here. It could be that your Mother is jealous of you or resents your relationship with your Father. It is her problem. So, be compassionate, yet don't allow yourself to be a doormat for her to walk on. Don't argue with her, that only justifies her attitude towards you. It may be that you never know why she chooses your brother over you. You have to deal with that. Therapy may help.

Answer 4

Have you tried talking to your mom? It seems that talking though is to no avail but that was your father talking to her and if you approach her directly on the subject, specifically when she's favoring your brother, she might see the light but I say don't get your hopes up.

People only change when they want to change and perhaps your mother has other underlying insecurities that cause her to favor your brother and treat you wrongly. The best thing for you to do is to simply ignore her and get out of the house as much as you can until you have saved up enough to get out on your own.

If you continue to allow the things that your mother does to affect you, you will become bitter towards her and any moments in which you happen to visit her in the future after you get out will be awkward and tension filled.

Be the bigger person and keep things light, for whatever you happen to believe in your karma will benefit along with your overall mood. Good luck!

Answer 5

I have been battling with this issue for many years. Anything my brother did was because I influenced him. When they found the pot smoking items in the trunk of his car it just had to be mine. I finally gave up, and continued with my life. Although last month my mother found out that she had a massive tumor that had to be surgically removed. Who do u think was there for her to sit with her in the hospital, me while my brother was staying in Florida for spring vacation. She has since changed her tune; although I do not go out of my way to be with her. Let her come to u. I don't know why some are like this; maybe something from her past.. Some hurt from long ago. Maybe give her the silent treatment and definitely spend more time with ur father. It sounds like she is neglecting u both.... I hope things change for u, but continue to live ur life and be happy with ur self. Love K

Answer 6

She doesn't see you as equals. She actually wants the best for you and wants you to become more of an independent woman, relying on yourself and that's why she pushes you. She lets your brother get away with it because she knows that this world is SO much easier for a guy to get by in. I think she worries about you more than she worries about him.
Think about it.... If you had a friend that you really cared about, and they were seriously screwing up, what would you do? Would you: A- let them keep screwing up, not say anything and pretend their behaviour doesn't matter? or B- let them know they're screwing up, HOW they're screwing up, expect them to change the behaviour and want the best for them?
Your mom is doing "A" with your brother and "B" with you.
She loves you BUT she needs to start letting you know WHY she is pushing you so much. She's a woman and she KNOWS how the world (the work force, society, etc) treats women. She wants to know that you're good to go, on your own.

Answer 7

This is a common one. I am from a very small village in india.In inida too mothers love too much to their younger child as special one. i think the last child is very affection to them even that child is not really study well or not love their parents. I saw this many families in india. A tamil movie also produced about this issue.(starring Suraya and Raghuvaran)

Answer 8

Theres got to be a reason for the lopsided deal.............whats wrong with family meeting and getting to the point..............she may not even realize how much of that she is doing...........got to get down to basics your an adult now not a child...........so be adult about it...........and step up and be one to her and the rest of the family..............and call a meeting........communication is the only way to deal with ill feelings and emotions..........but dont let the emotions get out of hand.........deal with it accordingly..........as Adults !!

Answer 9

Write her a letter to express how you feel, without attacking her just your feeling and how much her love means to you.

Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 10

spend more time with your dad.